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“There’s a ton of pressure all around me to date. There’s also a ton of cute guys.”—Marilyn
“Some girls come on strong, and I want to say yes. But if I ask my parents, I know what their answer will be.”—John.
THE urge to be with someone special—and to be with someone who thinks you are special—can be incredibly strong, even at a very young age. “I started to feel the pressure to date when I was 11,” recalls Jane. Brittany says: “At school you feel like you’re only half a person if you’re not dating someone—anyone!”
What about you? Are you ready to date? To answer that, we first need to address a more basic question:
What Is “Dating”?
Mark your response to the following questions:
You regularly go out with a certain member of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
□ Yes
□ No
You and a member of the opposite sex are attracted to each other. Several times a day, you text-message or talk to this person on the phone. Are you dating?
□ Yes
□ No
Every time you get together with your friends, you pair off with the same person of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
□ Yes
□ No
You most likely had no problem answering the first question. But you may have paused before responding to the second and the third. What exactly is dating? Really, dating is any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person’s interest is focused on you. So the answer to all three questions listed above is yes. Whether on the phone or face-to-face, in the open or in secret, if you and a friend of the opposite sex have a special romantic understanding and communicate regularly, it’s dating. Are you ready to go down that road? A consideration of three questions will help you find out.
Why Do You Want to Date?
In many cultures dating is regarded as a legitimate way for two people to become better acquainted. But dating should have an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other.
Granted, some of your peers might take a casual view of dating. Perhaps they simply enjoy being with a special friend of the opposite sex, without any intention of marriage. Some might even view such a friend as little more than a trophy or an accessory to be seen with in public to boost their own self-esteem. Often, though, such shallow relationships are short-lived. “Many young ones who date break up with each other a week or two later,” says a girl named Heather. “They come to view relationships as transitory—which in a sense prepares them for divorce rather than for marriage.”
Clearly, when you date someone, you’re affecting that person’s feelings. So be sure your intentions are honorable. Think: Would you like someone to play with your feelings as if they were some child’s toy—to be picked up for a moment and then quickly abandoned? A youth named Chelsea says: “Part of me wants to say that dating should be just for fun, but it’s no fun when one person is taking it seriously and the other isn’t.”
You’re How Old?
At what age do you think it’s appropriate for a youth to start dating? ․․․․․
Now ask one or both of your parents the same question, and fill in their answer. ․․․․․
Chances are, the first number you wrote down is lower than the second. Or maybe not! You might be among the many youths who are wisely putting off dating until they’re old enough to know themselves better. That’s what Danielle, 17, decided to do. She says: “Thinking back to two years ago, what I would have looked for in a potential mate was so different from what I would look for now. Basically, even at this point I don’t trust myself to make such a decision. When I feel that my personality has been stable for a couple of years, then I’ll think about dating.”
There’s another reason why waiting is wise. The Bible uses the phrase “the bloom of youth” to describe the period of life when sexual feelings and romantic emotions first become strong. (1 Corinthians 7:36) To maintain close association with one particular member of the opposite sex while you’re still in this phase can fan the flames of desire and lead to wrong conduct. True, that might mean little to your peers. Many of them are all too eager to experiment with sex. But you can rise above that kind of thinking! (Romans 12:2) After all, the Bible urges you to “flee from sexual immorality.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, New International Version) By waiting until you’re past the bloom of youth, you can “ward off calamity.”—Ecclesiastes 11:10.
Are You Ready to Get Married?
To help you answer the above question, take a good look at yourself. Consider the following:
Relationships. How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sarcastic language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicates how you will treat a mate.—Read Ephesians 4:31.
Demeanor. Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way—your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient? Cultivating the fruitage of God’s spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later.—Read Galatians 5:22, 23.
Finances. How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? the employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family?—Read 1 Timothy 5:8.
The person you marry deserves nothing less than a spiritually strong partner.—Read Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10
Are You Ready to Get Married?
