Teen Pregnancy—A Global Tragedy

Mothers Too Soon

My boyfriend was a cute guy. He had money, and we could go places and have fun. When I missed my period, I realized something was wrong. How was I to tell my mom? How could this happen to me? I was only 16 years old, and I didn’t know what to do.”—Mary
TODAY Mary,* in her mid-30’s, is a confident, energetic mother of three. Her oldest child is 20 years of age. Yes, years ago she was one among millions of unmarried pregnant teens. Like other teenage mothers, she found herself lost in a morass of formidable challenges, tough decisions, and uncertain prospects.

Mary does not often talk about the shock, the denial, the fear, the anger, and the despair that marked her late teenage years—a time when her peers worried about their clothes and school grades. Nevertheless, Nicole’s situation was not hopeless. She came from a loving family that had tried to instill high moral principles in her. Although for a while she chose to disregard those principles—and paid the consequences—later on, those same values led her to a productive and meaningful life. “Not all hope is lost” became her motto.
Teen mother envying other young girls

Unfortunately, not every teenage mother has a supportive family—or such an optimistic outlook. Many quickly find themselves trapped in a seemingly hopeless state of poverty. Some must deal with the emotional aftermath of rape and violence.

None of this bodes well for the children of teen mothers. Says the book Teen Moms—The Pain and the Promise, babies of teen mothers “tend to have lower birthweight, more childhood illnesses, more infant mortality, poorer medical care, suffer more from hunger and malnourishment; they are exposed to more violence, and have more delayed development than children born to older mothers.” Indeed, daughters of teen mothers are more likely to become teen moms themselves than are children born to older mothers.

MOST WONDERFUL AMONG WOMEN

The Best woman in the world and in my world Evelyn Shulda

The most beautiful woman in the world,who was annouced missing in heavean as an Angel is EVELYN SHULDA, she is so sweet, a lovely wife, mother and friend. Imagine what the world would be like if we have a beautiful woman like her all over the earth, the earth would have been a perfect planet for all man to live.

The best woman in the world is Evelyn Shulda, she is so beautiful, loving and sweet, she is everything in a woman, if you have to think of it yourself, the way she smiles alone can make the countries that are fighting against each other, be in peace and harmony.

I want you every one in the world to know that if she was to be the first woman on earth the first woman on earth, the whole mankind of earth would have been filled with perfect humans who worshiped God in spirit and truth, she is so loving, to the extend that every one in the world would love to get to know her. She is an Angel in form of a human.

If you want to talk about her qualities, she is loving, forgiving, joyful, wisdom is what is found in her, she is caring, kindness is what God has blessed her with, she is tender, mighty in wisdom and power, she is an Angel from the heavens, I really can't say why she was created among we imperfect humans, but I think it was because God wanted me to meet her and have her as the love of my life, she is so beautiful. It is in the garden of love, home of romance, where nothing grows bu flower of love that I am say I love her so much.

Which you all the best of luck in finding a woman like her, but if you can't just keep on searching, I love her so much and wouldn't want to share her with any body, I have a poem for her.

Im lonely
But at the same time not lonely
The text messages are hard and cold
But that’s all I have
That and the music
You’re so far away
My heart hurts wanting to be with you
I love you
I want you
I need to be with you
I cant said to be away from you
But all I can do is keep loving and hearing your voice, until I meet you soon
I wish I could give you a kiss, I love you, and miss you baby
Is what you send me
I need your kisses
I love you more than anyone on earth
I never missed any one as much as I love and miss you
It hurts not being with you and I can’t take it
In a way im glad you can’t see me like this
But I wouldn’t be like this if you were here
Tears run down my face as I realize how much I love you
I have never loved any as much as I love you
I know you love me to
I can never explain how much I love you
Or how much I need you,
Each time I hear your voice..
I cant help but to swing my body
To the tune of your voice..
‘Coz you are my song…

You are my song
The music playing into my ears
Where the lyrics
Makes a way into my heart
Even approaching my soul

You are my song
Playing softly in my heart
I can feel the nearness of you
Though we are miles apart

You are so near
Through the song in my heart
Binding us together
Sharing today tomorrow and forevermore

Because I know this love is real and I will meet you soon
And I know you and me have a true relationship that will last till the end of time.
I love you baby and need you
For this I just wrote is true and I love you more than words can tell and express. Honey that is why I leave by faith and not by sight.So, either with your presence or absence by my side, no matter for how long; I know you are still the same...one I love and will be loving for the rest of my life. Please my readers forgive me that i sound too self centred about my the love of my heart, i love her so much and will always love her till death do us apart. Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time and effort in reading this Hub.

