Ten Ways To Choose Between Two Girl Friends.

Monday, March 30, 2015

When you are seeing two girl friends at the same time, you are left with no choice but to be confused over the one you should choose,  especially in a situation where the both of them want something serious with you. The tips below will help you make the right decision.

  1. Consider your decision carefully, make sure you don't rush to your decision.
  2. Pick the one you feel more comfortable around.
  3. Be ready to live with your decision, if you choose one, you probably will never get the chance to go out with the other if you chose wrong. Think long and hard.
  4. Don't choose both girls. You will become entangled.
  5. If you aren't satisfied with the steps above, pick whichever girl you have the most in common with.
  6. Let the other girl down easy. Talk to her and explain the predicament. The worst thing you can do is ignore her or bottle the feelings.
  7. If you've chosen already and believe you have chosen wrongly, go back and fix your mistakes. It'll take some time and some bonding, but you'll be better for it.
  8. Not all girls are the same, some may fall for stupid silly tricks, some may not.
  9. When you go to sleep, think of them and try to remember them smiling. Choose the one you were thinking of before you fell asleep. If you cant remember just try again.
  10. You should choose the girl that will make you feel better in the long run.


Six Ways To End An Affair

Saturday, March 28, 2015

When one partner cheats on another, it can be very difficult to move forward with either the old relationship or the affair. In many cases, ending the affair is a delicate process that requires a great deal of emotional strength and care. Whether you committed the affair and want to move on, or your partner cheated, learning how to end the affair and start the process of moving on is possible with the right guidance.

1. Assess both relationships privately. If you've been seeing someone on the side, you might be experiencing a great deal of confusion and grief over the process that awaits. It's likely that a degree of trust has been broken with your committed partner, while you also need to take the other party's feelings into account. Every relationship will be different, and it's important to evaluate both separately before planning a course of action.
Consider whether or not you should talk to your committed partner, or the new partner first. Does your affair know that you're in a committed relationship? If you made promises that you'd end your marriage for your new partner, or that you were committed to both people, you need to take special care to let the affair partner down easy.
Under no circumstances should you bring all parties together and try to hash it out as a group. Even if one or the other partner wants to make this happen, it's a situation that's best avoided

2. Decide whether or not you want to stay with your committed partner. If you're settled on ending a relationship with the person you had an affair with, you also need to decide whether or not you want to stay with your committed partner, and how you choose to address the affair together.[2]
If you want to stay together, you need to decide how much of the affair you want to reveal to your partner. If you're feeling extremely guilty and think coming clean would assuage that guilt, then do so as soon as possible. If you feel confident that it will never happen again, consider working on your relationship without revealing the affair.
Why did you feel the need to start a new relationship? Was this a momentary lapse of commitment, or are you dissatisfied in your relationship? Would you be happier to break it off permanently? It's not just up to your partner to decide whether or not to "take you back."

3. End your affair the same way you end traditional relationships. Just because affairs might be somewhat outside the purview of traditional relationships doesn't mean you don't owe your affair partner the same courtesy and respect as a more formal relationship. If you choose to end it, do so respectfully, honestly, and in person.
If your affair partner knows that you're in a committed relationship, it can be heartbreaking to have not "been chosen," even if that's not the way you're looking at the relationship. If you want to end a relationship with a person you committed an affair with, discuss it in terms of what doesn't work about that relationship, not in terms of your other marriage or committed relationship.

4. Don't leave the door open. Don't look for an easy way out of a relationship by leaving the door open with the possibility of getting back together. Don't try and suggest that you "might get together" if your marriage doesn't work out or that you'll "see what happens." If a relationship is over and it's worth ending, end it for good.[3]
If you're only ending an affair because you got caught, give serious thought to the health of your committed relationship. If you're sneaking around cheating guilt-free because you're dissatisfied, it might be better to end both relationships.

5. Get screened for sexually transmitted diseases. If you were sexually active with two different partners at the same time, it's very important that you get screened for sexually transmitted infections as soon as possible. For the safety of yourself and both partners, get tested.
If you didn't practice safe sex during an affair, it's important that you tell your committed partner. Even if you're not experiencing symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases, it's still possible to pass STDs on to your partner. You owe it to your partner to come clean for the sake of their health.


