How Can I Deal With Sexual Harassment?

A FLIRTATIOUS stare, a "compliment" with sexual overtones, an obscene joke, an overtly sexual touch—such treatment, when unwelcome and repeated, often amounts to what can be called sexual harassment. Although global statistics are hard to come by, surveys indicate that most school-age youths in the United States have experienced it.

Just what is sexual harassment? The book Coping With Sexual Harassment and Gender Bias, by Dr. Victoria Shaw, defines it as "bothering someone in a sexual way . . . It can be physical (such as touching someone in a sexual way), verbal (such as making unwelcome comments about someone's appearance), or nonverbal." Sometimes the harassment involves crude propositions.

Much of the harassment in school probably comes from your peers. However, in some cases the offending behavior has come from adults, such as teachers. An article in Redbook magazine speculates that the relatively small number of teachers who are actually convicted for sexual offenses "probably represents only the tip of the iceberg."

Women—and sometimes men—were subject to such mistreatment even back in Bible times. (Genesis 39:7; Ruth 2:8, 9, 15) And the Bible made this grim prediction: "There will be difficult times in the last days. People will be selfish, greedy, boastful, and conceited; they will be insulting . . . ; they will be unkind, merciless, slanderers, violent, and fierce." (2 Timothy 3:1-3, Today's English Version) So it is possible, even likely, that you will encounter sexual harassment yourself.

God's View

Admittedly, not all youths are distressed by sexually aggressive behavior. Some may find it amusing—or even flattering. One disturbing U.S. survey showed that among victims of sexual harassment, 75 percent admitted that they themselves had harassed others. Some adults may aggravate the problem by downplaying the seriousness of sexually aggressive behavior, brushing it off as just childish experimentation. But how does God view it?

God's Word, the Bible, clearly condemns all forms of sexual harassment. We are told not to "encroach upon the rights" of others by violating sexual boundaries. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) In fact, young men are specifically commanded to treat "younger women as sisters with all chasteness." (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Furthermore, the Bible condemns "obscene jesting." (Ephesians 5:3, 4) Therefore, you have a right to feel angry, upset, confused, and even demeaned when you are harassed!

What Do I Say?

	Letting your Christian beliefs become common knowledge can be a protection

How, then, should you react if someone bothers you in this way? Sometimes a weak or vague response only makes a harasser try harder. The Bible tells us that when Joseph was propositioned by his employer's wife, he did not simply ignore her. Instead, he firmly rejected her immoral advances. (Genesis 39:8, 9, 12) Today, being firm and direct is still the best way to fend off harassment.

True, the one bothering you might not mean to offend you. What looks like harassment may actually be an unpolished attempt to attract your attention. So do not feel that you have to resort to uncouth behavior yourself to halt an unwanted advance. Simply saying something like, 'I don't like that kind of talk' or, 'Keep your hands to yourself, please' may get your point across. However you word it, do not water down your message. Let your no mean no! Young Andrea puts it this way: "If they don't catch on to your kind hints, you have to tell them straight out. It often comes to that." A firm 'Cut it out!' may do the job.

If the situation escalates, do not try to handle things alone. Try talking it over with your parents or other mature adults. They may have some practical suggestions for dealing with the situation. As a last resort, they may even feel it necessary to alert school officials. As uncomfortable as doing so might make you, it could protect you from further victimization.

Preventing Harassment

Of course, it's best to avoid being victimized in the first place. What might help in this regard? Andrea advises: "Never give the impression that maybe you are kind of interested. Others will hear about it, and the pressure will continue." The way you dress can play a major role. Young Mara says: "I don't dress like a grandmother, but I do avoid clothes that attract attention to my body." Rejecting sexual advances while at the same time wearing provocative clothes may be sending a mixed message. The Bible recommends dressing "with modesty and soundness of mind."—1 Timothy 2:9.

By not associating with the wrong crowd, you may prevent harassment

Your choice of friends also affects how you are treated. (Proverbs 13:20) Rosilyn observes: "When some of the girls in a group like the attention from guys, the guys may assume that all the girls in the group feel the same way." Carla made the same point: "If you hang around with ones who give in to the remarks or who enjoy the attention, then you will get harassed too."

The Bible tells of a young girl named Dinah who associated with girls from Canaan—where women were known for their loose behavior. This led to her being sexually assaulted. (Genesis 34:1, 2) With good reason the Bible states: "Keep strict watch that how you walk is not as unwise but as wise persons." (Ephesians 5:15) Yes, being "strict" about how you dress, how you speak, and with whom you associate can do much to protect you from harassment.