Increase the Joy of your Wedding Day

“MY WEDDING day was one of the most meaningful and joyful days of my life,” said Gordon, who has been married for almost 60 years. What makes the wedding day so meaningful for true Christians? It is a day when they make a sacred promise to ones they dearly love—their mate and Jehovah God. (Matthew 22:37; Ephesians 5:22-29) Yes, couples planning to marry want to enjoy their wedding day, but they also want to honor the Originator of marriage.—Genesis 2:18-24; Matthew 19:5, 6.

How can a groom enhance the dignity of this happy occasion? What can a bride do to show honor to her husband and to Jehovah? How can others who attend add to the joy of the wedding day? Considering some Bible principles will help to answer those questions, and applying those principles will minimize possible problems that could detract from this special occasion.
Who Is Responsible?

In many lands, a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses may legally officiate at a marriage ceremony. Even in places where the legal step must be performed by a civil agent, a couple may want to have a Bible-based talk. In such a talk, the groom is usually asked to reflect on the God-given role of the family head. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Accordingly, the groom has the prime responsibility for what happens at the wedding. Of course, the arrangements for the wedding ceremony itself and for any gathering that may follow are usually made well in advance. Why may this present challenges?

One reason is that relatives on one side or the other may attempt to exert a dominant influence on wedding plans. Rodolfo, who has performed many weddings, notes: “At times, the groom comes under tremendous pressure from relatives, especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding reception. They may have strong opinions as to what should happen during the wedding ceremony and at the reception. This could undermine the groom’s Scriptural role as the one responsible for the occasion.”

Max, who has been performing wedding ceremonies for more than 35 years, observes: “I have noticed a trend toward the bride taking the lead in deciding what will take place at the wedding and at the reception, with the groom having less to say.” David, who has also officiated at many weddings, comments: “Grooms may not be used to taking the lead and are commonly not sufficiently involved in the wedding preparations.” How can the groom effectively shoulder his responsibility?
Communication Increases Joy

For the groom to carry out his responsibility for wedding preparations successfully, he must communicate effectively. The Bible pointedly says: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk.” (Proverbs 15:22) However, much frustration can be avoided if the groom first discusses wedding preparations with the bride, family members, and others who can give sound Bible-based advice.
A couple planning their wedding

A couple should communicate openly but respectfully while planning their wedding

Yes, it is vital that an engaged couple first discuss with each other the plans and possibilities. Why? Well, listen to some comments from Ivan and his wife, Delwyn, who have been happily married for many years but who came from different cultural backgrounds. Recalling their wedding plans, Ivan says: “I had definite ideas about what I wanted for my wedding, including a reception with all my friends present, a wedding cake, and my bride wearing a white wedding dress. Delwyn, on the other hand, wanted a small, simple wedding with no wedding cake. She even considered wearing something other than a wedding gown.”

How did this couple work out these differences? By kind, honest communication. (Proverbs 12:18) Ivan adds: “We studied Bible-based articles on the subject of weddings, such as those published in The Watchtower of April 15, 1984.* This material helped us to have a spiritual view of the occasion. In view of our different backgrounds, we had to compromise in several areas of personal choice. We met somewhere in the middle.”