6. Eliminate online photos and correspondence. Even if you're going to come clean, make sure that your partner doesn't accidentally come across racy photos, emails, or other social networking correspondence between you and the person involved in the affair. If you're going to work on reforging your relationship, these can be unnecessary little road-bumps that will keep that from happening.


What’s So Bad About Sneaking Out?

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

“We’d sneak out at midnight and go to the coffee shop to be with some guys. Then we started hanging out at the hill. The kids all smoked, although I never did. We’d sit around and talk about whatever, listening to heavy metal music. Then we’d go home at 5:00 a.m. before my parents woke up.”—Lux.*

“When my dad left for work and my mom was asleep, I’d sneak out the front door. I’d leave it open so that she couldn’t hear me close it—it was a metal door. I’d hang out with my friends all night. Then in the morning when the sun came up, I’d try to sneak back in. Sometimes she discovered I was gone and would lock me out.”—Joe.

SNEAKING OUT—it sounds exciting and fun. It’s a chance to experience life on your own for a few hours, a chance to do what you want and be with whom you want without answering to anyone. Besides, you’ve probably heard your peers brag about the things that they do and the fun that they have when they sneak out at night. So it may be very tempting for you to try to join them.
In a survey of 110 junior and senior high school students in North America, 55 admitted to sneaking out at least once. Most of them first did so at the age of 14. The problem is so serious that some experts have recommended that parents install electronic alarm systems in their homes to prevent their children from leaving unannounced. Why are so many youths risking their parents’ wrath by sneaking out?

Why Some Sneak Out

Sometimes youths sneak out simply because they are bored and want to have some fun with their friends. The book Adolescents and Youth explains that youths might sneak out “because of some restriction, say over an early evening curfew or grounding that kept them from going to some social event. The youth would go anyhow and sometimes manage to return without having been discovered.” One 16-year-old explained her reasons for sneaking out. “I feel as though I’m a baby and that I don’t have a life,” she said. “My curfew is a lot earlier than anyone else’s. And my parents won’t let me go to the places my friends do . . . So of course I go anyway and lie.” Joseph, mentioned at the outset, began sneaking out at age 14 when he went to a rap concert that his parents had forbidden him to attend.
True, most youths do not have sinister motives for sneaking out. Tara, one of the youths quoted at the outset, said: “The first thing on our mind was not ‘Let’s go commit some bad sin.’ I just wanted to be with my sister, and she wanted to go out and have fun with her friends.” Joseph said: “We just hung out. I wanted to talk and be with my friends.” But while hanging out with one’s friends may rarely lead to major crimes, many youths do get into serious trouble.

The Risks

Mental-health professional Dr. Lynn E. Ponton argues: “It’s normal for teens to take risks.” Dr. Ponton goes on to explain that it’s normal and perhaps even healthy for youths to want to become independent, to try new things, to be in new and interesting situations. It’s part of growing up. But many youths take risk taking beyond all reasonable limits—especially when they are far away from their parents’ scrutiny. Says Teen magazine: “A formula of peer pressure, boredom, unchanneled energy and perhaps some other catalyst like a beer . . . can lead teens to take the wrong risk—and pay with their lives.” One survey listed some of these risky teen activities, including speeding, vandalism, driving while drunk, and stealing.
Once you have dabbled in disobedience, it is easy to move on to more serious wrongs. It is as Jesus said at Luke 16:10: “The person unrighteous in what is least is unrighteous also in much.” Not surprisingly, then, sneaking out with friends can lead to gross sins. Tara committed fornication. Joseph began selling drugs, got arrested, and went to prison. A Christian youth named John began abusing drugs and stealing cars. Sadly, many youths also reap the physical consequences of such behavior—unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, or addiction to alcohol or drugs.

The Damage

Far more devastating than the damage to your body can be the damage to your emotions. A troubled conscience can be very painful. Joseph says: “There’s a saying that you don’t know what you have until you lose it. Sometimes I reflect back and can’t believe that I was so blind.”