To help you answer the above question, take a good look at yourself. Consider the following:
Relationships. How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sarcastic
language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicates how you will treat a mate.—Read Ephesians 4:31.
Demeanor. Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way—your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient? Cultivating the fruitage of God’s spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later.—Read Galatians 5:22, 23.
Finances. How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? the employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family?—Read 1 Timothy 5:8.
Do you take the initiative to read God’s Word, to engage in the ministry, and to participate at Christian meetings? The person you marry deserves nothing less than a spiritually strong partner.—Read Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10.
What You Can Do
Being pressured to date before you’re ready would be like being forced to take a final exam for a course that you’ve barely started. Obviously, that wouldn’t be fair! You need time to study your subject so you can become familiar with the kind of problems you’ll face in the test.
It’s similar with dating. As we’ve seen, dating is no trivial matter. So before you’re ready to focus on one particular person, you need to take time to study a very important “subject”—how to build friendships. Later, when you meet the right person, you’ll be in a better position to build a solid relationship. After all, a good marriage is the union of two good friends.
Waiting to date won’t stifle your freedom. On the contrary, it will give you more freedom to ‘rejoice in your youth.’ (Ecclesiastes 11:9) And you’ll have time to prepare yourself by developing your personality and, most important, your spirituality.—Lamentations 3:27.
In the meantime, you Cana enjoy the company of the opposite sex. What’s the best way to do so? Associate together in properly supervised mixed groups. A girl named Tammy says: “I think it’s more fun that way. It’s better to have a lot of friends.” Monica agrees. “The group idea is a really good idea,” she says, “because you get to see people with different personalities.”
In contrast, if you focus on one person too soon, you set yourself up for heartache. So take your time. Use this period of your life to learn how to cultivate and maintain friendships. Later, if you choose to date, you’ll have a better idea of who you are and what you need in a lifelong partner.
Let us stay awake and keep our senses.
REFERRING to “the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah,” the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in Thessalonica: “Brothers, you are not in darkness, so that that day should overtake you as it would thieves, for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We belong neither to night nor to darkness.” Paul added: “So, then, let us not sleep on as the rest do, but let us stay awake and keep our senses.”—Joel 2:31; 1 Thess. 5:4-6.
2 Paul’s counsel to the Thessalonians is especially fitting for Christians living in “the time of the end.” (Dan. 12:4) As the end of his wicked system of things nears, Satan is bent on turning as many true worshippers as he can away from serving God. We are therefore wise to take to heart Paul’s admonition to remain spiritually vigilant. If a Christian family is to succeed in staying awake, it is important that each member shoulder his or her Scriptural responsibility. What role, then, do husbands, wives, and young ones play in helping their families to “stay awake”?
Husbands—Imitate “the Fine Shepherd”
3 “The head of a woman is the man,” states the Bible. (1 Cor. 11:3) What does a man’s responsibility as the head of a household involve? Outlining one aspect of headship, the Scriptures say: “If anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Tim. 5:8) Indeed, a man should provide materially for his family. If he is to help his family to stay awake spiritually, though, he must prove to be more than just a breadwinner. He needs to build up his household spiritually, helping all in the family to strengthen their relationship with God. (Prov. 24:3, 4) How can he do so?
4 Since “a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation,” a married man should examine and imitate the type of headship that Jesus provides for the congregation. (Eph. 5:23) Consider how Jesus described his relationship with his followers. (Read John 10:14, 15.) What is the key to success for a man who wants to build up his household spiritually? It is this: Study what Jesus said and did as “the fine shepherd,” and “follow his steps closely.”—1 Pet. 2:21.
5 Figuratively speaking, the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep is based on knowledge and trust. The shepherd knows all about his sheep, and the sheep know and trust the shepherd. They recognize and obey his voice. “I know my sheep and my sheep know me,” said Jesus. He does not have mere surface knowledge of the congregation. The Greek word here rendered “know” denotes “personal, intimate knowledge.” Yes, the Fine Shepherd knows his sheep personally. He knows their individual needs, their weaknesses, and their strengths. Nothing about his sheep escapes the notice of our Exemplar. And the sheep fully know the shepherd and trust his leadership.