Aret and Penny followed a similar course. Regarding their wedding day, Aret says: “Penny and I discussed our different desires for the wedding, and we were able to reach a harmonious agreement. We prayed for Jehovah’s blessing on the day. I also sought the advice of our parents and some other mature married couples in the congregation. Their suggestions were very helpful. As it turned out, our wedding was beautiful.”
Maintaining Dignity in Dress and Grooming

It is understandable that both bride and groom want to be well-dressed for their wedding. (Psalm 45:8-15) They may spend time, effort, and money on appropriate clothing. Which Bible principles can help them to choose what is both dignified and attractive?

Consider what the bride wears for the occasion. While tastes vary from person to person and from country to country, the Bible’s admonition is applicable everywhere. Women are “to adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind.” That applies to Christian women at all times, and it certainly includes the wedding day. The fact is that a joyful wedding does not require “very expensive garb.” (1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3, 4) How satisfying when this advice is applied!

David, mentioned earlier, comments: “Most couples endeavor to follow Bible principles, and they deserve commendation. There have been cases, though, when the gowns of brides and bridesmaids were immodest, being very low-cut or see-through.” In his meeting with the bride and groom beforehand, one mature Christian elder helps them to keep a spiritual perspective. How? By asking them whether the attire they have in mind would be modest enough to wear to a Christian meeting. Granted, the style of clothing might be different from regular meeting attire, and what is worn for the wedding may reflect local custom, but the level of modesty should accord with dignified Christian standards. Even if some in the world might view the Bible’s moral code as restrictive, true Christians are content to resist the world’s attempts to squeeze them into its mold.—Romans 12:2; 1 Peter 4:4.

“Rather than viewing the clothes or the reception as the most important thing,” says Penny, “Aret and I focused on the ceremony, the spiritual part of the occasion. It was the most important part of the day. The special things I remember are, not what I wore or ate, but whom I spent the day with and the happiness I felt at marrying the man I love.” A Christian couple do well to keep such thoughts in mind as they plan their wedding.
The Kingdom Hall—A Dignified Venue

Many Christian couples desire to have their wedding ceremony in a Kingdom Hall if such is available. Why do they prefer this? One couple explained their reasoning: “We realized that marriage is Jehovah’s sacred arrangement. Getting married in the Kingdom Hall, our place of worship, helped impress upon us right from the start that Jehovah needed to be part of our marriage. Another benefit of having the ceremony in the Kingdom Hall instead of at another location was that it showed our nonbelieving relatives who attended how important worship of Jehovah is for us.”

If the congregation elders responsible for the Kingdom Hall give permission for the wedding to be held there, the couple should advise them in advance of preparations that are being considered. One way the bride and groom can show due respect for those invited to the wedding is by being firmly resolved to arrive at the scheduled time for the wedding. And they will certainly want to be sure that everything is done in a dignified manner.# (1 Corinthians 14:40) They will thus avoid the outrageous displays that mark many worldly weddings.—1 John 2:15, 16.

Those who attend the wedding can also show that they have Jehovah’s view of marriage. For example, they would not expect the wedding to outdo other Christian weddings, as if there were some competition as to whose wedding was more elaborate. Mature Christians also realize that being at the Kingdom Hall for the Bible-based talk is more important and beneficial than being at a wedding feast or a gathering that might follow. If time or circumstances will permit a Christian to be present for only one of the two, being at the Kingdom Hall would certainly be preferable. An elder named William says: “If guests are needlessly absent from the Kingdom Hall but are present at the reception later, this shows a lack of appreciation for the sacredness of the occasion. Even if we are not invited to the reception, we can show our support for the bride and groom and give an excellent witness to nonbelieving relatives at the wedding by attending the ceremony at the Kingdom Hall.”
Joy That Lasts Beyond the Wedding Day

The commercial world has turned the wedding celebration into a huge industry. According to one recent report, the average wedding in the United States “costs $22,000, or half the average [annual] income of an American household.” Influenced by commercial propaganda, many newlyweds or their families incur for that one day a burdensome debt that they carry for years. Is such a course a prudent way to start one’s marriage? Those who do not know or do not care about Bible principles may opt for such extravagance, but how different it is among true Christians!

