“We E-mailed each other every day. We made plans regarding a place to live and work. I was supposed to take care of the engagement rings. We had not even known each other a month and had not yet met in person.”—Rebecca, Austrialia.*
YOU would really like to meet someone—someone you can get to know, someone you might want to marry. But, thus far, none of your efforts to find someone like that have worked out. Attempts by well-meaning friends and family to set you up with someone have done nothing but embarrass you and have left you more discouraged than ever. So you are wondering if maybe you should turn to technology for help.
In this age of the computer, finding a compatible mate may seem to be just a few clicks away. All you have to do, some say, is log on to a Web site, chat room, or bulletin board that has been specially designed for singles. The New York Times reports that in one month in the United States alone, 45 million people visited on-line dating Web sites. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than nine million people using its service in 240 countries.
The Appeal of On-Line Dating
Are you shy, and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection? Or do you simply feel there is a lack of potential marriage mates in the area where you live? Then computer dating may appeal to you. For one thing, on-line matchmaking services promise you control over your “dates.” Search boxes that display age groups, countries of residence, personality profiles, pictures, and anonymous screen names are provided. Armed with the power of choice, it may seem that dating on-line is more efficient and less stressful than face-to-face encounters.
What is the reality? Does dating in cyberspace really lead to lasting happiness? Well, consider this: During a six-year period, one matchmaking service had 11 million subscribers. Yet, only 1,475 marriages took place among them. Another dating service with over a million members listed only 75 confirmed marriages! What is wrong with this trend?
A True Picture of Each Other?
“On the Internet,” said one newspaper article, “everyone tends to be attractive, honest, and successful.” But how realistic is the information people provide about themselves? Another news article put it this way: “It is taken for granted that everyone lies a little.” An editor of a popular teen magazine did some personal research into this claim. She joined three of the most popular dating Web sites and shortly received a number of responses. These led to dates with several men. The result? Real failures! The men had blatantly lied about themselves. She warned: “Based on my experience, they lie.”
Misrepresenting one’s height or weight may seem like a little thing. ‘Looks are not that important,’ some may argue. True, the Bible itself says that “charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain.” (Proverbs 31:30) But is lying about seemingly little things a good way to begin a relationship? (Luke 16:10) How confident can you be about other things the person might say about more serious issues, such as personal goals? The Bible says: “Speak truthfully with one another.” (Zechariah 8:16) Yes, honesty provides the foundation for a relationship that can grow.
Dating in cyberspace, though, often involves unrealistic fantasies. A report in Newsweek makes this observation: “Users can carefully edit their e-mails and present themselves in the most flattering way. . . . The result is a positive-feedback loop: they seem nice and interested in you, so you’re nice and interested in them.” As a professor at New York’s Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute who studies on-line relationships observes, a strong attachment may form very readily in such circumstances. Yet, as often noted, this can’t be counted on to lead to a happy marriage. One man wrote about his experiences with on-line dating: “It’s a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want.”
Close Encounters
Some may believe, however, that the lack of personal contact has distinct advantages. They may feel that on-line dating allows couples to focus on what a prospective partner is like on the inside without being distracted by personal appearance. True, the Bible encourages us to focus on a person’s inner qualities. (1 Peter 3:4) Yet, the problem is that in a computer relationship, you cannot observe gestures, smiles, or countenance. You cannot see how he or she treats others or behaves under pressure. And such things are critical in determining if he or she is someone you can come to trust and love. Read the Bible’s description of love found at 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5. Notice that love is defined by behavior, not words. You must therefore take the time to observe a person to see if his or her actions and words match.
Lacking such vital information, couples often start sharing intimate feelings and thoughts early in the courtship. Throwing caution to the wind, some couples hastily make serious romantic commitments, even though they hardly know each other. An article entitled “On the Internet, Love Really Is Blind” tells of two people 8,000 miles apart who met on-line. Three weeks later they met in person. “She wore heavy eye mascara,” said the man. “I don’t date women who wear mascara.” The relationship quickly ended. The results of another in-person meeting were so disappointing that the man, who had paid for the visit, canceled the return portion of the woman’s airline ticket!
A young woman named Edda recalls her own experience with on-line dating. She says: “The relationship was too good to be true. We were planning on getting married.” But when they saw each other in person, the relationship completely flopped. “He was not what I expected but was critical and a complainer. It was just not going to work.” One week later the relationship broke off, leaving Edda totally disillusioned.
In the fantasy world of computer dating, emotions can become intense prematurely. This can leave you vulnerable to emotional devastation if the relationship does not work out—as is likely. “He that is trusting in his own heart is stupid,” warns Proverbs 28:26. Yes, it is unwise to make serious decisions based upon fantasy and emotion. The proverb thus continues: “But he that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.”
The Dangers of Haste
Rushing into a relationship when you know little about each other is certainly unwise. The English writer Shakespeare is quoted as saying: “Hasty marriage seldom proveth well.” The Bible counsel is more direct: “Everyone that is hasty surely heads for want.”—Proverbs 21:5.
Sadly, many of those engaging in Internet dating have found that to be true. After corresponding with someone for just one month, Monika, quoted at the outset, hoped that she had found the answer to her desire for a partner. Despite making plans for marriage—even arranging to obtain engagement rings—her hurried relationship ended in “great sorrow.”
You can avoid heartache by heeding the Bible’s counsel: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.” (Proverbs 22:3) However, disappointment and hurt feelings are not the only dangers you might face in computer dating. A future article will consider additional problems.
Sewing Machine
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
21 Ways Families Can Stay Awake
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Let us stay awake and keep our senses.
REFERRING to “the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah,” the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in Thessalonica: “Brothers, you are not in darkness, so that that day should overtake you as it would thieves, for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We belong neither to night nor to darkness.” Paul added: “So, then, let us not sleep on as the rest do, but let us stay awake and keep our senses.”—Joel 2:31; 1 Thess. 5:4-6.
2 Paul’s counsel to the Thessalonians is especially fitting for Christians living in “the time of the end.” (Dan. 12:4) As the end of his wicked system of things nears, Satan is bent on turning as many true worshippers as he can away from serving God. We are therefore wise to take to heart Paul’s admonition to remain spiritually vigilant. If a Christian family is to succeed in staying awake, it is important that each member shoulder his or her Scriptural responsibility. What role, then, do husbands, wives, and young ones play in helping their families to “stay awake”?