6 To exercise his headship in imitation of Christ, a husband must learn to think of himself as a shepherd and of those under his care as sheep. He should strive to have an intimate knowledge of his family. Can a husband really have such knowledge? Yes, if he communicates well with all members of his family, listens to their concerns, takes the lead in family activities, and is conscientious about making good decisions involving such matters as family worship, meeting attendance, field service, recreation, and entertainment. When a Christian husband takes the lead with knowledge not only of God’s Word but also of those entrusted to him, it is more likely that his family members will have confidence in his headship and that he will have the satisfaction of seeing them remain united in true worship.
7 A good shepherd also has affection for his sheep. When we study the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life and ministry, our heart is moved with appreciation for the affection Jesus showed for his disciples. He even ‘surrendered his soul in behalf of the sheep.’ Husbands should imitate Jesus in showing affection for those under their care. Rather than harshly dominating his wife, a husband who desires God’s approval continues loving her “just as the Christ also loved the congregation.” (Eph. 5:25) His words should be kind and considerate, for she is worthy of honor.—1 Pet. 3:7.
8 In training young ones, the family head should firmly uphold godly principles. However, he must not fail to show affection for his children. Needed discipline should be administered lovingly. Some young ones may take longer than others to get the sense of what is expected of them. In that case, a father should show them greater patience. When men consistently follow the example of Jesus, they create a home environment that is safe and secure. Their families enjoy the type of spiritual security that the psalmist sang about.—Read Psalm 23:1-6.
9 The patriarch Noah lived in the time of the end of the world of his day. But Jehovah kept him “safe with seven others when he brought a deluge upon a world of ungodly people.” (2 Pet. 2:5) Noah had the responsibility of helping his family to survive the Flood. Christian family heads are in a similar position in these last days. (Matt. 24:37) How vital it is that they study the example of “the fine shepherd” and strive to imitate him!
Wives—‘Build Up Your Household’
10 “Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Eph. 5:22) This statement in no way suggests an undignified position. Prior to creating the first woman, Eve, the true God declared: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.” (Gen. 2:18) The role of “helper” and “complement”—that of being supportive of her husband as he cares for his family responsibilities—is an honorable one indeed.
11 An exemplary wife works for the good of her household. (Read Proverbs 14:1.) In contrast with a foolish woman, who shows disrespect for the headship arrangement, a wise woman has deep respect for this provision. Rather than manifesting the attitude of disobedience and independence that characterizes the world, she is in submission to her mate. (Eph. 2:2) A wife who is foolish does not hesitate to speak unfavorably of her husband, whereas a wise woman works to increase the respect that her children and others have for him. Such a wife is careful not to undermine her husband’s headship by nagging him or arguing with him. There is also the matter of being economical. A foolish woman likely squanders her family’s hard-earned resources. A supportive wife is not like that. She cooperates with her husband in financial matters. Her way of doing things is marked by prudence and economy. She does not pressure her husband to work overtime.
12 An exemplary wife helps the family to “stay awake” by assisting her husband in the spiritual education of the children. (Prov. 1:8) She actively supports the Family Worship program. Moreover, she is supportive of her husband when he gives counsel and discipline to their children. How different she is from an uncooperative wife, whose children suffer physically and spiritually!
13 How does a supportive wife feel about seeing her husband play an active role in the Christian congregation? Why, she is joyful! Whether her husband is a ministerial servant, an elder, or perhaps a member of a Hospital Liaison Committee or a Regional Building Committee, she is happy about his privilege. Actively supporting her husband with words and actions will surely involve sacrifices on her part. But she is aware that her husband’s involvement in theocratic activities helps the entire family to keep awake spiritually.