By limiting the size of their wedding to what is reasonable and affordable and by focusing on the spiritual aspect of the event, many Christian couples have been able to use their time and assets in line with their dedication to God. (Matthew 6:33) Consider the example of Lloyd and Alexandra, who have continued in the full-time ministry for 17 years since their marriage. Lloyd comments: “Some may have viewed our wedding as a rather simple event, but Alexandra and I were very pleased. We felt that our wedding day should be, not a financial burden to overcome, but a celebration of Jehovah’s arrangement to bring great happiness to two people.”

Alexandra adds: “I was in the pioneer ministry before we were married, and I did not want to give up this privilege just to have an extravagant wedding. Our wedding day was very special. However, it was only the first day of the rest of our lives together. We applied the advice to avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married and have sought Jehovah’s guidance in our life of being married. This has definitely brought us Jehovah’s blessing.”%
A couple getting married

Keep the spiritual significance of your wedding day uppermost in mind

Yes, your wedding day is a special occasion. The attitudes and actions evident on that day can set a pattern for your married life for years to come. Therefore, rely on Jehovah for guidance. (Proverbs 3:5, 6) Keep the spiritual significance of the day uppermost in mind. Support each other in your God-assigned roles. You can thus lay a solid foundation for your marriage, and with Jehovah’s blessing, you will have joy that lasts well beyond your wedding day.—Proverbs 18:22.

Why Is Pornography So Widespread?

LASCIVIOUS material designed to arouse sexual feelings dates back thousands of years. But during much of its history, pornography was difficult to produce and was therefore available primarily to the rich and the ruling classes. Mass printing and the invention of photography and moving pictures changed all that. Pornography became affordable and available to the less affluent.

The development of the videocassette recorder escalated this trend. Unlike cinema reels and old photographs, videocassettes were easy to store, copy, and distribute. They also allowed for private viewing at home. Recently, the proliferation of cable systems and the Internet has made pornography even more readily available. The consumer who is afraid that his neighbor will see him in the adult section of a video store can now "stay at home and order by pushing a button on his cable system, or his direct TV," says media analyst Dennis McAlpine. Easy access to this kind of programming has, according to McAlpine, contributed to "a lot more acceptability."
Pornography Becomes Mainstream

Many are ambivalent toward pornography because it has now entered the mainstream. "It is already a vastly bigger cultural presence than all our opera, ballet, theatre, music and fine art put together," says writer Germaine Greer. Modern attitudes toward pornography may be reflected by the 'prostitute-chic' fashions many celebrities sport, the music videos that increasingly flaunt sexual imagery, and the advertising media's adoption of a "porno aesthetic." McAlpine concludes: "Society is accepting what is being spoon-fed to it. . . . That's helping create the idea that all of this is good." As a result, "people don't seem to have a sense of outrage," laments author Andrea Dworkin. "They don't seem to care."
Computer, videocassette, DVD, television

Pornography has become more accessible
Pornography's Rationale

Echoing author Dworkin's comments, retired FBI agent Roger Young points out that many people "just don't see the big picture of obscenity and the problems that it causes." Some are swayed by those who defend pornography, claiming that there is no proof that pornographic images have a negative effect on people. "Pornography is fantasy after all," writes author F. M. Christensen, "a fact that its opponents seem to have difficulty keeping in focus." But if fantasy has no power, then upon what is the advertising industry based? Why would corporations spend millions of dollars producing commercials, videos, and printed ads if they have no lasting impact on people?

The fact is that like all successful advertising, pornography's main purpose is to create appetites where none existed before. "Pornography is about profits, pure and simple," write researchers Steven Hill and Nina Silver. "And in this marketplace gone amok, anything is considered an exploitable and expendable resource, particularly women's bodies and human sexual relations." Greer compares pornography to highly addictive fast food, devoid of nutrition and laced with taste-enhancing additives and chemicals. "Commercial fast sex," she says, "is fake sex . . . Food advertising sells fantasy food and sex advertising sells fantasy sex."