Husbands—Imitate “the Fine Shepherd”
3 “The head of a woman is the man,” states the Bible. (1 Cor. 11:3) What does a man’s responsibility as the head of a household involve? Outlining one aspect of headship, the Scriptures say: “If anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Tim. 5:8) Indeed, a man should provide materially for his family. If he is to help his family to stay awake spiritually, though, he must prove to be more than just a breadwinner. He needs to build up his household spiritually, helping all in the family to strengthen their relationship with God. (Prov. 24:3, 4) How can he do so?
4 Since “a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation,” a married man should examine and imitate the type of headship that Jesus provides for the congregation. (Eph. 5:23) Consider how Jesus described his relationship with his followers. (Read John 10:14, 15.) What is the key to success for a man who wants to build up his household spiritually? It is this: Study what Jesus said and did as “the fine shepherd,” and “follow his steps closely.”—1 Pet. 2:21.
5 Figuratively speaking, the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep is based on knowledge and trust. The shepherd knows all about his sheep, and the sheep know and trust the shepherd. They recognize and obey his voice. “I know my sheep and my sheep know me,” said Jesus. He does not have mere surface knowledge of the congregation. The Greek word here rendered “know” denotes “personal, intimate knowledge.” Yes, the Fine Shepherd knows his sheep personally. He knows their individual needs, their weaknesses, and their strengths. Nothing about his sheep escapes the notice of our Exemplar. And the sheep fully know the shepherd and trust his leadership.
6 To exercise his headship in imitation of Christ, a husband must learn to think of himself as a shepherd and of those under his care as sheep. He should strive to have an intimate knowledge of his family. Can a husband really have such knowledge? Yes, if he communicates well with all members of his family, listens to their concerns, takes the lead in family activities, and is conscientious about making good decisions involving such matters as family worship, meeting attendance, field service, recreation, and entertainment. When a Christian husband takes the lead with knowledge not only of God’s Word but also of those entrusted to him, it is more likely that his family members will have confidence in his headship and that he will have the satisfaction of seeing them remain united in true worship.
7 A good shepherd also has affection for his sheep. When we study the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life and ministry, our heart is moved with appreciation for the affection Jesus showed for his disciples. He even ‘surrendered his soul in behalf of the sheep.’ Husbands should imitate Jesus in showing affection for those under their care. Rather than harshly dominating his wife, a husband who desires God’s approval continues loving her “just as the Christ also loved the congregation.” (Eph. 5:25) His words should be kind and considerate, for she is worthy of honor.—1 Pet. 3:7.
8 In training young ones, the family head should firmly uphold godly principles. However, he must not fail to show affection for his children. Needed discipline should be administered lovingly. Some young ones may take longer than others to get the sense of what is expected of them. In that case, a father should show them greater patience. When men consistently follow the example of Jesus, they create a home environment that is safe and secure. Their families enjoy the type of spiritual security that the psalmist sang about.—Read Psalm 23:1-6.
9 The patriarch Noah lived in the time of the end of the world of his day. But Jehovah kept him “safe with seven others when he brought a deluge upon a world of ungodly people.” (2 Pet. 2:5) Noah had the responsibility of helping his family to survive the Flood. Christian family heads are in a similar position in these last days. (Matt. 24:37) How vital it is that they study the example of “the fine shepherd” and strive to imitate him!
Wives—‘Build Up Your Household’
10 “Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Eph. 5:22) This statement in no way suggests an undignified position. Prior to creating the first woman, Eve, the true God declared: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.” (Gen. 2:18) The role of “helper” and “complement”—that of being supportive of her husband as he cares for his family responsibilities—is an honorable one indeed.
11 An exemplary wife works for the good of her household. (Read Proverbs 14:1.) In contrast with a foolish woman, who shows disrespect for the headship arrangement, a wise woman has deep respect for this provision. Rather than manifesting the attitude of disobedience and independence that characterizes the world, she is in submission to her mate. (Eph. 2:2) A wife who is foolish does not hesitate to speak unfavorably of her husband, whereas a wise woman works to increase the respect that her children and others have for him. Such a wife is careful not to undermine her husband’s headship by nagging him or arguing with him. There is also the matter of being economical. A foolish woman likely squanders her family’s hard-earned resources. A supportive wife is not like that. She cooperates with her husband in financial matters. Her way of doing things is marked by prudence and economy. She does not pressure her husband to work overtime.
12 An exemplary wife helps the family to “stay awake” by assisting her husband in the spiritual education of the children. (Prov. 1:8) She actively supports the Family Worship program. Moreover, she is supportive of her husband when he gives counsel and discipline to their children. How different she is from an uncooperative wife, whose children suffer physically and spiritually!
13 How does a supportive wife feel about seeing her husband play an active role in the Christian congregation? Why, she is joyful! Whether her husband is a ministerial servant, an elder, or perhaps a member of a Hospital Liaison Committee or a Regional Building Committee, she is happy about his privilege. Actively supporting her husband with words and actions will surely involve sacrifices on her part. But she is aware that her husband’s involvement in theocratic activities helps the entire family to keep awake spiritually.
14 Being exemplary in a supportive role may be a challenge for a wife when her husband makes a decision she disagrees with. Even then, she manifests a “quiet and mild spirit” and cooperates with him to make his decision work. (1 Pet. 3:4) A good wife tries to follow the fine examples of godly women of former times, such as Sarah, Ruth, Abigail, and Jesus’ mother, Mary. (1 Pet. 3:5, 6) She also imitates present-day older women who are “reverent in behavior.” (Titus 2:3, 4) By showing love and respect for her husband, an exemplary wife contributes much to the marital partnership and to the well-being of the entire family. Her home is a place of comfort and safety. To a spiritual man, a supportive wife is priceless!—Prov. 18:22.
Youths—‘Keep Your Eyes on the Things Unseen’
15 How can you young ones work along with your parents so that your family will “stay awake” spiritually? Consider the prize that Jehovah has set before you. Perhaps from your childhood, your parents showed you illustrations depicting life in Paradise. As you grew older, they likely used the Bible and Christian publications to help you visualize what everlasting life would be like in the new world. Keeping your eyes focused on service to Jehovah and planning your life accordingly will help you to “stay awake.”
