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WHEN young ones leave home, they are often shocked to find out just how much it costs to live in the ‘real world.’ For many, a way to cope with the high cost of living is to share expenses with one or more roommates.
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| Room mates |
The Danger of Bad Association
Many young adults turn to bulletin boards, classified ads in newspapers, and the Internet to find potential roommates. But for young Christians, such sources have serious pitfalls. They will likely lead to your meeting individuals who do not share your faith, morals, or standards. Is it narrow-minded or antisocial to want to room only with someone of the same faith? No, it is the course of wisdom. The Bible itself warns: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.”—1 Corinthians 15:33.
Finding Suitable Roommates
It is advisable to look for roommates who are morally inclined, who hold moral standard in high esteem. Word of mouth can also be a powerful tool. The more people you let know of your need, the more likely you are to get results. (Ecclesiastes 11:6) Above all, ask Jehovah for help in finding a roommate, and look to him to bless your efforts.
Checking Things Out
Having found a potential roommate, you may be eager to get together soon. But it is wise to do some checking first. Is that person “well reported on by the brothers” in his or her congregation? (Acts 16:1, 2) Perhaps you and your parents can speak directly with spiritually qualified individuals who know him or her. You might ask: ‘What reputation does this one have? Is this person stable emotionally and spiritually? Does he or she share in preaching to others and in commenting at meetings? Is this person known for upright conduct?
Talking Things Out
Next, get together in person and discuss matters. Such conversations can help you determine if your personalities are compatible. Interestingly, a study reported on in the journal Communication Research Reports revealed that roommates who are similar in their communication traits “reported the highest roommate satisfaction and liking.” So if you are the open, sociable, expressive type, you may run into problems rooming with someone who is reserved, quiet, or inclined to be a loner.
Also worthwhile to discuss may be such things as hobbies, preferences, and tastes in music. “I’d like to room with somebody who likes the same kind of things that I do, who has a similar personality, who likes to do the same things,” says Mark. Of course, having different tastes doesn’t necessarily rule out rooming together. The real issue is, How flexible are both of you? Are you willing to tolerate differences and make adjustments to accommodate each other? You should also ask what the other person expects out of the arrangement.
Decently and by Arrangement
Another helpful principle is found at Luke 14:28, where it says: “Calculate the expense.” Yes, try to figure out what your living expenses will be. How much will have to go for rent? Food? Utilities? Will you share a telephone? If so, how will you split the bill? “I would definitely make sure that a girl can handle her share of the expenses before taking her as a roommate,” says Lynn. The on-line magazine The Next Step rightly observes: “Roommates who don’t kick in for rent or food . . . or incur high utility bills give you stress that no one needs.”
Being careful and prudent increases the likelihood of your finding a roommate who will be a blessing to you and not a source of distress. However, what if problems and personality conflicts develop? A future article will discuss these situations.
I woke up this morning with a slap on my face like 3 times, my girl friend woke me up saying who was the girl named push it on my phone, i told her it was a female name, she said you have been seeing that girl again with another slap on my face and was hurting me with her fingers as i had blooding running off my body and face from the flesh peeling. She was crying profusely with tears all over her eyes. She wanted me to beat her so people can see how much have hurt her physically. You know what i did to control my anger? Though i was so angry and threatened to beat her, i mistakenly gave her one slap back . Immediately i knew i was wrong cos it was the first time have ever slapped her. The following were what i did to control my anger.
1. I took a deep breath for about five times: taking a deep breath help you control your level of consciousnesses.
2. Thought About The Aftereffect: I thought about the after effect of everything, i asked myself questions like what if i hit her and she fall real sick, or we fought and she stabbed me or broke my head as well.
3. God's view About Fight: I know God will never be happy with me if i had a fight with her, so that helped me control my anger.
4, Emotional Breakdown: She will feel traumatized after the incident and will be emotionally unstable.
5. Love : I thought about how much love her and how much she meant to me, I just had to reduce my anger.
Confidence can do a lot for a person.
If you are not confident, what is causing you to have doubts in your self? Do you think you are a failure, unattractive, stupid?