Some doctors claim that pornography can spark an addiction that is far more difficult to overcome than drug addiction. Treatment for drug addicts usually starts with detoxification to remove the substance from the body. But addiction to pornography, explains Dr. Mary Anne Layden of the University of Pennsylvania, "produces mental imagery which is permanently implanted in the mind of the user and is scaled in by brain chemistry." That is why individuals can vividly recall pornographic images from years past. She concludes: "This is the first addictive substance for which there is no hope for detoxification." But does that mean it is impossible to break free from pornography's influence? And what specific harm does pornography cause?



Internet Pornography Facts

* About 75 percent of Internet pornography originates in the United States. Close to 15 percent originates in Europe.
* It is estimated that some 70 million people a week visit pornographic Web sites. About 20 million of these users are in Canada and the United States.
* A study revealed that during a recent one-month period, Germany had the largest audience for on-line pornography in Europe, followed by Great Britain, France, Italy, and Spain.
* In Germany, Internet pornography users spend an average of 70 minutes each month viewing pornographic sites.
* Among European viewers of Internet pornography, those above 50 years of age spend the most time connected to adult Web sites.
* According to one source, 70 percent of Internet pornography traffic occurs during the day.
* It is estimated by some that 100,000 Internet sites include material on child pornography.
* About 80 percent of the Internet's commercial child pornography originates in Japan.

PORNOGRAPHY Harmless or Harmful?

It creates appetites that should not exist, it stimulates cravings that should never be satisfied."—Tony Parsons, columnist.

JOHN never intended to become addicted to 'Internet sex. Like many other people who are accidentally exposed to pornography and sex chat rooms, he was using the Internet one day when he stumbled upon a site offering such chat rooms. Soon, he was completely absorbed in cybersex. "I would wait for my wife to go to work," he remembers, "hop out of bed and spend hours in front of the computer." During marathon sessions, he would not even stop to eat or drink. "I had no awareness of [being] hungry," he says. He began to lie to his wife about his secret activities. It started to affect his concentration at work, and he became more and more paranoid. His marriage began to suffer, and when he finally arranged to meet one of his cybersex partners in real life, his wife became aware of it. Today John is being treated for his addiction.

Antipornography activists point to stories like this as proof of the degrading effects of pornography. It destroys relationships, they claim, demeans women, abuses children, and engenders a perverted and harmful view of sex. On the other hand, supporters defend pornography as free expression and view the detractors as prudish. "People should not be ashamed of their sexual orientation or desires," writes one proponent. "Pornography can be used to start and stimulate open discussions about sex." A few even suggest that the proliferation of pornography is the hallmark of an open, healthy society. "A society mature enough to cope with the explicit depiction of sex between consenting adults is likely to be one comfortable with sexual diversity and women's equality," says writer Brian McNair.

Does society's ambivalence make pornography acceptable? Why is it so widespread? Is pornography really a dangerous pursuit? The Next Article will consider these questions.

Keys to Family Happiness

He says: “After we were married, Sarah* and I lived with my family at my parents’ house. One day, my brother’s girlfriend asked me for a ride home in our car. I obliged and took my young son along. But when I returned home, Sarah was furious. We started arguing, and right in front of my family, she called me a womanizer. I lost my temper and started saying things that irritated her even more.”

She says: “Our son has a serious health problem, and at the time, we had financial trouble. So when Fernando left in the car with his brother’s girlfriend and our son, I was upset for several reasons. When he came home, I let him know how I felt. We had a huge argument and called each other names. I felt terrible afterward.”

IF A couple argue, does this mean that they no longer love each other? No! Fernando and Sarah, quoted above, love each other dearly. Yet, even in the best of marriages, there will occasionally be some conflict.

Why do conflicts arise, and what can you do to prevent them from ruining your marriage? Since marriage is an arrangement designed by God, it makes sense to examine what his Word, the Bible, has to say on this subject.—Genesis 2:21, 22; 2 Timothy 3:16, 17.
Understanding the Challenges

Most married couples want to treat each other in a loving and kind manner. However, the Bible realistically notes that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So when disagreements arise, emotions may be difficult to control. And if an argument starts, some may find it a real struggle to resist bad habits, such as screaming and abusive speech. (Romans 7:21; Ephesians 4:31) What other factors might cause tension?

