Sewing Machine
3 Ways you can get your mind off sex?
What you can do
Choose your associates carefully. If your friends and classmates start to talk about immoral sex, joining in will only make it more difficult for you to control your thoughts. Often, you can find a way to leave such conversations without appearing self-righteous and inviting ridicule.
A teenage boy funneling trash into his mind
Would you allow viruses to invade your computer? Then why invite immoral thoughts into your mind?
Shun immoral entertainment. Much of today’s entertainment is designed to arouse improper sexual feelings. The Bible’s counsel? “Let us cleanse ourselves of every defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in God’s fear.” (2 Corinthians 7:1) Steer clear of entertainment that stimulates sexual desires.
Remember this: Sexual feelings aren't evil in themselves. After all, God created man and woman to have a strong attraction for each other, and satisfying sexual desire is proper within marriage. So if you experience intense sexual urges, don’t think that you’re inherently bad or that you’re just not cut out for moral cleanness.
The bottom line: You can choose what you will let your mind dwell on. Both in your thinking and in your conduct, you can be chaste if you choose to!
Strengthen Your Marriage Through Good Communication
Friday, February 7, 2014
A BROTHER in Canada said, “I would rather spend time with my wife than with anyone else.” This brother added that being with his wife makes the happy moments in life happier and the difficult moments easier to endure. A husband in Australia wrote, “In our 11 years together, not one day has passed when I have not spoken with my wife.” He said that good communication has helped them to trust each other completely and to have a strong marriage. A sister in Costa Rica wrote that good communication has helped her and her husband to have a happy marriage. She said, “It has drawn us closer to Jehovah, protected us from temptations, united us as a couple, and made our love grow.”
2 Is there good communication in your marriage? Of course, there will be communication problems sometimes. You are both imperfect, and you have different personalities. (Romans 3:23) You may come from different cultures or you may not have been raised in the same way. So you may have different ways of communicating. For these reasons, marriage researchers John M. Gottman and Nan Silver wrote that couples must be willing to work very hard if they want to communicate well and make their marriage last.
3 A strong marriage takes hard work, but it will make a husband and a wife very happy. (Ecclesiastes 9:9) Think of the loving marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 24:67) The Bible shows that they kept their love for each other strong even after they had been married for a long time. Many couples today have also been able to keep their marriage strong. What has helped them? They have learned to talk about their thoughts and feelings in an honest but kind way. They show the qualities of insight, love, respect, and humility. We will now see how these qualities can help a couple to communicate well.
SHOW INSIGHT
4 Proverbs 16:20 says: “He that is showing insight in a matter will find good.” God’s Word gives us the insight and wisdom we need to have a happy marriage. (Read Proverbs 24:3.) For example, Genesis 2:18 tells us that God made the woman as a complement to the man. This means that a man and a woman are different from each other so that they can complete each other. That is why women communicate in a different way than men. Most women like to talk about their feelings, people, and relationships. Loving and honest communication helps women feel loved. Many men, though, may not like to talk about their feelings but may prefer to talk about activities, problems, and solutions. Men also like to feel respected.
5 A sister in Britain said, “My husband wants to solve problems quickly rather than hear me out.” She explained that this can be frustrating because all she really wants is for him to listen to her and try to understand her feelings. A husband wrote, “When my wife and I were first married, my tendency was to find a quick solution to whatever problem she had.” But he soon learned that all she really wanted was for him to listen to her. (Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19) A husband who shows insight knows his wife’s feelings and treats her in a way that will make her feel loved. He makes it clear to her that her thoughts and feelings are important to him. (1 Peter 3:7) Also, a wife who shows insight tries to understand the way her husband thinks. When both husband and wife do what God expects of them, they can have a happy marriage and can work together to make wise decisions.
6 A couple should also know that there is “a time to keep quiet and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) A sister who has been married for ten years wrote that she has learned when to talk to her husband about certain things. If he is overwhelmed with work or other responsibilities, she waits for a better time to talk to him. As a result, their communication is much better. When a wife speaks in a kind way and “at the right time,” her husband will likely be happy to listen to her.—Read Proverbs 25:11.
7 A Christian husband not only listens to what his wife says but also makes an effort to tell his wife about his own feelings. An elder who has been married for 27 years said: “I have to work at telling my wife what is deep in my heart.” A brother who has been married for 24 years said that he usually does not like to talk about problems. He feels that if he does not talk about them, they will go away. But he added: “I have come to realize that it is not a sign of weakness to show my feelings. When I struggle to express myself, I pray for the right words to say and the right way to say them. Then I take a deep breath and start talking.” It is important for a couple to choose the right time to talk, perhaps when they are alone discussing the daily text or reading the Bible together.
8 It can be hard for a couple to change the way they communicate. Both husband and wife need to pray for God’s spirit and have a strong desire to improve their communication. They will have that desire if they love Jehovah, want to please him, and view their marriage as something sacred. A sister who has been married for 26 years wrote: “My husband and I take Jehovah’s view of marriage seriously, so we do not even consider separation. This makes us work harder to resolve problems by discussing them together.” A couple who are loyal to God in this way will make him happy and have his blessing.—Psalm 127:1.
MAKE YOUR LOVE GROW
9 Love is the most important quality in a marriage. The Bible says that love is “a perfect bond of union.” (Colossians 3:14) True love grows as time passes and as a husband and a wife go through good times and bad times together. They become even closer friends and enjoy being together. They make their marriage stronger, not by doing a few great things for each other, as we see in movies or on television, but by doing many small things for each other. These things could be a hug, a kind comment, a thoughtful act, a warm smile, or a sincere “how was your day?” These little things can make a big difference in a marriage. One couple who have been happily married for 19 years say that they phone or text each other during the day “just to see how things are going.”