For Christian youths, however, one of the most effective ways of fending off harassment is simply to let others know of your religious stand. Young Timon, one of Jehovah's Witnesses, recalls: "The kids knew that I was a Witness, so that stopped almost all the harassment." Andrea observes: "Telling them you are a Witness makes a big difference. They will realize that in many ways you are different from them and that you have strict moral standards."—Matthew 5:15, 16.

If You Are Harassed

Try as you may, you cannot entirely escape rude, abusive people. But if you are the victim of a harasser, there is no reason for you to pummel yourself with guilt—as long as you have behaved like a Christian. (1 Peter 3:16, 17) If the situation distresses you emotionally, find support by talking to your parents or to mature ones in the Christian congregation. Rosilyn admits that it's hard to feel good about yourself when you are being harassed. "Just having companionship," she says, "someone you can talk to, is very good." Remember, too, that "Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him."—Psalm 145:18, 19.

Taking a stand against mistreatment is not easy, but it is worth it. Consider, for example, the Bible account of a young woman from Shunem. Although she was not really harassed as the term is commonly understood today, she did receive unwanted advances from Solomon, the rich and powerful king of Judah. Because she was in love with another man, she resisted those advances. She could therefore say of herself with pride, "I am a wall."—Song of Solomon 8:4, 10.

Show the same moral fiber and determination yourself. Be a "wall" when it comes to unwanted advances. Make your Christian stand clear to everyone around you. By doing so, you can remain "blameless and innocent" and have the confidence that you have pleased God.

Do I Need a Mobile Phone?

"I feel very insecure and irritated if I don't have a mobile phone with me."—Akiko.* MOBILE phones are becoming ever more popular in many lands. They are convenient. Your friends and parents can contact you anytime, anywhere—and you them. Some models allow you to exchange short text messages, which "is the latest way for young people to feed their urge to communicate," says The Times of London. There are even mobile phones that can connect you to cyberspace, providing access to Web sites and E-mail.

You may already have one, or you may be planning to get one. In either case, you might consider the saying: "There are two sides to every coin." A mobile phone may well have some benefits. However, you may want to think about the other side of the coin, for even if you choose to buy one, being fully aware of its potential drawbacks will help you use it wisely. "Calculate the Expense" Jesus stated the wise principle that one should "calculate the expense" before undertaking an important project. (Luke 14:28) Can that principle be applied to mobile phones? Certainly.
Now you may be able to get the phone itself at very little cost, or it may even be free. However, as 17-year-old Henna discovered, "the bill can suddenly get very high." There can also be constant pressure to keep up with additional services and to buy more-expensive models. Thus, Hiroshi says: "I have a part-time job and save money to get a newer model every year." Many youths do the same.# Even if your parents agree to pay the bill for you, it is still important to understand the costs. A traveling Christian minister in Japan notes: "Some mothers are taking on extra part-time work just to pay for their children's mobile phone, which may not be necessary in the first place." You surely would not want to put such a burden on your parents! "A Time Killer" Many who start out using the phone moderately may find it taking up more of their time than they expected—and crowding out more important things.
Mika used to spend a lot of time with her family around the dinner table. "Now," she says, "after we have our meal we go back to our rooms with our own [mobile phones]." "A third of young adults aged between 16 and 20 prefer text messaging over all other means of written communication," says The Guardian of London. Text messaging may cost you less money than voice conversation, but it costs you more time to key in text messages. Mieko admits: "If someone sends 'good night,' I answer 'good night.' Then, messages start flying back and forth for an hour. It is just silly talk." Many mobile-phone users might be quite surprised if they were to stop and add up all the time they spend using their phone in one month. A 19-year-old girl, Teija, admits: "For many people, a mobile phone is a time killer rather than a time saver." Even if your circumstances justify owning one, it is important to be time conscious while using it.

A young Christian girl named Marja observes: "At Christian assemblies many young people keep sending trivial messages to others. It's very common!" Similar behavior has been observed among youths engaging in the Christian ministry. The Bible advises Christians to buy out time for spiritual activities. (Ephesians 5:16) How sad when such precious time is taken up by telephone conversation! Secret Communication Marie comments on another pitfall: "Since the calls come directly to the individual, not to the home, there is a danger of parents not being aware of whom their kids are talking to or even whether they are on the phone or not." Some youths thus use mobile phones to establish secret contact with those of the opposite sex. Some have dropped their guard, bypassing standards they would normally observe when communicating with others. How so? "Text messaging means that no one can monitor what [young people] are doing," says The Daily Telegraph of London.
Not seeing or hearing the other party can affect you. "Some feel that a text message is a more neutral way to communicate," observes Timo. "In a message some may write things that they would consider too bold to say face-to-face." When Keiko, a 17-year-old Christian girl, started using a mobile phone, she let many of her friends know her number.