A husband and a wife often have different communication styles. “When we were first married,” says Michiko, “I discovered that we had very different attitudes about discussing matters. I like to talk about not only what happened but also why and how it happened. My husband seems to be interested in just the end result.”

Michiko’s dilemma is not unique. In many marriages, one partner may want to discuss a disagreement at length, while the other dislikes confrontation and wants to avoid the subject. Sometimes, the more one partner pursues the matter, the more the other tries to avoid it. Have you noticed this pattern emerging in your marriage? Does one of you always seem to play the part of the discusser, and the other, the part of the avoider?

Another factor to consider is that an individual’s family background may influence his or her perception of how married couples should communicate. Justin, who has been married for five years, says: “I come from a quiet family and find it difficult to talk openly about my feelings. This frustrates my wife. Her family is very expressive, and she has no problem letting me know how she feels.”
Why Work to Resolve Problems?

Researchers have found that the most reliable indicator of how happy a marriage will be is not how often the couple say that they love each other. Sexual compatibility and financial security are not the most important factors either. Instead, the most dependable indicator of marital success is how well husband and wife manage any conflicts that arise.

In addition, Jesus said that when a couple marry, it is not man but God who yokes them together. (Matthew 19:4-6) Therefore, a good marriage honors God. On the other hand, if a husband fails to show love and consideration for his wife, Jehovah God may ignore the man’s prayers. (1 Peter 3:7) If a wife does not respect her husband, she is really disrespecting Jehovah, who appointed the husband as head of the family.—1 Corinthians 11:3.
Keys to Success—Avoid Damaging Patterns of Speech

No matter what your communication style or family background, there are some damaging patterns of speech that must be avoided if you are to apply Bible principles and manage conflicts effectively. Ask yourself the following questions:

‘Do I resist the urge to retaliate?’ “The squeezing of the nose is what brings forth blood, and the squeezing out of anger is what brings forth quarreling,” states a wise proverb. (Proverbs 30:33) What does that mean? Consider this example. What starts out as a difference over how to balance the family budget (“we need to control credit-card spending”) may quickly mutate into an attack on each other’s character (“you are so irresponsible”). True, if your mate ‘squeezes your nose’ by launching into an attack on your character, you may feel the urge to ‘squeeze’ right back. However, retaliation only leads to anger and an escalation of the disagreement.

The Bible writer James warned: “Look! How little a fire it takes to set so great a woodland on fire! Well, the tongue is a fire.” (James 3:5, 6) When marriage mates fail to control their tongue, small disagreements can quickly flare into raging conflicts. And marriages that are repeatedly ravaged by such emotional firestorms do not provide an environment in which love can grow.

Instead of retaliating, can you imitate Jesus, who when being reviled “did not go reviling in return”? (1 Peter 2:23) The quickest way to take the heat out of a quarrel is to acknowledge your mate’s viewpoint and to apologize for your part in the conflict.

TRY THIS: The next time a dispute arises, ask yourself: ‘What would it cost me to acknowledge my mate’s concerns? What have I done that contributed to this problem? What prevents me from apologizing for my mistakes?’

‘Do I minimize or belittle my spouse’s feelings?’ “All of you be like-minded, showing fellow feeling,” commands God’s Word. (1 Peter 3:8) Consider two of the reasons why you might fail to apply this advice. One is that you may lack insight into the mind, or the feelings, of your mate. For example, if your spouse is more distraught over some issue than you are, you might tend to say, “You’re just overreacting.” Your intention may be to help your mate see the problem in perspective. However, few people are comforted by such comments. Both wives and husbands need to know that the people whom they love understand and empathize with them.

Having undue pride might also prompt a person to belittle a mate’s feelings. A proud individual attempts to elevate himself by constantly putting others down. He might do so by means of name-calling or negative comparisons. Consider the example of the Pharisees and scribes of Jesus’ day. When anyone—even a fellow Pharisee—expressed an opinion that differed from that of these proud individuals, they resorted to name-calling and derogatory remarks. (John 7:45-52) Jesus was different. He empathized with others when they expressed themselves to him.—Matthew 20:29-34; Mark 5:25-34.