10 When a husband and a wife love each other, they try to keep learning about each other. (Philippians 2:4) The more they learn, the stronger their love grows, even though they both have weaknesses. A happy marriage becomes stronger with time. So if you are married, ask yourself: ‘How well do I know my husband or wife? Do I understand his or her feelings and thoughts on matters? Do I often think about the qualities that first attracted me to my husband or wife?’
HAVE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
11 Even the happiest marriages are not perfect marriages. A couple may sometimes disagree. Abraham and Sarah did not always agree with each other. (Genesis 21:9-11) But this did not make their marriage weak. Why not? They treated each other with respect. For example, Abraham said “please” to Sarah. (Genesis 12:11, 13) And Sarah obeyed Abraham and thought of him as her “lord.” (Genesis 18:12) In contrast, a couple who speak harshly to each other show that they do not respect each other. (Proverbs 12:18) And if there is no respect, their marriage is in danger.—Read James 3:7-10, 17, 18.
12 When a couple first get married, they should work especially hard to speak kindly and respectfully to each other. This will make it much easier for them to communicate honestly. One husband explained that during the first years of their marriage, he and his wife did not understand each other’s feelings, habits, and needs. This was sometimes frustrating for them. But they were able to have a good relationship by being reasonable and having a good sense of humor. He says that it was also important to show humility, to have patience, and to trust in Jehovah. This is good advice for all of us!
SHOW TRUE HUMILITY
13 A couple can communicate in a kind and peaceful way only if they are both “humble in mind.” (1 Peter 3:8) One brother who has been married for 11 years said that humility helps a couple solve problems because it moves them to say “I’m sorry.” An elder who has been happily married for 20 years said, “Sometimes the words ‘I’m sorry’ are more important than ‘I love you.’” He explained how prayer helps him and his wife to show humility. He said, “When my wife and I approach Jehovah together, we are reminded of our imperfection and God’s undeserved kindness.” This helps them to have the right view of themselves and of the problem.
14 Pride, on the contrary, makes it very hard for a husband and a wife to communicate and solve problems. A proud person does not have the desire or the courage to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.” He makes excuses for what he did, or he blames the other person instead of admitting his mistake. When a proud person is offended, he does not try to make peace. He speaks harshly or refuses to talk at all. (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Yes, pride can destroy a marriage. It is good to remember that “God opposes the haughty ones, but he gives undeserved kindness to the humble ones.”—James 4:6.
15 When husband and wife disagree, they should work to solve the problem quickly instead of being proud. Paul told Christians: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state, neither allow place for the Devil.” (Ephesians 4:26, 27) What may happen when a couple do not follow this advice from God’s Word? One sister explained: “The result has been some of the worst nights’ sleep I’ve ever had!” It is much better to try to solve the problem immediately and in a peaceful way. Of course, a husband and a wife may need to give each other some time to calm down before speaking about a matter. They should also pray to Jehovah to help them to be humble. This will help each of them, not to think only of his or her own feelings, but to focus on solving the problem.—Read Colossians 3:12, 13.
16 Humility can help a couple to value each other’s good qualities and abilities. For example, a wife may have a special ability that she uses to benefit the family. A humble husband would not feel that he has to be better than his wife at everything but would encourage her to continue using her ability. By doing so, he shows that he loves and values her. (Proverbs 31:10, 28; Ephesians 5:28, 29) Also, a humble wife would not brag about herself or make fun of her husband for not having the same ability. Because the two of them are “one flesh,” showing pride in these ways hurts both of them.—Matthew 19:4, 5.
17 You certainly want to have a marriage like that of Abraham and Sarah or Isaac and Rebekah. You want your marriage to be happy, to be lasting, and to honor Jehovah. So view marriage the same way God does. Look for insight in his Word. Value each other’s good qualities so that your love for each other will grow. (Song of Solomon 8:6) Work hard to show humility. Treat each other with respect. If you do these things, your marriage will bring joy both to you and to your heavenly Father. (Proverbs 27:11) One brother who has been married for 27 years said: “I cannot imagine life without my wife. Our marriage continues to grow stronger every day. This is because of our love for Jehovah and our regular communication with each other.” Your marriage can be just as strong as theirs is!
SOME EXPRESSIONS EXPLAINED
Good communication: There is good communication in a marriage when a husband and a wife speak to each other honestly but kindly about their thoughts and feelings
To show insight: To treat someone in a way that shows that you truly understand how he or she thinks or feels
2 Is there good communication in your marriage? Of course, there will be communication problems sometimes. You are both imperfect, and you have different personalities. (Romans 3:23) You may come from different cultures or you may not have been raised in the same way. So you may have different ways of communicating. For these reasons, marriage researchers John M. Gottman and Nan Silver wrote that couples must be willing to work very hard if they want to communicate well and make their marriage last.
3 A strong marriage takes hard work, but it will make a husband and a wife very happy. (Ecclesiastes 9:9) Think of the loving marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 24:67) The Bible shows that they kept their love for each other strong even after they had been married for a long time. Many couples today have also been able to keep their marriage strong. What has helped them? They have learned to talk about their thoughts and feelings in an honest but kind way. They show the qualities of insight, love, respect, and humility. We will now see how these qualities can help a couple to communicate well.
SHOW INSIGHT
4 Proverbs 16:20 says: “He that is showing insight in a matter will find good.” God’s Word gives us the insight and wisdom we need to have a happy marriage. (Read Proverbs 24:3.) For example, Genesis 2:18 tells us that God made the woman as a complement to the man. This means that a man and a woman are different from each other so that they can complete each other. That is why women communicate in a different way than men. Most women like to talk about their feelings, people, and relationships. Loving and honest communication helps women feel loved. Many men, though, may not like to talk about their feelings but may prefer to talk about activities, problems, and solutions. Men also like to feel respected.