Soon she started exchanging messages every day with a boy in her congregation. Keiko says: "At first we just talked about everyday things, but then we started sharing our troubles. We created our own little world by means of our mobile phones." Happily, she received help from her parents and the Christian elders before things got too serious. She now admits: "Even though before giving me a mobile phone, my parents had warned me so much about exchanging mail with the opposite sex, I mailed him every day. It wasn't the best way to use the phone."% The Bible admonishes us to "hold a good conscience." (1 Peter 3:16) Doing so means that when you use a mobile phone, you must make sure that, as Koichi says, "you have nothing to be ashamed of," even if someone else should see your messages or overhear you. Always remember that there are no secrets when it comes to our heavenly Father. The Bible explains: "There is not a creation that is not manifest to [God's] sight, but all things are naked and openly exposed to the eyes of him with whom we have an accounting." (Hebrews 4:13) Why, then, try to maintain a secret relationship?
Young woman talking on mobile phoneYoung man talking on mobile phone Some youths carry on secret relationships via the mobile phone Set Limits If you are considering getting a mobile phone, why not first evaluate your situation carefully to see if you really need one? Discuss the matter with your parents. Some feel as did young Jenna, who says: "A mobile phone is too big a responsibility for many young people." Even if you decide to own such a phone, it is important to keep it under control.
How? Set reasonable limits. For example, limit the number of features you use or the amount of time and money you spend on the phone. Since most phone companies provide a detailed report of your usage, you might want to analyze the bill with your parents from time to time. Some find it convenient to use a prepaid type of mobile phone to limit usage.
Also, give careful thought to when and how you respond to calls and messages. Make your own reasonable guidelines. Shinji explains: "I open my mailbox only once a day, and I usually reply to messages only when they are important. As a result, friends have stopped sending junk messages. If there is a really urgent problem, they will call me anyway." More important, be selective as to the people with whom you communicate. Be careful about giving out your phone number. Apply the same standards you always use regarding good association.—1 Corinthians 15:33.
The Bible says: "For everything there is an appointed time, . . . a time to keep quiet and a time to speak." (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) Clearly, there are times for mobile phones "to keep quiet" too. Our Christian meetings and ministry are the "appointed time" for worshiping God, not for using the phone. Restaurant and theater managers often request that their clients refrain from using mobile phones.
We respectfully comply with such requests. Surely the Sovereign of the universe deserves no less respect! If they are not expecting a crucial call, many choose to turn off their phone, or they switch to a silent mode when engaging in essential activities. Some put their mobile phone out of reach. After all, cannot most messages be attended to later? If you decide to own a mobile phone, be determined to control it and not let it control you. Clearly, you need to stay alert and keep your priorities in order. The Bible encourages us: "Let your reasonableness become known to all men." (Philippians 4:5) If you decide to have a mobile phone, by all means resolve to show your reasonableness in the way you use it.

Whats wrong with sex on Phone?

"PHONE SEX," according to one well-known American magazine, "has replaced the love letter as the preferred means of romantic communication for couples who find themselves apart." What is phone sex? It involves talking about or listening to explicit erotic matters on the phone.*

Those engaging in the practice often masturbate to relieve their arousal. Whether the obscene talk takes place between courting couples or between strangers, phone sex is alarmingly popular. In fact, some are openly advocating it. "It's the safest sex you can have," claims one woman. Apparently, quite a few agree with her. For instance, in October 2000, in response to an increase in HIV infections, a group of Russian health experts took out newspaper advertisements to promote telephone sex. Other people, however, are promoting telephone sex strictly for profit. Phone sex services—where people pay to hear obscenities—have become a billion-dollar industry in the United States alone. Just why has this practice become so popular?
The book The Fantasy Factory puts it this way: "Intimate physical and emotional contact is dangerous. There are physical risks of sexually transmitted disease, personal/professional risk of exposure, fear of judgment and the repercussions of 'abnormal' desire. Phone sex subverts the risk." Granted, phone sex doesn't involve physical contact with another person. But does this mean that there is nothing wrong with it or that there are no dangers or risks at all? Is Telephone Sex Harmless? Sexual desire is especially strong during youth. The Bible calls this period when sexual desires are at their peak "the bloom of youth." (1 Corinthians 7:36) During this crucial time in life, a Christian youth should learn to "get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor." (1 Thessalonians 4:4) That is, you must learn how to cope with and control your sexual feelings.
This is crucial to having a healthy, balanced view of sex. Telephone sex, however, teaches one to indulge, rather than control, one's sexual impulses. More than that, it promotes a degrading, distorted view of the opposite sex. The Bible teaches that sexual intimacies should be enjoyed only within the framework of marriage. (Hebrews 13:4) But phone sex encourages young ones to experience sexual pleasures outside marriage. The Bible teaches that real happiness comes from giving—not getting. (Acts 20:35) But phone sex teaches one to use others as a means for selfish gratification. The Bible teaches married couples to develop true intimacy by cultivating mutual love and trust. (Ephesians 5:22, 33)