16 Take to heart the apostle Paul’s words found at 1 Corinthians 9:24. (Read.) Run the race for life with the full intention of winning. Choose a course that will result in attaining the prize of everlasting life. Many have allowed the pursuit of material things to distract them from keeping their eyes on the prize. How foolish that is! Planning a life around gaining riches does not lead to true happiness. The things money can buy are temporary. You, though, keep your eyes on “the things unseen.” Why? Because “the things unseen are everlasting.”—2 Cor. 4:18.
17 “The things unseen” include Kingdom blessings. Plan to live your life in such a way as to attain them. Real happiness comes from using your life in Jehovah’s service. Serving the true God provides opportunities to reach out for short-range as well as long-range goals.* Setting realistic spiritual goals can help you to stay focused on serving God with a view to attaining the prize of everlasting life.—1 John 2:17.
18 Young ones, the first step on the road to life is to make the truth your own. Have you taken that step? Ask yourself: ‘Am I a spiritual person, or is my participation in spiritual activities dependent on my parents? Do I cultivate qualities that make me pleasing to God? Do I make an effort to maintain a consistent routine of sharing in activities related to true worship, such as regular prayer, study, meeting attendance, and field service? Am I drawing close to God by nurturing a personal relationship with him?’—Jas. 4:8.
19 Reflect on Moses’ example. Despite having been subjected to a foreign culture, he chose to be identified as a worshiper of Jehovah rather than a son of the daughter of Pharaoh. (Read Hebrews 11:24-27.) Christian youths, you too need to be determined to serve Jehovah faithfully. By doing that, you will gain true happiness, the best quality of life now, and the hope of getting “a firm hold on the real life.”—1 Tim. 6:19.
20 In the ancient games, only one runner won the race. That is not so in the race for life. It is God’s will “that all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth.” (1 Tim. 2:3, 4) Many have run successfully before you, and many are running alongside you. (Heb. 12:1, 2) The prize will go to all those who do not give up. So be determined to win!
21 “The coming of the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah” is inevitable. (Mal. 4:5) That day should not catch Christian families unawares. It is vital for all in the family to shoulder their Scriptural responsibility. What else can you do to remain spiritually alert and strengthen your relationship with God?
REFERRING to “the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah,” the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in Thessalonica: “Brothers, you are not in darkness, so that that day should overtake you as it would thieves, for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We belong neither to night nor to darkness.” Paul added: “So, then, let us not sleep on as the rest do, but let us stay awake and keep our senses.”—Joel 2:31; 1 Thess. 5:4-6.
2 Paul’s counsel to the Thessalonians is especially fitting for Christians living in “the time of the end.” (Dan. 12:4) As the end of his wicked system of things nears, Satan is bent on turning as many true worshippers as he can away from serving God. We are therefore wise to take to heart Paul’s admonition to remain spiritually vigilant. If a Christian family is to succeed in staying awake, it is important that each member shoulder his or her Scriptural responsibility. What role, then, do husbands, wives, and young ones play in helping their families to “stay awake”?
Husbands—Imitate “the Fine Shepherd”
3 “The head of a woman is the man,” states the Bible. (1 Cor. 11:3) What does a man’s responsibility as the head of a household involve? Outlining one aspect of headship, the Scriptures say: “If anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Tim. 5:8) Indeed, a man should provide materially for his family. If he is to help his family to stay awake spiritually, though, he must prove to be more than just a breadwinner. He needs to build up his household spiritually, helping all in the family to strengthen their relationship with God. (Prov. 24:3, 4) How can he do so?
4 Since “a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation,” a married man should examine and imitate the type of headship that Jesus provides for the congregation. (Eph. 5:23) Consider how Jesus described his relationship with his followers. (Read John 10:14, 15.) What is the key to success for a man who wants to build up his household spiritually? It is this: Study what Jesus said and did as “the fine shepherd,” and “follow his steps closely.”—1 Pet. 2:21.
5 Figuratively speaking, the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep is based on knowledge and trust. The shepherd knows all about his sheep, and the sheep know and trust the shepherd. They recognize and obey his voice. “I know my sheep and my sheep know me,” said Jesus. He does not have mere surface knowledge of the congregation. The Greek word here rendered “know” denotes “personal, intimate knowledge.” Yes, the Fine Shepherd knows his sheep personally. He knows their individual needs, their weaknesses, and their strengths. Nothing about his sheep escapes the notice of our Exemplar. And the sheep fully know the shepherd and trust his leadership.
6 To exercise his headship in imitation of Christ, a husband must learn to think of himself as a shepherd and of those under his care as sheep. He should strive to have an intimate knowledge of his family. Can a husband really have such knowledge? Yes, if he communicates well with all members of his family, listens to their concerns, takes the lead in family activities, and is conscientious about making good decisions involving such matters as family worship, meeting attendance, field service, recreation, and entertainment. When a Christian husband takes the lead with knowledge not only of God’s Word but also of those entrusted to him, it is more likely that his family members will have confidence in his headship and that he will have the satisfaction of seeing them remain united in true worship.
7 A good shepherd also has affection for his sheep. When we study the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life and ministry, our heart is moved with appreciation for the affection Jesus showed for his disciples. He even ‘surrendered his soul in behalf of the sheep.’ Husbands should imitate Jesus in showing affection for those under their care. Rather than harshly dominating his wife, a husband who desires God’s approval continues loving her “just as the Christ also loved the congregation.” (Eph. 5:25) His words should be kind and considerate, for she is worthy of honor.—1 Pet. 3:7.
8 In training young ones, the family head should firmly uphold godly principles. However, he must not fail to show affection for his children. Needed discipline should be administered lovingly. Some young ones may take longer than others to get the sense of what is expected of them. In that case, a father should show them greater patience. When men consistently follow the example of Jesus, they create a home environment that is safe and secure. Their families enjoy the type of spiritual security that the psalmist sang about.—Read Psalm 23:1-6.