5 A sister in Britain said, “My husband wants to solve problems quickly rather than hear me out.” She explained that this can be frustrating because all she really wants is for him to listen to her and try to understand her feelings. A husband wrote, “When my wife and I were first married, my tendency was to find a quick solution to whatever problem she had.” But he soon learned that all she really wanted was for him to listen to her. (Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19) A husband who shows insight knows his wife’s feelings and treats her in a way that will make her feel loved. He makes it clear to her that her thoughts and feelings are important to him. (1 Peter 3:7) Also, a wife who shows insight tries to understand the way her husband thinks. When both husband and wife do what God expects of them, they can have a happy marriage and can work together to make wise decisions.
6 A couple should also know that there is “a time to keep quiet and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) A sister who has been married for ten years wrote that she has learned when to talk to her husband about certain things. If he is overwhelmed with work or other responsibilities, she waits for a better time to talk to him. As a result, their communication is much better. When a wife speaks in a kind way and “at the right time,” her husband will likely be happy to listen to her.—Read Proverbs 25:11.
7 A Christian husband not only listens to what his wife says but also makes an effort to tell his wife about his own feelings. An elder who has been married for 27 years said: “I have to work at telling my wife what is deep in my heart.” A brother who has been married for 24 years said that he usually does not like to talk about problems. He feels that if he does not talk about them, they will go away. But he added: “I have come to realize that it is not a sign of weakness to show my feelings. When I struggle to express myself, I pray for the right words to say and the right way to say them. Then I take a deep breath and start talking.” It is important for a couple to choose the right time to talk, perhaps when they are alone discussing the daily text or reading the Bible together.
8 It can be hard for a couple to change the way they communicate. Both husband and wife need to pray for God’s spirit and have a strong desire to improve their communication. They will have that desire if they love Jehovah, want to please him, and view their marriage as something sacred. A sister who has been married for 26 years wrote: “My husband and I take Jehovah’s view of marriage seriously, so we do not even consider separation. This makes us work harder to resolve problems by discussing them together.” A couple who are loyal to God in this way will make him happy and have his blessing.—Psalm 127:1.
MAKE YOUR LOVE GROW
9 Love is the most important quality in a marriage. The Bible says that love is “a perfect bond of union.” (Colossians 3:14) True love grows as time passes and as a husband and a wife go through good times and bad times together. They become even closer friends and enjoy being together. They make their marriage stronger, not by doing a few great things for each other, as we see in movies or on television, but by doing many small things for each other. These things could be a hug, a kind comment, a thoughtful act, a warm smile, or a sincere “how was your day?” These little things can make a big difference in a marriage. One couple who have been happily married for 19 years say that they phone or text each other during the day “just to see how things are going.”
10 When a husband and a wife love each other, they try to keep learning about each other. (Philippians 2:4) The more they learn, the stronger their love grows, even though they both have weaknesses. A happy marriage becomes stronger with time. So if you are married, ask yourself: ‘How well do I know my husband or wife? Do I understand his or her feelings and thoughts on matters? Do I often think about the qualities that first attracted me to my husband or wife?’
HAVE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
11 Even the happiest marriages are not perfect marriages. A couple may sometimes disagree. Abraham and Sarah did not always agree with each other. (Genesis 21:9-11) But this did not make their marriage weak. Why not? They treated each other with respect. For example, Abraham said “please” to Sarah. (Genesis 12:11, 13) And Sarah obeyed Abraham and thought of him as her “lord.” (Genesis 18:12) In contrast, a couple who speak harshly to each other show that they do not respect each other. (Proverbs 12:18) And if there is no respect, their marriage is in danger.—Read James 3:7-10, 17, 18.
12 When a couple first get married, they should work especially hard to speak kindly and respectfully to each other. This will make it much easier for them to communicate honestly. One husband explained that during the first years of their marriage, he and his wife did not understand each other’s feelings, habits, and needs. This was sometimes frustrating for them. But they were able to have a good relationship by being reasonable and having a good sense of humor. He says that it was also important to show humility, to have patience, and to trust in Jehovah. This is good advice for all of us!
SHOW TRUE HUMILITY
13 A couple can communicate in a kind and peaceful way only if they are both “humble in mind.” (1 Peter 3:8) One brother who has been married for 11 years said that humility helps a couple solve problems because it moves them to say “I’m sorry.” An elder who has been happily married for 20 years said, “Sometimes the words ‘I’m sorry’ are more important than ‘I love you.’” He explained how prayer helps him and his wife to show humility. He said, “When my wife and I approach Jehovah together, we are reminded of our imperfection and God’s undeserved kindness.” This helps them to have the right view of themselves and of the problem.
14 Pride, on the contrary, makes it very hard for a husband and a wife to communicate and solve problems. A proud person does not have the desire or the courage to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.” He makes excuses for what he did, or he blames the other person instead of admitting his mistake. When a proud person is offended, he does not try to make peace. He speaks harshly or refuses to talk at all. (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Yes, pride can destroy a marriage. It is good to remember that “God opposes the haughty ones, but he gives undeserved kindness to the humble ones.”—James 4:6.
15 When husband and wife disagree, they should work to solve the problem quickly instead of being proud. Paul told Christians: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state, neither allow place for the Devil.” (Ephesians 4:26, 27) What may happen when a couple do not follow this advice from God’s Word? One sister explained: “The result has been some of the worst nights’ sleep I’ve ever had!” It is much better to try to solve the problem immediately and in a peaceful way. Of course, a husband and a wife may need to give each other some time to calm down before speaking about a matter. They should also pray to Jehovah to help them to be humble. This will help each of them, not to think only of his or her own feelings, but to focus on solving the problem.—Read Colossians 3:12, 13.