All of this can be overcome with confidence. Honestly, girls (girls we want to date) don't care a lot about these things. Of course, if you are really over weight and you have bad teeth and you dress like a hobo, change yourself.
They act like they are good looking and they are rich, they act in ways that make men and women naturally attracted to them.
A happy go lucky guy who smiles a lot will get x10 the amount of attention as a sad sack sitting in the corner no matter how hot or rich he is.
Be happy with yourself, but if there is something holding you back from being a more outgoing person, fix it.
If you have something that bothers you, something like acne or weird mole. You can either realize that it does not bother anyone else or simply fix it. Because if you are self-conscious all the time, you will not act in an attractive way to a woman.
Those people that do fix their “flaws” notice a big difference, but not in their physical appearance...in their confidence level.
Be Calm
Especially on the first date, be cool. Don't be nervous, don't get all excited and act like a goof.
Don't act desperate around women, just be yourself and not worry about the outcome, dating should be fun!
Be Fun!
Men are so scared to be themselves around women that they act all uptight and nervous and are not sure what to say.
Don't worry about. Most men by nature are not big mouth arrogant SOB's, so just say what's on your mind.
Talking about sex and other taboo subjects is FINE. Teasing a girl lightly is fine, as long as it's funny and a little bit cocky.
Be the fun guy to hang around, make dating fun for you and her.
Don’t Show your Emotions
This rule IS SO IMPORTANT when you start dating someone more seriously. I made this mistake a couple of times early on and the relationships ended pretty soon after.
If a woman says something to you that makes you feel nervous, angry, upset and you feel like you're going to get overly emotional and say something you will regret, FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR SANITY, Don't say anything.
It's a lot easier to say nothing then it is to take something stupid back. Think before you speak. Women will always do this. Women will blame you for things that are not your fault, things will happen in their lives that make them emotional, you're job is to stay calm.
I'll give you a personal example. I started dating a girl I REALLY liked, but a couple of weeks into the relationship, she told me she was pregnant and she wasn't sure who the father was, because before she started dating me, she was seeing two other guys.
I freaked out, and you probably think, well rightly so, and it was probably for the best things ended,
but, breaking up with someone is better when you're the one breaking up with the girl
I know this sounds childish, but it's true. It's a mental thing. Being dumped is a horrible feeling and take's longer to get over.
Be a Man
Girls like a guy who will lead in the relationship. I don't mean bossy, I mean lead. It's a manly thing to do.
When a woman asks what you want to do, don't reply back, "I dunno, what do you want to do", take the bull by the horn's and make a decision. I know it's a bit of a pain to be the one who does this all the time, but it really works.
Also, when women throw things at you that you're not expecting, never over react, I touched on this just before, and I'm going to again.
If a girl says she's going out with male friends, or seeing an ex boyfriend, don't flip your lid, this is the quickest way to push her away.
Just say things like, "you do what you wanna do", "it's your life, I'm not your father, have fun". Saying things like this make you sound confident in yourself and don't really care what she does.
Begging her not to go and doing all sorts of crazy things guys do will push her away for good.
There’s Plenty of Fish in the Sea
Always keep busy! Never make too much time for a girl when you first start dating. All the other rules will fall into place if you just follow this one.
I know it can be hard, but just try and resist temptation by keeping yourself busy.
When you're sitting at home with nothing to do, you will be tempted to want to call any girl you're dating too much and you will become too available.
If she's says lets make plans for Tuesday, say no you're busy, how about Wednesday.
Get a hobby, play a sport, go out more with your friends and if you don't have any friends, make some!
Keep your mind busy and everything else will fall into place because you will be too busy with your life to care what she is doing. She will be just a nice little extra in your life, not your whole life!
Be Mysterious
If a girl goes on one or two dates with you and already feels that she knows absolutely everything about you, you are in big trouble. Because there will be nothing else for her to look forward to, nothing else to unravel.
Again, this goes with keeping busy. Never see a girl more then twice a week for at least the first 10 to 20 dates. Seriously. I know you will want to spend all your time with someone if you think she's the one. But, you need to build the attraction, not force it.