9 The patriarch Noah lived in the time of the end of the world of his day. But Jehovah kept him “safe with seven others when he brought a deluge upon a world of ungodly people.” (2 Pet. 2:5) Noah had the responsibility of helping his family to survive the Flood. Christian family heads are in a similar position in these last days. (Matt. 24:37) How vital it is that they study the example of “the fine shepherd” and strive to imitate him!
Wives—‘Build Up Your Household’
10 “Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Eph. 5:22) This statement in no way suggests an undignified position. Prior to creating the first woman, Eve, the true God declared: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.” (Gen. 2:18) The role of “helper” and “complement”—that of being supportive of her husband as he cares for his family responsibilities—is an honorable one indeed.
11 An exemplary wife works for the good of her household. (Read Proverbs 14:1.) In contrast with a foolish woman, who shows disrespect for the headship arrangement, a wise woman has deep respect for this provision. Rather than manifesting the attitude of disobedience and independence that characterizes the world, she is in submission to her mate. (Eph. 2:2) A wife who is foolish does not hesitate to speak unfavorably of her husband, whereas a wise woman works to increase the respect that her children and others have for him. Such a wife is careful not to undermine her husband’s headship by nagging him or arguing with him. There is also the matter of being economical. A foolish woman likely squanders her family’s hard-earned resources. A supportive wife is not like that. She cooperates with her husband in financial matters. Her way of doing things is marked by prudence and economy. She does not pressure her husband to work overtime.
12 An exemplary wife helps the family to “stay awake” by assisting her husband in the spiritual education of the children. (Prov. 1:8) She actively supports the Family Worship program. Moreover, she is supportive of her husband when he gives counsel and discipline to their children. How different she is from an uncooperative wife, whose children suffer physically and spiritually!
13 How does a supportive wife feel about seeing her husband play an active role in the Christian congregation? Why, she is joyful! Whether her husband is a ministerial servant, an elder, or perhaps a member of a Hospital Liaison Committee or a Regional Building Committee, she is happy about his privilege. Actively supporting her husband with words and actions will surely involve sacrifices on her part. But she is aware that her husband’s involvement in theocratic activities helps the entire family to keep awake spiritually.
14 Being exemplary in a supportive role may be a challenge for a wife when her husband makes a decision she disagrees with. Even then, she manifests a “quiet and mild spirit” and cooperates with him to make his decision work. (1 Pet. 3:4) A good wife tries to follow the fine examples of godly women of former times, such as Sarah, Ruth, Abigail, and Jesus’ mother, Mary. (1 Pet. 3:5, 6) She also imitates present-day older women who are “reverent in behavior.” (Titus 2:3, 4) By showing love and respect for her husband, an exemplary wife contributes much to the marital partnership and to the well-being of the entire family. Her home is a place of comfort and safety. To a spiritual man, a supportive wife is priceless!—Prov. 18:22.
Youths—‘Keep Your Eyes on the Things Unseen’
15 How can you young ones work along with your parents so that your family will “stay awake” spiritually? Consider the prize that Jehovah has set before you. Perhaps from your childhood, your parents showed you illustrations depicting life in Paradise. As you grew older, they likely used the Bible and Christian publications to help you visualize what everlasting life would be like in the new world. Keeping your eyes focused on service to Jehovah and planning your life accordingly will help you to “stay awake.”
16 Take to heart the apostle Paul’s words found at 1 Corinthians 9:24. (Read.) Run the race for life with the full intention of winning. Choose a course that will result in attaining the prize of everlasting life. Many have allowed the pursuit of material things to distract them from keeping their eyes on the prize. How foolish that is! Planning a life around gaining riches does not lead to true happiness. The things money can buy are temporary. You, though, keep your eyes on “the things unseen.” Why? Because “the things unseen are everlasting.”—2 Cor. 4:18.
17 “The things unseen” include Kingdom blessings. Plan to live your life in such a way as to attain them. Real happiness comes from using your life in Jehovah’s service. Serving the true God provides opportunities to reach out for short-range as well as long-range goals.* Setting realistic spiritual goals can help you to stay focused on serving God with a view to attaining the prize of everlasting life.—1 John 2:17.
18 Young ones, the first step on the road to life is to make the truth your own. Have you taken that step? Ask yourself: ‘Am I a spiritual person, or is my participation in spiritual activities dependent on my parents? Do I cultivate qualities that make me pleasing to God? Do I make an effort to maintain a consistent routine of sharing in activities related to true worship, such as regular prayer, study, meeting attendance, and field service? Am I drawing close to God by nurturing a personal relationship with him?’—Jas. 4:8.
19 Reflect on Moses’ example. Despite having been subjected to a foreign culture, he chose to be identified as a worshiper of Jehovah rather than a son of the daughter of Pharaoh. (Read Hebrews 11:24-27.) Christian youths, you too need to be determined to serve Jehovah faithfully. By doing that, you will gain true happiness, the best quality of life now, and the hope of getting “a firm hold on the real life.”—1 Tim. 6:19.
20 In the ancient games, only one runner won the race. That is not so in the race for life. It is God’s will “that all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth.” (1 Tim. 2:3, 4) Many have run successfully before you, and many are running alongside you. (Heb. 12:1, 2) The prize will go to all those who do not give up. So be determined to win!
21 “The coming of the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah” is inevitable. (Mal. 4:5) That day should not catch Christian families unawares. It is vital for all in the family to shoulder their Scriptural responsibility. What else can you do to remain spiritually alert and strengthen your relationship with God?
13 Ways To Know Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is cheating On You
Saturday, October 26, 2013
1. He or She use to be someone that was caring, loving and understanding, and suddenly they have become moody suddenly, and eager to start fights? Sometimes, a cheating lover will displace his or her shame, anger, and guilt onto you by starting a fight, which can then be blamed on you. In short, they need a place to throw off their negative feelings. So they can get involve in any activities that will make them fight you.
2. Routine: Is he or she, for instance, coming home from work later than usual on some nights? Sometimes these small changes to a person's routine mean nothing more than life has given them a reason to be unavailable, but they are still something that you want to be aware of, they could be spending time with someone they just met, or having a date with, but do not think too much about it, make sure you ask him about work and what have been going on in his or her place of work.