16 Humility can help a couple to value each other’s good qualities and abilities. For example, a wife may have a special ability that she uses to benefit the family. A humble husband would not feel that he has to be better than his wife at everything but would encourage her to continue using her ability. By doing so, he shows that he loves and values her. (Proverbs 31:10, 28; Ephesians 5:28, 29) Also, a humble wife would not brag about herself or make fun of her husband for not having the same ability. Because the two of them are “one flesh,” showing pride in these ways hurts both of them.—Matthew 19:4, 5.
17 You certainly want to have a marriage like that of Abraham and Sarah or Isaac and Rebekah. You want your marriage to be happy, to be lasting, and to honor Jehovah. So view marriage the same way God does. Look for insight in his Word. Value each other’s good qualities so that your love for each other will grow. (Song of Solomon 8:6) Work hard to show humility. Treat each other with respect. If you do these things, your marriage will bring joy both to you and to your heavenly Father. (Proverbs 27:11) One brother who has been married for 27 years said: “I cannot imagine life without my wife. Our marriage continues to grow stronger every day. This is because of our love for Jehovah and our regular communication with each other.” Your marriage can be just as strong as theirs is!
SOME EXPRESSIONS EXPLAINED
Good communication: There is good communication in a marriage when a husband and a wife speak to each other honestly but kindly about their thoughts and feelings
To show insight: To treat someone in a way that shows that you truly understand how he or she thinks or feels
QUESTIONS THAT CAN IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
Principle: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.”—Ephesians 5:33.
Some questions to ask yourself
▪ What are my mate’s good qualities, and how can I express appreciation for him or her?—Proverbs 14:1; 31:29; 1 Peter 3:1, 6; 4:8.
▪ Do I honor my spouse by seeking to understand his or her thoughts and feelings?—Philippians 2:4.
▪ Am I willing to overlook my spouse’s shortcomings?—Matthew 6:14, 15.
▪ When was the last time I expressed my affection for my spouse?—Song of Solomon 2:9-14.
▪ Toward what spiritual goals are we working?—Matthew 6:33, 34; 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
▪ What initiative can I take to encourage my mate to read the Bible and consider the daily text together with me?
Some questions to ask yourself
▪ What are my mate’s good qualities, and how can I express appreciation for him or her?—Proverbs 14:1; 31:29; 1 Peter 3:1, 6; 4:8.
▪ Do I honor my spouse by seeking to understand his or her thoughts and feelings?—Philippians 2:4.
▪ Am I willing to overlook my spouse’s shortcomings?—Matthew 6:14, 15.
▪ When was the last time I expressed my affection for my spouse?—Song of Solomon 2:9-14.
▪ Toward what spiritual goals are we working?—Matthew 6:33, 34; 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
▪ What initiative can I take to encourage my mate to read the Bible and consider the daily text together with me?
Let Marriage Be Honorable
ARE you married? If so, is your marriage a source of happiness, or are you experiencing serious marital problems? Have you and your spouse drifted apart? Are you enduring married life but not enjoying it? If so, you likely feel sad that the warm marital bond you once enjoyed has cooled. As a Christian, you surely would like your marriage to bring glory to Jehovah, the God you love. Hence, your present circumstances may well be a source of concern and heartache to you. Even so, please do not conclude that your situation is hopeless.
2 Today, there are fine Christian couples who once had marriages that were merely surviving, not thriving. Yet, they found a way to strengthen their relationship. You too can find more contentment in your marriage. How?
DRAWING CLOSER TO GOD AND TO YOUR SPOUSE
3 You and your spouse will draw closer together if you strive to draw closer to God. Why? Consider an illustration: Imagine a cone-shaped mountain—wide at the base and narrow at the top. A man is standing at the foot of the northern slope while a woman is standing on the other side, at the foot of the southern slope. Both begin to climb. When both are still near the mountain base, a long distance separates them. Yet, as each climbs higher and higher toward the narrow summit, the distance between them becomes less and less. Do you see the reassuring lesson in this illustration?
4 The effort you put forth to serve Jehovah to the full could be compared with the effort it takes to climb a mountain. Since you love Jehovah, you are already trying hard to climb, so to speak. However, if you and your spouse have grown apart, you may be climbing opposite sides of that mountain. What happens, though, when you continue to climb? Granted, a considerable distance may separate you at first. Nevertheless, the more effort you put into drawing closer to God—into climbing higher—the closer you and your mate become. Indeed, drawing closer to God is the key to drawing closer to your spouse. But how can you actually do that?
5 One important way to climb, as it were, is for you and your spouse to heed the counsel on marriage as found in God’s Word. (Psalm 25:4; Isaiah 48:17, 18) Consider, therefore, a specific point of counsel stated by the apostle Paul. He said: “Let marriage be honorable among all.” (Hebrews 13:4) What does that mean? The word “honorable” implies that something is esteemed and precious. And that is exactly how Jehovah views marriage—he esteems it as precious.
YOUR MOTIVATION—HEARTFELT LOVE FOR JEHOVAH
6 Of course, as servants of God, you and your spouse already know that marriage is precious, even sacred. Jehovah himself instituted the marriage arrangement. (Matthew 19:4-6) However, if you are currently experiencing marital problems, just knowing that marriage is honorable may not be enough to motivate you and your mate to treat each other with love and respect. What, then, will move you to do so? Note carefully how Paul addressed the subject of showing honor. He did not say, “marriage is honorable”; rather, he said, “let marriage be honorable.” Paul was not merely making an observation; he was giving an exhortation.* Keeping that distinction in mind may help you find added motivation for rekindling esteem for your spouse. Why is that the case?