Also not to be overlooked is the possible damage to your reputation. Says Ecclesiastes 10:1: “Dead flies are what cause the oil of the ointment maker to stink, to bubble forth. So a little foolishness does to one who is precious for wisdom and glory.” In ancient times a valuable ointment or perfume could be ruined by something as tiny as a dead fly. Similarly, your hard-earned reputation could be ruined by just “a little foolishness.” And if you are a Christian, such misconduct would no doubt hold you back from privileges in the congregation. After all, how can you encourage others to follow Bible principles when others know that you have not done so yourself?
Finally, consider the pain your absence can cause your parents when it is discovered. One parent discusses the horror of discovering that her 15-year-old daughter was not in the house. She describes herself and her husband as being ‘beside themselves with worry’ because of not knowing where their daughter had gone. Do you want to cause such pain and grief to your parents?

Getting More Freedom

Understandably, it can be frustrating if your parents seem to be overly strict. But is sneaking out really the answer? Almost invariably, you will eventually get caught. Even if you are clever enough to fool your parents, Jehovah God sees your deeds, even those that are done under the cover of night. So sooner or later you will be exposed, likely damaging whatever trust your parents had in you before that. The result? You will lose much of the very thing you wanted—freedom!
Remember: To enjoy freedom, you need to earn your parents’ trust. And the best way to do that is simply to be obedient to them.  If you feel that your parents are being unreasonable in some way, talk frankly—and respectfully—with them. They may very well consider what you say. On the other hand, you may find that they have good reasons for restricting you somewhat. Even if you don’t agree, never forget that they love you and have your best interests at heart. Keep building on the trust that they have in you, and in due time you will get the freedom that you desire.

‘Do Not Go With Them’

Back in ancient times, God-fearing youths were often tempted to join their peers in wild behavior. Solomon thus urged youths: “My son, if sinners try to seduce you, do not consent. . . . Do not go in the way with them.”  Heed that counsel when so-called friends try to talk you into sneaking out. Solomon further warns: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”
If you have already begun sneaking out, stop! You are only damaging yourself in the long run. Let your parents know what you have been doing, and face up to any punishment or restrictions they might impose. If necessary, choose new friends—friends that will be a good influence on you.  Seek out more wholesome and less risky ways of enjoying yourself.

Most important, work on your spirituality by reading the Bible and attending Christian meetings. “How will a young man cleanse his path?” asked the psalmist. He answers: “By keeping on guard according to [God’s] word.” As you gradually make your mind over to do what is right, you will conclude that while sneaking out may be fun and exciting, it just isn't worth the risks.

Why Don’t My Parents Trust Me?

I wish my parents would let me venture out a little. It’s not that I want to go explore the world. I’d just like to be able to visit my aunt, for example, without my mom worrying that I’m thinking about leaving home."

“I’m always asking my parents why they don’t trust me when I want to go out with a group of friends. Often they tell me: ‘We trust you. We just don’t trust your friends.’ It really bothers me when they say that!”

TRUST is a lot like money. Earning it is hard, losing it is easy, and no matter how much you’re given, it never seems to be enough. “Whenever I want to go out,” says 16-year-old Tracy, “my parents bombard me with questions about where I’m going, the people I’m going with, what I’ll be doing, and when I’ll be back. I know they’re my parents, but it irritates me when they question me like that!”
Do you feel at times that your parents could trust you more? If so, what can you do about it? First, let’s look at why trust is such a hot-button topic between many parents and youths.

Growing Pains

The Bible acknowledges that “a man will leave his father and his mother.”  Of course, the same can be said of a woman. Whether you’re a boy or a girl, a vital objective of adolescence is to prepare you for adulthood—the time when you’ll be equipped to leave home and perhaps raise a family of your own.

However, the transition to adulthood isn't like a door that you simply walk through when you reach a certain age. It’s more like a stairway that you climb, step by step, throughout your adolescence. Granted, you and your parents may have conflicting opinions as to just how far you've progressed up that stairway. “I’m 20 years old, and this is still an issue,” says Maria, who feels that she’s not trusted when it comes to her choice of friends. “My parents think that I wouldn't have the strength to walk away from a bad situation. I’ve tried telling them that I have already walked away from bad situations, but that’s not good enough for them!”