3. Does he/she allow you to touch, or look through their phone, emails, etc.? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding their phone from you, or deleting all their messages before letting you have it, then there is something they don't want you to see. In most cases they might be scared you will get angry and heart broken.
4. Notice how often they leave the room when they receive calls, especially if he or she was someone that always stay with you when she receives most of her calls. If you ask who called or text ed them, do they always tell you "It's nobody or a friend or family member that often Text them?" These are also important signals, which show that your fiancee, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. has something to hide.
5. Is your boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly putting someone else down? They may be saying awful things about that person, but pay attention to the fact that they are still talking about them 24/7. They are trying to fool you into believing the person is undesirable, thus throwing the suspicion off them.
6. Do they have other email accounts, or other online accounts? Or begin to, out of nowhere, change their passwords to keep you out of their accounts? Normally, if they didn't give you their password to start with, this is no problem. But if they've suddenly changed it to protect messages they've written, or chats they've had, you should be aware.
7. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend stopped talking to you? Did your significant other always have things to say, and has suddenly become distant? Your relationship may be losing intimacy because your lover has started a new one with someone else.
9. Watch for earring on passenger side of the car, or a condom is behind their bed or even in the car, extra time will probably be taken to dispose of those items.
10. Does he smell different when he comes near you? Everyone knows this one is cliche, but it is also true. If he's coming around smelling like a perfume that you don't wear, then he's been too close with someone who wears it or probably hug the person .
11. Have his or her friends begun to act oddly around you? When you casually talk to his friends, do they seem anxious, nervous, or eager to leave? They probably know something you don't know.
12. Notice whether he begins to buy you gifts out of nowhere, or she starts casually mentioning an end to your relationship. Questions such as, "What would you do if we broke up," are key hints. Men and women, both, become guilty. This guilt can easily be forgotten with an action or item for the other person that makes the cheater seem selfless.
13. Catch them in a lie. Casually ask a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were such and such day, and let them answer. Remember their answer, and ask again a few days later. If they are lying constantly, then they will have a hard time keeping up. They may start to get angry with these simple questions, another big hint.
Please your suggestions and opinions count here, so do well to comment and tell us what you think and what your contribution could me.
Sexual Relationship That Was Detrimental
Sunday, October 20, 2013
During Ann pregnancy periods Terry was always eating out cause he didn't know how to cook, his mother in law said she would be willing to always go and prepare food for her son in law in their home during Ann's stay in the hospital , prior to this period she was doing everything to seduce Terry( her son in law) . Looking at Terry seductively , watching him naked as he was bathing , and even demanding for a peck that turns into kiss, all this was unknown to Ann. When she does observe she takes it that her mom will never hurt her not even in her marriage.
Terry couldn't tell his wife that was in the hospital because she was soon to give birth to a bouncing baby, so he kept the secret of his seductive mother in law to himself not knowing the situation will get worst, hence he was finally lured into sex by his mother in law and became a regular sex partner of his mother in law.
During this period the mother in law attitude change towards her husband ( Ann's father ) she became disrespectful and rude , though Ann's father was in a financial plight and couldn't support the family . It got to the stage where the two sex partners became too regular with their sexual activities , eventually Ann's mom became pregnant as confirmed by their family doctor . Ann's father had an heart attack when he got the news and was admitted in a nearby hospital. Terry was brutally beaten by Ann's elder brother, for impregnating his sister and mother between the space of 8 months. Now Ann's mom is rejected by her immediate family even Ann's grandmother and grandfather have rejected her mother ( Terry fuck mate ) because her act of infidelity is a taboo against their tradition .
Few months later Ann's mom was in labor and her condition became critical, the doctor demanded that a family member sign some documents for a surgery to be done so as to save her life and that of the unborn child .
Now Ann's mom life is in peril and the life of the unborn baby, remember the baby is innocent to the adulterous attitude of the adults , So please what will you suggest the family to do if you were related to them ? Please leave a comment as it could go along way to save someone's life and help someone make the right decision.
Is Divorce the Answer?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE
After assessing the damage, the owners have a choice—either tear down the house or save it.
Before making a hasty decision to end your marriage, think. Divorce does not always end life’s anxieties. On the contrary, often it merely exchanges one set of problems for another. In his book The Good Enough Teen, Dr. Brad Sachs warns: “Separating couples fantasize about the perfect divorce—the sudden and permanent passing of gray and stormy conflict, replaced by the cool, comforting breezes of serenity and congeniality. But such a state is just as eternally elusive as is the perfect marriage.” It is important, then, to be fully informed and to approach the question of divorce realistically.
The Bible and Divorce
The Bible does not treat divorce casually. It states that Jehovah God views as treacherous and hateful the frivolous putting away of one’s mate, perhaps with the motive of taking another spouse. (Malachi 2:13-16) Marriage is a permanent bond. (Matthew 19:6) Many marriages that broke up on trivial grounds could have been saved if partners had been more forgiving.—Matthew 18:21, 22.At the same time, the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage on one ground—sexual relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) Therefore, if you learn that your mate has been unfaithful, you have the right to terminate the marriage. Others should not impose their views on you, and it is not the purpose of this article to tell you what to do. In the end, you are the one who will live with the consequences; therefore, you are the one who must decide.—Galatians 6:5.
Nevertheless, the Bible states: “The shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) Hence, even if you have Scriptural grounds for divorce, you would do well to give serious thought to what that step will entail. (1 Corinthians 6:12) “Some may think that they have to decide quickly,” says David, in Britain. “But having been through a divorce, I can say from experience that time is needed to think things through.”*
Let us consider four important issues you need to think about. As we do, please note that none of the divorced individuals quoted say that they made a wrong decision. However, their comments highlight some of the challenges that often arise in the months and even years after ending a marriage.
1 The Problem of Finances
Daniella, in Italy, was married for 12 years when she found out that her husband had been having an affair with a colleague. “By the time I knew about it,” says Daniella, “the woman was six months pregnant.”
After a period of separation, Daniella decided to get a divorce. “I tried to save my marriage,” she says, “but my husband continued to be unfaithful.” Daniella feels that she made the right choice. Still, she relates: “As soon as we separated, my economic situation became disastrous. Sometimes I didn’t even have an evening meal. I would just drink a glass of milk.”