7 Consider for a moment how you regard other Scriptural commands, such as the commission to make disciples or the admonition to meet together for worship. (Matthew 28:19; Hebrews 10:24, 25) Granted, carrying out those commands may at times be a challenge. The people to whom you preach may respond negatively, or the secular work you do may leave you so exhausted that attending Christian meetings is a struggle. Even so, you keep on preaching the Kingdom message, and you keep on attending Christian meetings. No one can stop you—not even Satan! Why not? Because your heartfelt love for Jehovah moves you to obey his commandments. (1 John 5:3) With what good results? Sharing in the preaching work and attending meetings gives you inner peace and heartfelt joy because you know that you are doing God’s will. And those feelings, in turn, renew your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) What is the lesson here?
8 Just as your deep love for God moves you to obey the commands to preach and to meet together despite obstacles, so your love for Jehovah can move you to obey the Scriptural exhortation to “let [your] marriage be honorable,” even when that appears to be difficult. (Hebrews 13:4; Psalm 18:29; Ecclesiastes 5:4) Additionally, just as your efforts to share in preaching and in meeting together bring rich blessings from God, so your efforts to honor your marriage will be noticed and blessed by Jehovah.—1 Thessalonians 1:3; Hebrews 6:10.
9 How, then, can you make your marriage honorable? You need to avoid behavior that will damage the marital arrangement. In addition, you need to take steps that will strengthen the marital bond.
AVOID SPEECH AND CONDUCT THAT DISHONOR MARRIAGE
10 A Christian wife some time ago noted: “I pray to Jehovah for strength to see me through.” Through what? She explained: “My husband strikes me with words. I may not have visible bruises, but his constant cutting remarks, such as ‘You’re a burden!’ and ‘You’re worthless!’ have scarred my heart.” This wife brings up a matter of grave concern—abusive speech within marriage.
11 How sad it is when spouses in Christian households hurl cruel words at each other, causing emotional wounds that are not easily healed! Obviously, a marriage marked by hurtful speech is not honorable. How is your marriage faring in this regard? One way to find out is by humbly asking your spouse, “What effect do my words have on you?” If your mate feels that time and again your words have caused emotional wounds, you must be willing to change the situation for the better.—Galatians 5:15; Ephesians 4:31.
12 Keep clearly in mind that the way in which you use your tongue within the marriage arrangement affects your relationship with Jehovah. The Bible states: “If any man seems to himself to be a formal worshiper and yet does not bridle his tongue, but goes on deceiving his own heart, this man’s form of worship is futile.” (James 1:26) Your speech cannot be separated from your worship. The Bible does not support the notion that whatever happens at home is of little consequence as long as one claims to be serving God. Please do not deceive yourself. This is a serious matter. (1 Peter 3:7) You may have abilities and zeal, but if you willfully hurt your spouse with cutting words, you dishonor the marriage arrangement and your worship may be viewed by God as futile.
13 Marriage partners also need to be alert not to cause emotional pain in less direct ways. Consider two examples: A single mother frequently phones a married Christian man in the congregation to ask him for advice, and they talk at length; a single Christian brother spends considerable time each week working together in the field service with a married Christian sister. The married individuals in those examples may have proper intentions; yet, how does their conduct affect their respective spouses? A wife facing such a situation said: “To note that my husband gives so much time and attention to another sister in the congregation hurts me. It makes me feel inferior.”
14 It is understandable that this spouse and others who face a similar situation in marriage feel hurt. Their mates ignore God’s basic instruction for marriage: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife.” (Genesis 2:24) Of course, those who marry still respect their parents; however, it is God’s arrangement that their foremost obligation is to their spouse. Similarly, Christians dearly love fellow believers; yet their primary responsibility is to their spouse. Thus, when married Christians spend inappropriate amounts of time with or become overly familiar with fellow believers, especially those of the opposite sex, they put strains on the marriage bond. Could that be a reason for tension in your marriage? Ask yourself, ‘Do I truly give my spouse the time, attention, and affection that rightly belong to my mate?’
15 Moreover, married Christians who give inappropriate attention to those of the opposite sex who are not their mate unwisely tread on dangerous ground. Sad to say, some married Christians have developed romantic feelings for those with whom they have become overly familiar. (Matthew 5:28) In turn, such emotional bonds have led to conduct that dishonors marriage even more. Consider what the apostle Paul stated about this subject.
“THE MARRIAGE BED BE WITHOUT DEFILEMENT”
16 Immediately after Paul gave the exhortation to “let marriage be honorable,” he added the warning: “[Let] the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4) Paul used the term “marriage bed” to refer to sexual relations. Such relations are “without defilement,” or morally clean, if they are experienced solely within the marriage arrangement. Therefore, Christians heed the inspired words: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.”—Proverbs 5:18.
17 Those having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse show gross disrespect for God’s moral laws. True, many today view adultery as fairly acceptable behavior. Yet, whatever other humans may think about adultery should not influence how Christians regard it. They realize that in the end, not man, but “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 10:31; 12:29) Hence, true Christians cling to Jehovah’s view on this subject. (Romans 12:9) Recall that the patriarch Job said: “A covenant I have concluded with my eyes.” (Job 31:1) Yes, to avoid even one step on the road that could lead to adultery, true Christians control their eyes and never look longingly at a person of the opposite sex who is not their mate.—See the Appendix, pages 219-21.
18 In Jehovah’s eyes, how serious is adultery? The Mosaic Law helps us to appreciate Jehovah’s feelings on the matter. In Israel, adultery and idolatry were among the offenses that carried the death penalty. (Leviticus 20:2, 10) Can you see a similarity between the two? Well, an Israelite worshipping an idol broke his covenant with Jehovah. Similarly, an Israelite committing adultery broke his covenant with his spouse. Both acted treacherously. (Exodus 19:5, 6; Deuteronomy 5:9; Malachi 2:14) Hence, both were reprehensible before Jehovah, the faithful and trustworthy God.—Psalm 33:4.