Telephone sex, however, promotes coldness and anonymity. A Harmful Addiction Ancient Corinth was renowned as a city of immoral vices. With good reason, then, the apostle Paul wrote to Christians there: "I am afraid that somehow, as the serpent seduced Eve by its cunning, your minds might be corrupted away from the sincerity and the chastity that are due the Christ." (2 Corinthians 11:3) Telephone sex is one of the means that Satan the Devil is using to corrupt young ones today. For some youths, calling telephone sex lines has become an uncontrollable addiction. One young man we'll call Jim demonstrates just how "hooked" some can become. Jim saw the number for a telephone sex line on a billboard advertisement. He memorized the number and later called it out of curiosity.
The calls to the line became more and more frequent. Before long, he had racked up a $600 phone bill! Stimulating sexual desires while you are still unmarried runs counter to the counsel of God's Word. It urges: "Deaden, therefore, your body members that are upon the earth as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite."—Colossians 3:5. The Dangers in Courtship What about young adults who are engaged in a serious courtship? Of course, it is only natural for people who are in love to want to express their feelings toward each other. Back in Bible times, one God-fearing young woman said regarding her fiancé: "I am my dear one's, and toward me is his craving." (Song of Solomon 7:10) As the wedding day approaches, it is right and proper that an engaged couple discuss certain intimate matters. However, is phone sex a safe way to express romantic feelings? No. Even engaged couples are obliged to follow the counsel of the apostle Paul: "Let fornication and uncleanness of every sort or greediness not even be mentioned among you, just as it befits holy people; neither shameful conduct nor foolish talking nor obscene jesting, things which are not becoming, but rather the giving of thanks. For you know this, recognizing it for yourselves, that no fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God."—Ephesians 5:3-5; Colossians 3:8.
Young man talking on telephone Courting couples must beware that their talk does not become unclean Young woman talking on telephone Intimate talk that deliberately arouses immoral thoughts or that triggers masturbation is obviously unclean in Jehovah's eyes. And it could lead to even more serious violations of godly principles. One couple, for example, were enjoying a long-distance courtship. At first, they used their frequent telephone conversations as a means of getting to know each other. Before long, however, they began discussing immoral topics. Their conversations became increasingly explicit. It is not surprising, then, that when their circumstances finally allowed them to be together, they quickly fell into unclean behavior. Surely, we who want to please God will do our utmost to avoid falling into the trap of telephone sex. How can we be successful in doing so? 'Pummel Your Body' Telephone sex can become addictive.

We need to 'pummel our body and lead it as a slave' in order to meet Jehovah's approval. (1 Corinthians 9:27) If you are currently engaging in telephone sex, why not get some help? Telling your Christian parents would be a good start. Yes, they may well be upset with you. But they may also be in the best position to help monitor your behavior so that you don't have a relapse. The elders in your local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses will also be willing and able to help out. If you are courting, be determined to remain chaste, even when talking on the phone. An engaged Christian woman named Leticia says: "My fiancé and I have read together Bible-based articles on staying chaste. We appreciate the way they have helped us maintain a clean conscience." Have the courage to change the topic if your talk becomes suggestive. Consult together about the need to keep your conversations clean.
Young man studying the Bible Reading God's Word and Christian publications can strengthen your resolve to remain chaste In some lands, advertisements for telephone sex are featured on television late at night. Perhaps it would be best for you simply to avoid watching late-night TV. Since masturbation will similarly arouse, rather than deaden, immoral thoughts, it is vital that you avoid this unclean practice.# You can successfully expel unclean thoughts from your mind by dwelling on upright things. (Philippians 4:8) Surround yourself with friends who use wholesome speech, and read God's Word and Christian publications daily to fortify your resolve. In this way you will not allow room for immoral fantasies to creep in and corrupt your thinking. Most important, pray to God for help.
The apostle Peter wrote: "Throw all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you."—1 Peter 5:6, 7. "The pressure on young ones to get involved in illicit sex is very great," says a young Christian girl from Brazil. However, Jehovah knows the challenges you face. Be assured that he will give you all the help you need to stay clean in his eyes.