14 Being exemplary in a supportive role may be a challenge for a wife when her husband makes a decision she disagrees with. Even then, she manifests a “quiet and mild spirit” and cooperates with him to make his decision work. (1 Pet. 3:4) A good wife tries to follow the fine examples of godly women of former times, such as Sarah, Ruth, Abigail, and Jesus’ mother, Mary. (1 Pet. 3:5, 6) She also imitates present-day older women who are “reverent in behavior.” (Titus 2:3, 4) By showing love and respect for her husband, an exemplary wife contributes much to the marital partnership and to the well-being of the entire family. Her home is a place of comfort and safety. To a spiritual man, a supportive wife is priceless!—Prov. 18:22.
Youths—‘Keep Your Eyes on the Things Unseen’
15 How can you young ones work along with your parents so that your family will “stay awake” spiritually? Consider the prize that Jehovah has set before you. Perhaps from your childhood, your parents showed you illustrations depicting life in Paradise. As you grew older, they likely used the Bible and Christian publications to help you visualize what everlasting life would be like in the new world. Keeping your eyes focused on service to Jehovah and planning your life accordingly will help you to “stay awake.”
16 Take to heart the apostle Paul’s words found at 1 Corinthians 9:24. (Read.) Run the race for life with the full intention of winning. Choose a course that will result in attaining the prize of everlasting life. Many have allowed the pursuit of material things to distract them from keeping their eyes on the prize. How foolish that is! Planning a life around gaining riches does not lead to true happiness. The things money can buy are temporary. You, though, keep your eyes on “the things unseen.” Why? Because “the things unseen are everlasting.”—2 Cor. 4:18.
17 “The things unseen” include Kingdom blessings. Plan to live your life in such a way as to attain them. Real happiness comes from using your life in Jehovah’s service. Serving the true God provides opportunities to reach out for short-range as well as long-range goals.* Setting realistic spiritual goals can help you to stay focused on serving God with a view to attaining the prize of everlasting life.—1 John 2:17.
18 Young ones, the first step on the road to life is to make the truth your own. Have you taken that step? Ask yourself: ‘Am I a spiritual person, or is my participation in spiritual activities dependent on my parents? Do I cultivate qualities that make me pleasing to God? Do I make an effort to maintain a consistent routine of sharing in activities related to true worship, such as regular prayer, study, meeting attendance, and field service? Am I drawing close to God by nurturing a personal relationship with him?’—Jas. 4:8.
19 Reflect on Moses’ example. Despite having been subjected to a foreign culture, he chose to be identified as a worshiper of Jehovah rather than a son of the daughter of Pharaoh. (Read Hebrews 11:24-27.) Christian youths, you too need to be determined to serve Jehovah faithfully. By doing that, you will gain true happiness, the best quality of life now, and the hope of getting “a firm hold on the real life.”—1 Tim. 6:19.
20 In the ancient games, only one runner won the race. That is not so in the race for life. It is God’s will “that all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth.” (1 Tim. 2:3, 4) Many have run successfully before you, and many are running alongside you. (Heb. 12:1, 2) The prize will go to all those who do not give up. So be determined to win!
21 “The coming of the great and fear-inspiring day of Jehovah” is inevitable. (Mal. 4:5) That day should not catch Christian families unawares. It is vital for all in the family to shoulder their Scriptural responsibility. What else can you do to remain spiritually alert and strengthen your relationship with God?
A guy (Names withheld) dated a girl for 2 years without sexual intercourse. Even after the Introduction, the girl did not allow him to touch her so a wedding date was fixed. The day before the wedding was the bachelors eve so all his friends were in attendance with their girlfriends and fun rented the air. It was wild and captivating, in time he became horny from watching his friends and their partners and again his Fiancee turned him down begging him to wait a little longer. At last the D-Day came and the groom was patiently waiting for the wedding to come to an end. Finally they became Man and Wife!