Maria, in Spain, suffered a similar setback. “My ex-husband doesn’t give us any financial support,” she says, “and I have to work very hard to pay off debts he had. I also had to move from a comfortable house to a small apartment in an unsafe area.”
As these experiences show, the breakup of a marriage often deals a devastating financial blow to women. In fact, a seven-year European study revealed that while the income of men increased by 11 percent after divorce, women’s income decreased by 17 percent. “It’s difficult for some women,” says Mieke Jansen, who headed the study, “because they have to care for the children, find a job as well as deal with the emotional trauma of divorce.” London’s Daily Telegraph noted that according to some attorneys, such factors are “forcing people to think twice about splitting up.”
What might happen: If you divorce, there may be a reduction in your income. You may also have to move. If you retain custody, it may be difficult to support yourself and adequately care for the needs of your children.—1 Timothy 5:8.
After a period of separation, Daniella decided to get a divorce. “I tried to save my marriage,” she says, “but my husband continued to be unfaithful.” Daniella feels that she made the right choice. Still, she relates: “As soon as we separated, my economic situation became disastrous. Sometimes I didn’t even have an evening meal. I would just drink a glass of milk.”
Maria, in Spain, suffered a similar setback. “My ex-husband doesn’t give us any financial support,” she says, “and I have to work very hard to pay off debts he had. I also had to move from a comfortable house to a small apartment in an unsafe area.”
As these experiences show, the breakup of a marriage often deals a devastating financial blow to women. In fact, a seven-year European study revealed that while the income of men increased by 11 percent after divorce, women’s income decreased by 17 percent. “It’s difficult for some women,” says Mieke Jansen, who headed the study, “because they have to care for the children, find a job as well as deal with the emotional trauma of divorce.” London’s Daily Telegraph noted that according to some attorneys, such factors are “forcing people to think twice about splitting up.”
What might happen: If you divorce, there may be a reduction in your income. You may also have to move. If you retain custody, it may be difficult to support yourself and adequately care for the needs of your children.—1 Timothy 5:8.
2 Parenting Issues
“My husband’s unfaithfulness came as a terrible shock,” says a woman in Britain named Jane. “Also, I was devastated to think that he actually chose to leave us.” Jane divorced her husband. She still believes that she made the right decision, but she admits: “One challenge I faced was having to be both mom and dad to the children. I had to make all the decisions myself.”
The situation was similar with Graciela, a divorced mother in Spain. “I was given full custody of my 16-year-old son,” she says. “But adolescence is a difficult time, and I was ill-prepared to raise my son alone. I spent days and nights sobbing. I felt like a failure as a mother.”
Those who share custody may face an additional problem—having to negotiate with the ex-spouse on such delicate issues as visitation arrangements, child support, and discipline. Christine, a divorced mother in the United States, says: “Creating a working relationship with your ex is not easy. There are so many emotions involved, and if you’re not careful, you could end up using your child as a tool to try to manipulate the situation.”
What might happen: The custody arrangements set forth in a court of law may not be what you would prefer. If you share custody, your ex-spouse may not be as reasonable as you would like regarding the aforementioned matters of visitation, financial support, and so on.
The situation was similar with Graciela, a divorced mother in Spain. “I was given full custody of my 16-year-old son,” she says. “But adolescence is a difficult time, and I was ill-prepared to raise my son alone. I spent days and nights sobbing. I felt like a failure as a mother.”
Those who share custody may face an additional problem—having to negotiate with the ex-spouse on such delicate issues as visitation arrangements, child support, and discipline. Christine, a divorced mother in the United States, says: “Creating a working relationship with your ex is not easy. There are so many emotions involved, and if you’re not careful, you could end up using your child as a tool to try to manipulate the situation.”
What might happen: The custody arrangements set forth in a court of law may not be what you would prefer. If you share custody, your ex-spouse may not be as reasonable as you would like regarding the aforementioned matters of visitation, financial support, and so on.
“EVERY CHILD’S BIRTHRIGHT”
“When I was five years old, my father had a brief affair with his secretary, and my parents divorced. As far as taking care of me, they did everything ‘right’ according to the wisdom of the day. They reassured me that while they did not love each other anymore, they still loved me, and after my father departed to his bachelor apartment across town, both continued to care for my material needs.“Two years later my mother remarried, and we moved out of the country. After that, I only saw my father every few years. I have seen him just once in the past nine years. He missed most of my growing up, and he does not know my three children—his grandchildren—except through what I’ve shared with him in letters and photos. They have missed knowing their grandfather.
“As a child of divorce, I grew up without any visible scars. But inside I battled monsters of rage, depression, and insecurity without knowing why. My trust in men was nonexistent. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that a mature friend helped me to identify the roots of my hostility and I began to work at letting go of it.
“My parents’ divorce took away from me every child’s birthright—the feeling of being secure and protected. The world is a cold, scary place, but it seems to me that the family unit is a wall against it, where the child can come to feel nurtured and comforted. Shatter the family unit, and the protective wall crumbles too.”—Diane.
3 The Effect of Divorce on You
Mark, from Britain, was betrayed by his wife more than once. “The second time,” he says, “I couldn’t cope with the possibility that it could happen again.” Mark divorced his wife, but he found that his feelings for her lingered. “When people say negative things about her, they think they’re helping; but they’re not,” he says. “Love stays for a long time.”
David, quoted earlier, was similarly devastated when he found out that his wife was involved with another man. “I reacted with total disbelief,” he says. “I truly wanted to spend every day of my life with her and our children.” David chose to divorce, but the breakup has left him with doubts about his future. “I wonder if someone could really love me or whether this might happen again if I remarry,” he says. “My confidence has been shaken.”
If you are divorced, it is only to be expected that you will experience a wide range of emotions. On the one hand, you might still feel love for this person with whom you shared a one-flesh bond. (Genesis 2:24) On the other hand, you might feel resentful over what has occurred. “Even after several years,” says Graciela, quoted earlier, “you feel confused, humiliated, and helpless. Many happy moments from your marriage come to mind, and you think: ‘He used to tell me that he couldn’t live without me. Was he always lying? Why did this happen?’”