This way is best for both of you. I feel most guys will settle for a girl because she wants a relationship, even though she might not be the girl for him.
Take your time, have fun, date multiple women, its ok.
Let Things Go
Everyone has a past and most women have done things in the past that you may not like. But the past is the past, you should focus more on the present and future.
You have to accept people for who they are, if you really like someone, leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
Don’t Write Desperate Letters
What is it with guys and writing sappy letters or emails when they feel like they are losing the girl or have lost the girl.
If a girl breaks up with you, let it go, move on with your life, start dating again and you will find this will bring back love quicker then a sappy email professing your undying love for the girl. Think before you speak, think before you type!
Know What You Want Out of Life
I don't know what it is, but when your talking about something your passionate about, people are naturally attracted to you.
Passion and desire are always a turn on, even if the passion or desire is about something, not someone.
Constantly apologizing when you have done nothing wrong is a real turn off for women. So don’t be “sorry” for almost everything you do.
If you step on a girls shoe, you can say sorry. But saying sorry when you are 5 minutes late is absolutely NOT necessary.
Women see this as a sign of weakness. If a girl is doing something or saying something you don't like, tell her that. If she's acting bratty, tell her that.
Don't put up with moody behavior just because she thinks you deserve to be treated that way, you don't.
Relax on Your first Date
Act like you would act if you were with your friends. Just because you are with a girl it does not mean you have to try and be what you think she wants you to be. Be your self, that is what she wants you to be.
Dress Well
I know that not caring can be a turn on for women, but you should care what you look like. Because looks do count and when you look good and you know you look good, it shows.
Have you ever been so much in love with someone who wasn't your first girlfriend or boy friend? It all was a story of my life. I fall in love with a woman who never had my interest at heart, i was still loving and having sex with her while she was following as many men as she could, although then i never loved her, it was all about a sex relationship. As time went on i was taking care of her and falling head over heel for her. It affected my relationship with my girlfriend cause i was no longer chanced to talk to my girl friend like i use to, however my girlfriend become very busy as she was always working never had much time herself.
The lady am falling for left her boyfriend due to the fact that he was lying to her, at this point in time i was the only guy left in her life. She managed to love me but this time with a lot of condition, she told me i had to leave my girl friend for her. ( I have been dating my girl friend for more than 5 years). She promised never to have anything to do with me again, or she will get another boy friend as well. I just can't stand her having another boyfriend, because i get really jealous whenever she talks to anyone. This is a girl i have done so much for financially because i was loving her because she was a girl with a big ass exactly my type of woman. Now i have love her beyond her ass, she got upset and now we haven't talked for days not even on the phone. Most people cant even imagine it possible to be torn between two people you really love or are in love with. Individuals who have never been in this plight will say you are been selfish, or the feeling you have is infatuation. But you cant really understand until you there.
Please can someone help me or tell me if am under a spell? She is always on my mind every seconds then and i just can't seems to imagine life without her. What would you do if you were in my shoes? How do i take my heart off this girl have been falling for? She seems to occupy my mind this period than my girlfriend, each time she talks to another man i get really jealous. This is affecting me tremendously, giving me enormous stress. There are a few things to bear in mind which could help in this situation.
What is Important: Ask yourself questions like what are those sacrifices my first girl friend have made for me? Do you love her more than the second lady? If you do then make a choice that will not make you regret in the future. Let your love grow deeper for your girl friend or wife to be than for your sexual partner. Discuss how much you value the time you spend with your girlfriend more . Tell her you need more of her time and Attention.
Draw the line: In this era we live in most people are looking for husband or wife, let every woman or man you meet know you are not looking for a serious relationship (If truly you are not) , just a friend with benefit because a time will come when he or she will tell you i want you to have a baby with me. Always draw the line especially if you live your wife or husband.
Seek Advice from God: Always listen to God instruction to follow only one woman and never mislead another woman, put the woman in your shoes maybe she is getting old and need to settle down, or she needs a baby and want to be married. Let her know from the beginning though some women will never agree to that. Just be wise, think before you talk.
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