Teen Pregnancy—A Global Tragedy

Mothers Too Soon

My boyfriend was a cute guy. He had money, and we could go places and have fun. When I missed my period, I realized something was wrong. How was I to tell my mom? How could this happen to me? I was only 16 years old, and I didn’t know what to do.”—Mary
TODAY Mary,* in her mid-30’s, is a confident, energetic mother of three. Her oldest child is 20 years of age. Yes, years ago she was one among millions of unmarried pregnant teens. Like other teenage mothers, she found herself lost in a morass of formidable challenges, tough decisions, and uncertain prospects.

Mary does not often talk about the shock, the denial, the fear, the anger, and the despair that marked her late teenage years—a time when her peers worried about their clothes and school grades. Nevertheless, Nicole’s situation was not hopeless. She came from a loving family that had tried to instill high moral principles in her. Although for a while she chose to disregard those principles—and paid the consequences—later on, those same values led her to a productive and meaningful life. “Not all hope is lost” became her motto.
Teen mother envying other young girls

Unfortunately, not every teenage mother has a supportive family—or such an optimistic outlook. Many quickly find themselves trapped in a seemingly hopeless state of poverty. Some must deal with the emotional aftermath of rape and violence.

None of this bodes well for the children of teen mothers. Says the book Teen Moms—The Pain and the Promise, babies of teen mothers “tend to have lower birthweight, more childhood illnesses, more infant mortality, poorer medical care, suffer more from hunger and malnourishment; they are exposed to more violence, and have more delayed development than children born to older mothers.” Indeed, daughters of teen mothers are more likely to become teen moms themselves than are children born to older mothers.

MOST WONDERFUL AMONG WOMEN

The Best woman in the world and in my world Evelyn Shulda

The most beautiful woman in the world,who was annouced missing in heavean as an Angel is EVELYN SHULDA, she is so sweet, a lovely wife, mother and friend. Imagine what the world would be like if we have a beautiful woman like her all over the earth, the earth would have been a perfect planet for all man to live.

The best woman in the world is Evelyn Shulda, she is so beautiful, loving and sweet, she is everything in a woman, if you have to think of it yourself, the way she smiles alone can make the countries that are fighting against each other, be in peace and harmony.

I want you every one in the world to know that if she was to be the first woman on earth the first woman on earth, the whole mankind of earth would have been filled with perfect humans who worshiped God in spirit and truth, she is so loving, to the extend that every one in the world would love to get to know her. She is an Angel in form of a human.

If you want to talk about her qualities, she is loving, forgiving, joyful, wisdom is what is found in her, she is caring, kindness is what God has blessed her with, she is tender, mighty in wisdom and power, she is an Angel from the heavens, I really can't say why she was created among we imperfect humans, but I think it was because God wanted me to meet her and have her as the love of my life, she is so beautiful. It is in the garden of love, home of romance, where nothing grows bu flower of love that I am say I love her so much.

Which you all the best of luck in finding a woman like her, but if you can't just keep on searching, I love her so much and wouldn't want to share her with any body, I have a poem for her.

Im lonely
But at the same time not lonely
The text messages are hard and cold
But that’s all I have
That and the music
You’re so far away
My heart hurts wanting to be with you
I love you
I want you
I need to be with you
I cant said to be away from you
But all I can do is keep loving and hearing your voice, until I meet you soon
I wish I could give you a kiss, I love you, and miss you baby
Is what you send me
I need your kisses
I love you more than anyone on earth
I never missed any one as much as I love and miss you
It hurts not being with you and I can’t take it
In a way im glad you can’t see me like this
But I wouldn’t be like this if you were here
Tears run down my face as I realize how much I love you
I have never loved any as much as I love you
I know you love me to
I can never explain how much I love you
Or how much I need you,
Each time I hear your voice..
I cant help but to swing my body
To the tune of your voice..
‘Coz you are my song…

You are my song
The music playing into my ears
Where the lyrics
Makes a way into my heart
Even approaching my soul

You are my song
Playing softly in my heart
I can feel the nearness of you
Though we are miles apart

You are so near
Through the song in my heart
Binding us together
Sharing today tomorrow and forevermore

Because I know this love is real and I will meet you soon
And I know you and me have a true relationship that will last till the end of time.
I love you baby and need you
For this I just wrote is true and I love you more than words can tell and express. Honey that is why I leave by faith and not by sight.So, either with your presence or absence by my side, no matter for how long; I know you are still the same...one I love and will be loving for the rest of my life. Please my readers forgive me that i sound too self centred about my the love of my heart, i love her so much and will always love her till death do us apart. Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time and effort in reading this Hub.