What might happen: You may have lingering feelings of anger and resentment over the ways in which your spouse mistreated you. At times, loneliness may be overwhelming.—Proverbs 14:29; 18:1.
David, quoted earlier, was similarly devastated when he found out that his wife was involved with another man. “I reacted with total disbelief,” he says. “I truly wanted to spend every day of my life with her and our children.” David chose to divorce, but the breakup has left him with doubts about his future. “I wonder if someone could really love me or whether this might happen again if I remarry,” he says. “My confidence has been shaken.”
If you are divorced, it is only to be expected that you will experience a wide range of emotions. On the one hand, you might still feel love for this person with whom you shared a one-flesh bond. (Genesis 2:24) On the other hand, you might feel resentful over what has occurred. “Even after several years,” says Graciela, quoted earlier, “you feel confused, humiliated, and helpless. Many happy moments from your marriage come to mind, and you think: ‘He used to tell me that he couldn’t live without me. Was he always lying? Why did this happen?’”
What might happen: You may have lingering feelings of anger and resentment over the ways in which your spouse mistreated you. At times, loneliness may be overwhelming.—Proverbs 14:29; 18:1.
4 The Effect of Divorce on Children
“It was devastating,” says José, a divorced father in Spain. “The worst moment was when I discovered that the other man was my sister’s husband. I just wanted to die.” José found that his two boys—ages two and four—were also affected by their mother’s course. “They could not come to terms with the situation,” he says. “They didn’t understand why their mother was living with their uncle and why I had taken them with me and moved in with my sister and my mother. If I had to go somewhere, they would ask, ‘When are you coming home?’ or they would say, ‘Daddy, don’t leave us!’”
Children are often the forgotten casualties on the divorce battlefield. But what if two parents just do not get along? In such a case, is divorce really “better for the children”? In recent years, that notion has come under attack—especially when marital problems are not extreme. The book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce states: “Many adults who are trapped in very unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don’t care if Mom and Dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together.”
Admittedly, children are often aware of parental conflicts, and marital tension can take a toll on their young minds and hearts. However, to assume that a divorce will automatically be in their best interests could be a mistake. “The structure that marriage provides appears to help parents maintain the kind of consistent, moderate discipline to which children respond, even when the marriage is less than ideal,” write Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher in their book The Case for Marriage.
What might happen: Divorce could have a devastating effect on your children, especially if you do not encourage them to have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse.—See the box “Caught in the Middle.”
This article has discussed four factors that you would do well to consider if you are thinking about divorce. As mentioned earlier, if your spouse has been unfaithful, the decision is yours to make. Whichever course you choose, you need to be aware of the consequences. Know what challenges you will face, and be prepared to deal with them.
After considering the matter, you might feel that the better option is to work to improve your marriage. But is that really possible?
Children are often the forgotten casualties on the divorce battlefield. But what if two parents just do not get along? In such a case, is divorce really “better for the children”? In recent years, that notion has come under attack—especially when marital problems are not extreme. The book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce states: “Many adults who are trapped in very unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don’t care if Mom and Dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together.”
Admittedly, children are often aware of parental conflicts, and marital tension can take a toll on their young minds and hearts. However, to assume that a divorce will automatically be in their best interests could be a mistake. “The structure that marriage provides appears to help parents maintain the kind of consistent, moderate discipline to which children respond, even when the marriage is less than ideal,” write Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher in their book The Case for Marriage.
What might happen: Divorce could have a devastating effect on your children, especially if you do not encourage them to have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse.—See the box “Caught in the Middle.”
This article has discussed four factors that you would do well to consider if you are thinking about divorce. As mentioned earlier, if your spouse has been unfaithful, the decision is yours to make. Whichever course you choose, you need to be aware of the consequences. Know what challenges you will face, and be prepared to deal with them.
After considering the matter, you might feel that the better option is to work to improve your marriage. But is that really possible?
Is Divorce the Answer?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DIVORCE
After assessing the damage, the owners have a choice—either tear down the house or save it.
IS YOUR marriage at a similar juncture? Perhaps your spouse has betrayed your trust or recurring conflicts have sapped the joy from your relationship. If so, you might tell yourself, ‘We’ve fallen out of love’ or ‘We just aren’t meant for each other’ or ‘We didn’t know what we were doing when we got married.’ You could even be thinking, ‘Maybe we should divorce.’
Before making a hasty decision to end your marriage, think. Divorce does not always end life’s anxieties. On the contrary, often it merely exchanges one set of problems for another. In his book The Good Enough Teen, Dr. Brad Sachs warns: “Separating couples fantasize about the perfect divorce—the sudden and permanent passing of gray and stormy conflict, replaced by the cool, comforting breezes of serenity and congeniality. But such a state is just as eternally elusive as is the perfect marriage.” It is important, then, to be fully informed and to approach the question of divorce realistically.
The Bible and Divorce
The Bible does not treat divorce casually. It states that Jehovah God views as treacherous and hateful the frivolous putting away of one’s mate, perhaps with the motive of taking another spouse. (Malachi 2:13-16) Marriage is a permanent bond. (Matthew 19:6) Many marriages that broke up on trivial grounds could have been saved if partners had been more forgiving.—Matthew 18:21, 22.
At the same time, the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage on one ground—sexual relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) Therefore, if you learn that your mate has been unfaithful, you have the right to terminate the marriage. Others should not impose their views on you, and it is not the purpose of this article to tell you what to do. In the end, you are the one who will live with the consequences; therefore, you are the one who must decide.—Galatians 6:5.
Nevertheless, the Bible states: “The shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) Hence, even if you have Scriptural grounds for divorce, you would do well to give serious thought to what that step will entail. (1 Corinthians 6:12) “Some may think that they have to decide quickly,” says David, in Britain. “But having been through a divorce, I can say from experience that time is needed to think things through.”*
Let us consider four important issues you need to think about. As we do, please note that none of the divorced individuals quoted say that they made a wrong decision. However, their comments highlight some of the challenges that often arise in the months and even years after ending a marriage.
1 The Problem of Finances
Daniella, in Italy, was married for 12 years when she found out that her husband had been having an affair with a colleague. “By the time I knew about it,” says Daniella, “the woman was six months pregnant.”