Think about how you react when your mate expresses his or her concerns. Do your words, tone of voice, and facial expressions convey empathy? Or do you tend quickly to dismiss your mate’s feelings?

TRY THIS: Over the coming weeks, notice how you speak to your spouse. If you are dismissive or say something demeaning, apologize immediately.

‘Do I often assume that my partner’s motives are selfish?’ “Is it for nothing that Job has feared God? Have not you yourself put up a hedge about him and about his house and about everything that he has all around?” (Job 1:9, 10) With those words, Satan called into question the motives of the faithful man Job.

If marriage mates are not careful, they may fall into a similar pattern. For example, if your mate does something nice for you, do you wonder what he or she wants or is covering up? If your mate makes a mistake, do you view this failing as confirmation that he or she is selfish and uncaring? Do you immediately recall similar mistakes from the past and add this one to the list?

TRY THIS: Make a list of the positive things that your mate has done for you and the good motives that could have prompted these actions.

The apostle Paul wrote: “Love . . . does not keep account of the injury.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) Real love is not blind. But neither does it keep score. Paul also stated that love “believes all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7) Not that this kind of love is gullible, but it is open to trust. It is not cynical, suspicious. The type of love that the Bible encourages is ready to forgive and is willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. (Psalm 86:5; Ephesians 4:32) When mates display this kind of love for each other, they will enjoy a happy marriage.

How Can I Cope When Tragedy Strikes?

Why did the terrorists have to kill my mom?"—Kevin.*

"[Before September 11], I used to love tunnels. Now I imagine dying in a tunnel because of its being blown up."—Peter.


Related topics:

* Does God Really Care About Us?
* Mankind's Problems Soon to End!



KEVIN'S mother was killed in the September 11, 2001, attack on the World Trade Center in New York City. Peter did not suffer a similar terrible loss, but he was still greatly affected by the events.

One news report says: "Thousands of children living in New York are struggling with mental problems related to [the attacks on] September 11 that in many cases will last into adulthood." Alarmingly, signs of emotional trauma were "just as prevalent in children who were nowhere near ground zero as in those who had witnessed the attacks first hand."#

The same might be said regarding other tragedies, such as suicide bombings in Israel and random shootings elsewhere. Regarding such shootings one expert on the effects of trauma said: "Even if [the children] live 2,000 miles away, these events can still increase [their] anxiety."

The reason? When disastrous events take place, young ones are exposed to a flood of graphic media coverage. Frightening images of terrorist bombings, school shootings, and natural disasters are repeated over and over again, making it difficult for many youths to erase the pictures from their minds. Little wonder that a survey conducted for the New York City Board of Education revealed: "Six months after the World Trade Center collapse, 76 percent of 8,266 public school students still thought frequently about the terrorist attacks."

We live in what the Bible calls "terrible times." (2 Timothy 3:1-5, New International Version) How can you cope when terrifying tragedies occur?%

Why Bad Things Happen


One way of dealing with emotions that seem to overwhelm you is to arouse your "clear thinking faculties." (2 Peter 3:1) Try to look at things from a rational, godly point of view. For example, you may need to remind yourself that many tragedies are simply the result of "time and unforeseen occurrence." (Ecclesiastes 9:11) Jesus Christ gave an example of this when he spoke of the collapse of a tower in Siloam. Eighteen people were killed in that local disaster. However, Jesus made it clear that the victims were not being punished by God. They died simply because they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Luke 13:1-5) Meditating on this fact may help you to put disasters in perspective.