19 Of course, Christians are not under the Mosaic Law. Yet, recalling that in ancient Israel adultery was viewed in a serious light may strengthen Christians in their resolve not to commit such an act. Why? Consider this comparison: Would you ever enter a church, get down on your knees, and pray in front of an image? ‘Never!’ you will say. But would you be tempted to do so if you were offered a large sum of money? ‘Unthinkable!’ you will reply. Indeed, the very thought of betraying Jehovah by worshipping an idol is repulsive to a true Christian. In a similar way, Christians should be repulsed by the thought of betraying their God, Jehovah, as well as their spouse by committing adultery—no matter what the incentive to sin might be. (Psalm 51:1, 4; Colossians 3:5) Never do we want to commit an act that would cause Satan to rejoice but would bring grave dishonor to Jehovah and to the sacred marriage arrangement.
HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE BOND
20 Besides avoiding conduct that dishonors marriage, what steps can you take to rekindle your respect for your marriage mate? To answer, think of the marriage arrangement as being a house. Next, think of the kind words, thoughtful deeds, and other expressions of honor that marriage partners extend to each other as the decorative items that add beauty to a house. If you feel close to each other, your marriage resembles a house adorned with decorations that give it color and warmth. If your affection diminishes, those decorations gradually disappear, leaving your marriage as bleak as a house without any decorations. Since you desire to obey God’s command to “let marriage be honorable,” you would be moved to improve the situation. After all, something precious and honorable is worth repairing, or restoring. How can you do so? God’s Word states: “By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established. And by knowledge will the interior rooms be filled with all precious and pleasant things of value.” (Proverbs 24:3, 4) Consider how these words can be applied to marriage.
21 Among the ‘precious things’ filling a happy household are such qualities as true love, godly fear, and firm faith. (Proverbs 15:16, 17; 1 Peter 1:7) They create a strong marriage. But did you note how the rooms in the above-quoted proverb are filled with precious things? “By knowledge.” Yes, when applied, Bible knowledge has the power to transform people’s thinking and to move them to rekindle their love for each other. (Romans 12:2; Philippians 1:9) Hence, whenever you and your spouse sit down together and calmly consider a Bible passage, such as the daily text, or a Bible-based article in The Watchtower or Awake! pertaining to marriage, it is as if you were examining a lovely decoration that can beautify your house. When love for Jehovah moves you to apply in your marriage the counsel that you just examined, you are, as it were, bringing that decoration into “the interior rooms.” As a result, some of the color and warmth that you once enjoyed in your marriage may return.
22 Granted, it may take considerable time and effort to put those decorations back in place one by one. Yet, if you strive to do your share, you will have the deep satisfaction of knowing that you are obeying the Bible’s command: “In showing honor to one another take the lead.” (Romans 12:10; Psalm 147:11) Above all, your earnest efforts to honor your marriage will keep you in God’s love.
The context shows that Paul’s admonition about marriage is part of a series of exhortations.—Hebrews 13:1-5.
[Study Questions]
1, 2. What question will we consider, and why?
3, 4. Why will marriage mates draw closer together if they strive to draw closer to God? Illustrate.
5. (a) What is one way to draw closer to Jehovah and to one’s marriage mate? (b) How does Jehovah view marriage?
6. What does the context of Paul’s counsel about marriage show, and why is that important to keep in mind?
7. (a) What Scriptural commands do we carry out, and why? (b) What good results come from obedience?
8, 9. (a) What may move us to obey the exhortation to honor marriage, and why? (b) What two points will we now consider?
10, 11. (a) What conduct dishonors marriage? (b) What question should we consider with our mate?
12. How could one’s worship become futile in God’s eyes?
13. How could a marriage mate cause emotional pain?
14. (a) What marital obligation is highlighted at Genesis 2:24? (b) What should we ask ourselves?
15. According to Matthew 5:28, why should married Christians avoid giving inappropriate attention to someone of the opposite sex?
16. What command does Paul give regarding marriage?
17. (a) Why is the world’s view of adultery irrelevant to Christians? (b) How can we follow the example set by Job?
18. (a) In Jehovah’s eyes, how serious is adultery? (b) What similarity is there between adultery and idolatry?
19. What may strengthen one’s resolve to reject adultery, and why?
20. What has happened in some marriages? Illustrate.
21. How can we gradually strengthen our marriage? (See also the box on page 131.)
22. What satisfaction can we have if we strive to do our share in strengthening our marriage?
[Box/Picture on page 131]
2 Today, there are fine Christian couples who once had marriages that were merely surviving, not thriving. Yet, they found a way to strengthen their relationship. You too can find more contentment in your marriage. How?
DRAWING CLOSER TO GOD AND TO YOUR SPOUSE
3 You and your spouse will draw closer together if you strive to draw closer to God. Why? Consider an illustration: Imagine a cone-shaped mountain—wide at the base and narrow at the top. A man is standing at the foot of the northern slope while a woman is standing on the other side, at the foot of the southern slope. Both begin to climb. When both are still near the mountain base, a long distance separates them. Yet, as each climbs higher and higher toward the narrow summit, the distance between them becomes less and less. Do you see the reassuring lesson in this illustration?
4 The effort you put forth to serve Jehovah to the full could be compared with the effort it takes to climb a mountain. Since you love Jehovah, you are already trying hard to climb, so to speak. However, if you and your spouse have grown apart, you may be climbing opposite sides of that mountain. What happens, though, when you continue to climb? Granted, a considerable distance may separate you at first. Nevertheless, the more effort you put into drawing closer to God—into climbing higher—the closer you and your mate become. Indeed, drawing closer to God is the key to drawing closer to your spouse. But how can you actually do that?