As Maria’s comments reveal, the issue of trust can be a source of considerable tension between youths and parents. Is that true in your family? If so, how can you earn greater trust from your parents? And if you’ve lost their trust because of some unwise actions on your part, what can you do to repair the damage?

Prove Yourself Trustworthy

The apostle Paul wrote to first-century Christians: “Keep proving what you yourselves are.” True, he wasn't primarily addressing adolescents. Still, the principle applies. The degree to which you’re accorded trust often matches the degree to which you prove yourself trustworthy. Not that you have to be perfect. After all, everyone makes mistakes. Overall, though, does your pattern of behavior give your parents reason to withhold their trust?
For example, Paul wrote: “We wish to conduct ourselves honestly in all things.” Ask yourself, ‘What kind of track record do I have when it comes to being up front with my parents about my whereabouts and activities?’ Consider the comments of a few youths who have had to take a hard look at themselves in this regard.
Lori: “I was secretly e-mailing a boy I liked. My parents found out about it and told me to stop. I promised that I would, but I didn't. This went on for a year. I’d e-mail the boy, my parents would find out, I’d apologize and promise to stop, but then I’d do it again. It got to the point that my parents couldn't trust me with anything!”
Why, do you think, did Lori’s parents withhold their trust, and how could Lori have behaved more responsibly after her parents first talked to her about the problem? Write your answer below.
․․․․․
Beverly: “My parents didn't trust me when it came to boys, but now I can understand why. I was flirting with a couple of them who were two years older than I was. I was also spending long hours on the phone with them, and at gatherings I’d talk to them and almost no one else. My parents took away my phone for a month, and they wouldn't let me go places where those boys would be.”
Why, do you think, did Beverly’s parents withhold their trust for a time, and what could she have done to repair the damage?
․․․․․
Annette: “When I was in middle school, a friend and I each took a beer home from a gathering—although we knew that our parents would not approve—and decided to drink it later just for fun. My friend’s beer can was discovered by her mother. Then it came out that I had one too. The worst part of it was the look of disappointment on my mother’s face!”
If Annette were your younger sister, what advice would you give her so that she could regain the trust of your mom?
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Regaining Trust

What if, like the youths quoted above, your actions have contributed to your parents’ lack of trust? Even if that’s the case, be assured that you can turn the tide. But how?
Likely your parents will accord you greater trust as you build up a record of responsible behavior. To illustrate: Imagine a man who owes money to a bank. If he makes payments regularly, he’ll earn the bank’s trust and the bank may even extend more credit to him in the future. It’s similar at home. If you prove trustworthy—even in small things—your parents are likely to trust you more in the future.

Annette came to understand that fact. “When you’re younger,” she says, “you don’t fully appreciate the importance of being trusted. Now I feel more responsible, and I feel compelled to act in a way that will help me retain my parents’ trust.” The lesson? Rather than complain about your parents’ lack of trust in you, focus on building up a record of trustworthy behavior.

For example, are you dependable in the areas listed below? Check the box next to any traits you need to work on.
□ Keeping my curfew
□ Being punctual
□ Finishing chores
□ Keeping my room clean
□ Using the phone
□ Following through on my promises
□ Being financially responsible
□ Getting out of bed without prodding
□ Speaking the truth
□ Admitting mistakes and apologizing
□ Other ․․․․․

Why not make a personal resolve to prove yourself trustworthy in the areas you checked off? Follow the admonition found in the Bible: “Put away the old personality which conforms to your former course of conduct.”  “Let your Yes mean Yes.” “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor.”  “Be obedient to your parents in everything.” 
In time, your advancement will be manifest to others, including your parents.

But what if you feel that despite your best efforts, your parents aren't giving you the trust you deserve? Why not talk over the matter with them? Instead of complaining that they need to be more trusting, respectfully ask them what they think you need to do to earn their trust. Explain your goals clearly in this regard.
Don’t expect your parents to make concessions immediately. No doubt they’ll want to make sure that you’ll make good on your promises. Use this opportunity to prove yourself trustworthy. In time, your parents may well accord you greater trust. That was the case with Beverly, quoted earlier. “It’s much harder to gain trust than it is to lose it,” she says, adding, “I’m gaining trust right now, and it feels good!”

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