After a period of separation, Daniella decided to get a divorce. “I tried to save my marriage,” she says, “but my husband continued to be unfaithful.” Daniella feels that she made the right choice. Still, she relates: “As soon as we separated, my economic situation became disastrous. Sometimes I didn’t even have an evening meal. I would just drink a glass of milk.”
Maria, in Spain, suffered a similar setback. “My ex-husband doesn’t give us any financial support,” she says, “and I have to work very hard to pay off debts he had. I also had to move from a comfortable house to a small apartment in an unsafe area.”
As these experiences show, the breakup of a marriage often deals a devastating financial blow to women. In fact, a seven-year European study revealed that while the income of men increased by 11 percent after divorce, women’s income decreased by 17 percent. “It’s difficult for some women,” says Mieke Jansen, who headed the study, “because they have to care for the children, find a job as well as deal with the emotional trauma of divorce.” London’s Daily Telegraph noted that according to some attorneys, such factors are “forcing people to think twice about splitting up.”
What might happen: If you divorce, there may be a reduction in your income. You may also have to move. If you retain custody, it may be difficult to support yourself and adequately care for the needs of your children.—1 Timothy 5:8.
2 Parenting Issues
“My husband’s unfaithfulness came as a terrible shock,” says a woman in Britain named Jane. “Also, I was devastated to think that he actually chose to leave us.” Jane divorced her husband. She still believes that she made the right decision, but she admits: “One challenge I faced was having to be both mom and dad to the children. I had to make all the decisions myself.”
The situation was similar with Graciela, a divorced mother in Spain. “I was given full custody of my 16-year-old son,” she says. “But adolescence is a difficult time, and I was ill-prepared to raise my son alone. I spent days and nights sobbing. I felt like a failure as a mother.”
Those who share custody may face an additional problem—having to negotiate with the ex-spouse on such delicate issues as visitation arrangements, child support, and discipline. Christine, a divorced mother in the United States, says: “Creating a working relationship with your ex is not easy. There are so many emotions involved, and if you’re not careful, you could end up using your child as a tool to try to manipulate the situation.”
What might happen: The custody arrangements set forth in a court of law may not be what you would prefer. If you share custody, your ex-spouse may not be as reasonable as you would like regarding the aforementioned matters of visitation, financial support, and so on.
“EVERY CHILD’S BIRTHRIGHT”
“When I was five years old, my father had a brief affair with his secretary, and my parents divorced. As far as taking care of me, they did everything ‘right’ according to the wisdom of the day. They reassured me that while they did not love each other anymore, they still loved me, and after my father departed to his bachelor apartment across town, both continued to care for my material needs.
“Two years later my mother remarried, and we moved out of the country. After that, I only saw my father every few years. I have seen him just once in the past nine years. He missed most of my growing up, and he does not know my three children—his grandchildren—except through what I’ve shared with him in letters and photos. They have missed knowing their grandfather.
“As a child of divorce, I grew up without any visible scars. But inside I battled monsters of rage, depression, and insecurity without knowing why. My trust in men was nonexistent. It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that a mature friend helped me to identify the roots of my hostility and I began to work at letting go of it.
“My parents’ divorce took away from me every child’s birthright—the feeling of being secure and protected. The world is a cold, scary place, but it seems to me that the family unit is a wall against it, where the child can come to feel nurtured and comforted. Shatter the family unit, and the protective wall crumbles too.”—Diane.
3 The Effect of Divorce on You
Mark, from Britain, was betrayed by his wife more than once. “The second time,” he says, “I couldn’t cope with the possibility that it could happen again.” Mark divorced his wife, but he found that his feelings for her lingered. “When people say negative things about her, they think they’re helping; but they’re not,” he says. “Love stays for a long time.”
David, quoted earlier, was similarly devastated when he found out that his wife was involved with another man. “I reacted with total disbelief,” he says. “I truly wanted to spend every day of my life with her and our children.” David chose to divorce, but the breakup has left him with doubts about his future. “I wonder if someone could really love me or whether this might happen again if I remarry,” he says. “My confidence has been shaken.”
If you are divorced, it is only to be expected that you will experience a wide range of emotions. On the one hand, you might still feel love for this person with whom you shared a one-flesh bond. (Genesis 2:24) On the other hand, you might feel resentful over what has occurred. “Even after several years,” says Graciela, quoted earlier, “you feel confused, humiliated, and helpless. Many happy moments from your marriage come to mind, and you think: ‘He used to tell me that he couldn’t live without me. Was he always lying? Why did this happen?’”
What might happen: You may have lingering feelings of anger and resentment over the ways in which your spouse mistreated you. At times, loneliness may be overwhelming.—Proverbs 14:29; 18:1.
4 The Effect of Divorce on Children
“It was devastating,” says José, a divorced father in Spain. “The worst moment was when I discovered that the other man was my sister’s husband. I just wanted to die.” José found that his two boys—ages two and four—were also affected by their mother’s course. “They could not come to terms with the situation,” he says. “They didn’t understand why their mother was living with their uncle and why I had taken them with me and moved in with my sister and my mother. If I had to go somewhere, they would ask, ‘When are you coming home?’ or they would say, ‘Daddy, don’t leave us!’”
Children are often the forgotten casualties on the divorce battlefield. But what if two parents just do not get along? In such a case, is divorce really “better for the children”? In recent years, that notion has come under attack—especially when marital problems are not extreme. The book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce states: “Many adults who are trapped in very unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don’t care if Mom and Dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together.”
Admittedly, children are often aware of parental conflicts, and marital tension can take a toll on their young minds and hearts. However, to assume that a divorce will automatically be in their best interests could be a mistake. “The structure that marriage provides appears to help parents maintain the kind of consistent, moderate discipline to which children respond, even when the marriage is less than ideal,” write Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher in their book The Case for Marriage.
What might happen: Divorce could have a devastating effect on your children, especially if you do not encourage them to have a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse.—See the box “Caught in the Middle.”
This article has discussed four factors that you would do well to consider if you are thinking about divorce. As mentioned earlier, if your spouse has been unfaithful, the decision is yours to make. Whichever course you choose, you need to be aware of the consequences. Know what challenges you will face, and be prepared to deal with them.
After considering the matter, you might feel that the better option is to work to improve your marriage. But is that really possible?
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