5 One important way to climb, as it were, is for you and your spouse to heed the counsel on marriage as found in God’s Word. (Psalm 25:4; Isaiah 48:17, 18) Consider, therefore, a specific point of counsel stated by the apostle Paul. He said: “Let marriage be honorable among all.” (Hebrews 13:4) What does that mean? The word “honorable” implies that something is esteemed and precious. And that is exactly how Jehovah views marriage—he esteems it as precious.
YOUR MOTIVATION—HEARTFELT LOVE FOR JEHOVAH
6 Of course, as servants of God, you and your spouse already know that marriage is precious, even sacred. Jehovah himself instituted the marriage arrangement. (Matthew 19:4-6) However, if you are currently experiencing marital problems, just knowing that marriage is honorable may not be enough to motivate you and your mate to treat each other with love and respect. What, then, will move you to do so? Note carefully how Paul addressed the subject of showing honor. He did not say, “marriage is honorable”; rather, he said, “let marriage be honorable.” Paul was not merely making an observation; he was giving an exhortation.* Keeping that distinction in mind may help you find added motivation for rekindling esteem for your spouse. Why is that the case?
7 Consider for a moment how you regard other Scriptural commands, such as the commission to make disciples or the admonition to meet together for worship. (Matthew 28:19; Hebrews 10:24, 25) Granted, carrying out those commands may at times be a challenge. The people to whom you preach may respond negatively, or the secular work you do may leave you so exhausted that attending Christian meetings is a struggle. Even so, you keep on preaching the Kingdom message, and you keep on attending Christian meetings. No one can stop you—not even Satan! Why not? Because your heartfelt love for Jehovah moves you to obey his commandments. (1 John 5:3) With what good results? Sharing in the preaching work and attending meetings gives you inner peace and heartfelt joy because you know that you are doing God’s will. And those feelings, in turn, renew your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) What is the lesson here?
8 Just as your deep love for God moves you to obey the commands to preach and to meet together despite obstacles, so your love for Jehovah can move you to obey the Scriptural exhortation to “let [your] marriage be honorable,” even when that appears to be difficult. (Hebrews 13:4; Psalm 18:29; Ecclesiastes 5:4) Additionally, just as your efforts to share in preaching and in meeting together bring rich blessings from God, so your efforts to honor your marriage will be noticed and blessed by Jehovah.—1 Thessalonians 1:3; Hebrews 6:10.
9 How, then, can you make your marriage honorable? You need to avoid behavior that will damage the marital arrangement. In addition, you need to take steps that will strengthen the marital bond.
AVOID SPEECH AND CONDUCT THAT DISHONOR MARRIAGE
10 A Christian wife some time ago noted: “I pray to Jehovah for strength to see me through.” Through what? She explained: “My husband strikes me with words. I may not have visible bruises, but his constant cutting remarks, such as ‘You’re a burden!’ and ‘You’re worthless!’ have scarred my heart.” This wife brings up a matter of grave concern—abusive speech within marriage.
11 How sad it is when spouses in Christian households hurl cruel words at each other, causing emotional wounds that are not easily healed! Obviously, a marriage marked by hurtful speech is not honorable. How is your marriage faring in this regard? One way to find out is by humbly asking your spouse, “What effect do my words have on you?” If your mate feels that time and again your words have caused emotional wounds, you must be willing to change the situation for the better.—Galatians 5:15; Ephesians 4:31.
12 Keep clearly in mind that the way in which you use your tongue within the marriage arrangement affects your relationship with Jehovah. The Bible states: “If any man seems to himself to be a formal worshiper and yet does not bridle his tongue, but goes on deceiving his own heart, this man’s form of worship is futile.” (James 1:26) Your speech cannot be separated from your worship. The Bible does not support the notion that whatever happens at home is of little consequence as long as one claims to be serving God. Please do not deceive yourself. This is a serious matter. (1 Peter 3:7) You may have abilities and zeal, but if you willfully hurt your spouse with cutting words, you dishonor the marriage arrangement and your worship may be viewed by God as futile.
13 Marriage partners also need to be alert not to cause emotional pain in less direct ways. Consider two examples: A single mother frequently phones a married Christian man in the congregation to ask him for advice, and they talk at length; a single Christian brother spends considerable time each week working together in the field service with a married Christian sister. The married individuals in those examples may have proper intentions; yet, how does their conduct affect their respective spouses? A wife facing such a situation said: “To note that my husband gives so much time and attention to another sister in the congregation hurts me. It makes me feel inferior.”
14 It is understandable that this spouse and others who face a similar situation in marriage feel hurt. Their mates ignore God’s basic instruction for marriage: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife.” (Genesis 2:24) Of course, those who marry still respect their parents; however, it is God’s arrangement that their foremost obligation is to their spouse. Similarly, Christians dearly love fellow believers; yet their primary responsibility is to their spouse. Thus, when married Christians spend inappropriate amounts of time with or become overly familiar with fellow believers, especially those of the opposite sex, they put strains on the marriage bond. Could that be a reason for tension in your marriage? Ask yourself, ‘Do I truly give my spouse the time, attention, and affection that rightly belong to my mate?’
15 Moreover, married Christians who give inappropriate attention to those of the opposite sex who are not their mate unwisely tread on dangerous ground. Sad to say, some married Christians have developed romantic feelings for those with whom they have become overly familiar. (Matthew 5:28) In turn, such emotional bonds have led to conduct that dishonors marriage even more. Consider what the apostle Paul stated about this subject.
“THE MARRIAGE BED BE WITHOUT DEFILEMENT”
16 Immediately after Paul gave the exhortation to “let marriage be honorable,” he added the warning: “[Let] the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4) Paul used the term “marriage bed” to refer to sexual relations. Such relations are “without defilement,” or morally clean, if they are experienced solely within the marriage arrangement. Therefore, Christians heed the inspired words: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.”—Proverbs 5:18.