Clear thinking can also prevent you from becoming "enraged against Jehovah himself" and blaming him for the sad events. (Proverbs 19:3) Far from causing our misery, Jehovah is "the God of all comfort." (2 Corinthians 1:3) When tragedies occur, we need to draw close to him—not pull away in anger. Meditate on the Bible's words at James 1:13: "When under trial, let no one say: 'I am being tried by God.' For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone."^

A tragic event that occurred centuries ago in the Middle East may serve to illustrate this point. The Bible tells us that the sole survivor of that catastrophe reported: "The very fire of God fell from the heavens and went blazing among the sheep and the attendants and eating them up." (Job 1:16) What a horrible calamity! And this terrified man obviously thought that God was responsible for it. Yet, God was not. Job 1:7-12 reveals that the fire was sent, not by God, but by God's Adversary—Satan the Devil!

That was a unique situation: Jehovah had given Satan special permission to test Job's integrity. So don't conclude that Satan is directly responsible for natural disasters such as storms and floods.** Even so, the Bible does say that "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." (1 John 5:19) Hence, he can use human agents to wreak havoc and destruction.

Still, we do not need to feel helpless. Consider another incident, recorded in the Bible at 1 Samuel 22:12-23. There we learn of the vicious massacre of a group of faithful priests and their families. No doubt Satan had some role in spurring wicked King Saul on to commit this brutal act. However, faithful David, who later became king himself, wrote Psalm 52, in which he expressed confidence that God would annihilate the wicked men responsible for the calamity.—Psalm 52:5.

Similarly today, you can be sure that God will not forever tolerate Devil-inspired acts of murder and violence. Why, the Bible promises that God will soon use his Son, Jesus, to "break up the works of the Devil"! (1 John 3:8) Eventually, there will be no traces left of the damage Satan has done. By means of a resurrection, God can even restore to life individuals who have died in tragic acts of violence or terrorism.—Acts 24:15.

Practical Ways to Cope


This Bible-based hope can help you to avoid being overwhelmed by fear. But there are also some practical steps you can take. For example, note the Bible principle at Proverbs 12:25. Only by sharing your feelings with others can you receive the "good word" of encouragement. Doing so will also help you to realize that you are not going through your ordeal alone. So if you are feeling distressed, try opening up to your parents or to a mature member of the Christian congregation.##

Another suggestion: Don't overdose on graphic media coverage of tragic events. Doing so only makes it harder to erase troubling images from your mind.—Psalm 119:37.

Are you a Christian? Then stick with your routine of Christian activities. (Philippians 3:16) Such activities include attending meetings with fellow Christians and sharing your faith with others. (Hebrews 10:23-25) That will help to keep you from dwelling on negative thoughts. Isolating yourself would only damage you—emotionally and spiritually.—Proverbs 18:1.

Continuing to read the Bible daily can be particularly helpful in any stressful situation. The mother of a youth named Loraine was dying of cancer. Note how Loraine coped with this tragic situation: "I remember reading the book of Job several times during the ordeal. The book of Psalms also provided me with much comfort. As I read the comforting words from the Scriptures, I felt as if Jehovah were embracing me." Her sister Mishael likewise recalls: "If there was a day I skipped reading the Bible, I felt it. My mind would automatically go back to thinking negative thoughts. Reading the Bible gave me the spiritual nourishment I needed to get through each day."

If you have suffered loss—especially the death of a loved one—reading the brochure When Someone You Love Dies%% can be very comforting. Take the time to read and meditate on all the cited scriptures. Meditate, too, on the hope of the resurrection. "I would literally envision my mother coming back in the resurrection," says Loraine. "I would imagine hearing her say: 'I'm back. Now what did you cook for dinner?' That would make me smile."

Leaning on Jehovah in prayer can also give you the strength that you need to endure the worst of tragedies. Loraine recalls: "I was in the room when my mother took her last breath. I immediately asked Jehovah to give me the strength to endure and to get through this. I immediately felt the peace of God." Be specific in your prayers to Jehovah. Let him know exactly how you feel. "Before him pour out your heart," urges the psalmist.—Psalm 62:8.

As time passes, distress on earth will likely increase. (2 Timothy 3:13) Still, the Bible promises: "Evildoers themselves will be cut off . . . But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." (Psalm 37:9-11, 29) Clinging to this hope will help you to cope successfully when tragedies occur.