Back in their matrimonial home, the man invited his woman to the bathroom but she refused that she is too shy to take a bath with him. After that he made passes but she complained of tiredness and needed some rest. He got mad and left her alone. At 10pm, a 5 man armed robbers attacked the neighborhood and their apartment was not spared. They robbed them and decided to rape the wife. The first disvirgined her and others took turns in ravaging her. She lost her consciousness and was rushed to the hospital. After she regained her consciousness, her dear husband sent her packing.
Did he do the right thing by sending her away? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
Every woman's dream is to get married someday, even the divorced wants to remarry. Despite the number of separation and divorce daily, many are still dreaming of their wedding day. It's beautiful and encouraging but how many of these women and of course men have really taken their time to prepare for MARRIAGE? Do they even realize that marriage is worth preparing for?
Marriage is an institution, yes but unlike other institutions, no one ever graduates. But you can earn your certificates as the years roll by in many forms- raising wonderful kids is one. In this institution, you are expected to be the lecturer and not the student so ill preparation leads to frustrations, fight, heartbreaks and poverty in many cases.
Ways To Prepare for Marriage
1) Attend seminars on marital issues, learn from the experienced. You don't have to get burnt to learn. The best way to learn is by observation especially in this case.
2) Invest your time and resources in yourself as a single man/woman. Formal Education is a very good way but to be double-sure, learn a trade, craft, bead making anything that will boost your income.
3) Understand that your Love for each other may take a leave sometimes, be prepared to keep the family together until Love gets back.
4) Find someone, do not attempt to change that man/woman into your idea of a spouse. study them. Can you tolerate him/her?
5) Money Management. This is very very important as the lack of money causes friction in a marriage. Enroll for some causes in finances and better learn how to manage the family income and expenditure.
6) Create a forgiving heart because in Marriage, you'll find many reasons to throw in the towel.
7) When the going gets tough, get tougher. Seek marital therapy not divorce.
Ask all the hard questions before marriage. Know the difference between Marriage & Wedding. Unite your goals and watch them grow in a few years when the time seems right, then settle down.
If you prepare yourselves adequately before going into marriage, the burden will be minimal and you will experience the Joy of Marital life. You will never have to ask the question 'Are you the woman/man I married?.
This is the true life story of a woman called Rebecca, she came out of an abusive marriage, as she gave birth to 2 kids for the husband, at a point she decided to get a divorce, so she left the Husband.
After been through many ordeals the kids were staying with their father, so she relocated from Jefferson Ohio to another city in Ohio named Cleveland ,
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| Wife cheating on Husband |
she got lucky and got a job,so she was staying with a girl friend, as time went on she had a misunderstanding with her girlfriend, so she had to leave the House. Got another apartment she was sharing with a room mate named Daniel, they lived together sharing apartment and at a point they became intimate and started having sex.
Prior to this period she tried the internet online dating sites, and was talking to a man ( Larry) she met online and was so in love with this man, the man made a lot of promises to her and told her she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She loved this man so much and knew she would marry him immediately if they were in the altar. Larry sent her an engagement ring, she lost contact with this Larry, even though she lived with the thoughts of him with each passing day and missed him more than oxygen but had to live on waiting for him to come.
After involvement in many sexual activities with Daniel her room mate,
Daniel was taking good care of Rebecca and taking care of all the bills, so they decided to marry each other, and was living a happy family life there after. Three years after marriage Larry (Rebecca online partner) got in touch with Rebecca, it was one of the happiest day for Rebecca as she missed Larry so much and their love became rekindled. She had to continue having an extra marital affairs and was so much in love with Larry, she told Larry about her marriage with Daniel cos she had no choice then, but he still wants her even though she is married, after all he met her before Daniel.
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Now Rebecca does not want to hurt Daniel as she realize he love her so much and care about her,
and he was the man that gave her shelter when they was no one, but still she love Larry so much and wouldn't want Larry to go, according to her Larry is her life . So she is considering running away with Larry. She is so confused she cannot LIVE WITHOUT HIM.
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