17 Those having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse show gross disrespect for God’s moral laws. True, many today view adultery as fairly acceptable behavior. Yet, whatever other humans may think about adultery should not influence how Christians regard it. They realize that in the end, not man, but “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 10:31; 12:29) Hence, true Christians cling to Jehovah’s view on this subject. (Romans 12:9) Recall that the patriarch Job said: “A covenant I have concluded with my eyes.” (Job 31:1) Yes, to avoid even one step on the road that could lead to adultery, true Christians control their eyes and never look longingly at a person of the opposite sex who is not their mate.—See the Appendix, pages 219-21.
18 In Jehovah’s eyes, how serious is adultery? The Mosaic Law helps us to appreciate Jehovah’s feelings on the matter. In Israel, adultery and idolatry were among the offenses that carried the death penalty. (Leviticus 20:2, 10) Can you see a similarity between the two? Well, an Israelite worshipping an idol broke his covenant with Jehovah. Similarly, an Israelite committing adultery broke his covenant with his spouse. Both acted treacherously. (Exodus 19:5, 6; Deuteronomy 5:9; Malachi 2:14) Hence, both were reprehensible before Jehovah, the faithful and trustworthy God.—Psalm 33:4.
19 Of course, Christians are not under the Mosaic Law. Yet, recalling that in ancient Israel adultery was viewed in a serious light may strengthen Christians in their resolve not to commit such an act. Why? Consider this comparison: Would you ever enter a church, get down on your knees, and pray in front of an image? ‘Never!’ you will say. But would you be tempted to do so if you were offered a large sum of money? ‘Unthinkable!’ you will reply. Indeed, the very thought of betraying Jehovah by worshipping an idol is repulsive to a true Christian. In a similar way, Christians should be repulsed by the thought of betraying their God, Jehovah, as well as their spouse by committing adultery—no matter what the incentive to sin might be. (Psalm 51:1, 4; Colossians 3:5) Never do we want to commit an act that would cause Satan to rejoice but would bring grave dishonor to Jehovah and to the sacred marriage arrangement.
HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE BOND
20 Besides avoiding conduct that dishonors marriage, what steps can you take to rekindle your respect for your marriage mate? To answer, think of the marriage arrangement as being a house. Next, think of the kind words, thoughtful deeds, and other expressions of honor that marriage partners extend to each other as the decorative items that add beauty to a house. If you feel close to each other, your marriage resembles a house adorned with decorations that give it color and warmth. If your affection diminishes, those decorations gradually disappear, leaving your marriage as bleak as a house without any decorations. Since you desire to obey God’s command to “let marriage be honorable,” you would be moved to improve the situation. After all, something precious and honorable is worth repairing, or restoring. How can you do so? God’s Word states: “By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established. And by knowledge will the interior rooms be filled with all precious and pleasant things of value.” (Proverbs 24:3, 4) Consider how these words can be applied to marriage.
21 Among the ‘precious things’ filling a happy household are such qualities as true love, godly fear, and firm faith. (Proverbs 15:16, 17; 1 Peter 1:7) They create a strong marriage. But did you note how the rooms in the above-quoted proverb are filled with precious things? “By knowledge.” Yes, when applied, Bible knowledge has the power to transform people’s thinking and to move them to rekindle their love for each other. (Romans 12:2; Philippians 1:9) Hence, whenever you and your spouse sit down together and calmly consider a Bible passage, such as the daily text, or a Bible-based article in The Watchtower or Awake! pertaining to marriage, it is as if you were examining a lovely decoration that can beautify your house. When love for Jehovah moves you to apply in your marriage the counsel that you just examined, you are, as it were, bringing that decoration into “the interior rooms.” As a result, some of the color and warmth that you once enjoyed in your marriage may return.
22 Granted, it may take considerable time and effort to put those decorations back in place one by one. Yet, if you strive to do your share, you will have the deep satisfaction of knowing that you are obeying the Bible’s command: “In showing honor to one another take the lead.” (Romans 12:10; Psalm 147:11) Above all, your earnest efforts to honor your marriage will keep you in God’s love.
The context shows that Paul’s admonition about marriage is part of a series of exhortations.—Hebrews 13:1-5.
[Study Questions]
1, 2. What question will we consider, and why?
3, 4. Why will marriage mates draw closer together if they strive to draw closer to God? Illustrate.
5. (a) What is one way to draw closer to Jehovah and to one’s marriage mate? (b) How does Jehovah view marriage?
6. What does the context of Paul’s counsel about marriage show, and why is that important to keep in mind?
7. (a) What Scriptural commands do we carry out, and why? (b) What good results come from obedience?
8, 9. (a) What may move us to obey the exhortation to honor marriage, and why? (b) What two points will we now consider?
10, 11. (a) What conduct dishonors marriage? (b) What question should we consider with our mate?
12. How could one’s worship become futile in God’s eyes?
13. How could a marriage mate cause emotional pain?
14. (a) What marital obligation is highlighted at Genesis 2:24? (b) What should we ask ourselves?
15. According to Matthew 5:28, why should married Christians avoid giving inappropriate attention to someone of the opposite sex?
16. What command does Paul give regarding marriage?
17. (a) Why is the world’s view of adultery irrelevant to Christians? (b) How can we follow the example set by Job?
18. (a) In Jehovah’s eyes, how serious is adultery? (b) What similarity is there between adultery and idolatry?
19. What may strengthen one’s resolve to reject adultery, and why?
20. What has happened in some marriages? Illustrate.
21. How can we gradually strengthen our marriage? (See also the box on page 131.)
22. What satisfaction can we have if we strive to do our share in strengthening our marriage?
[Box/Picture on page 131]
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