How Do I Deal With Angry People?

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

HAVE you ever been the target of a bully’s rage? The Bible predicted that people today would be “fierce, without love of goodness.” (2 Timothy 3:3) And while you may have done all you can to avoid “companionship with anyone given to anger  , having fits of rage,” there may be times when you simply cannot escape angry people. (Proverbs 22:24) How should you respond when you find yourself in such a situation?

“He was raging mad. I guess because he saw that I was little, he wanted to beat me up. As I was backing away, I said: ‘Hold on for a second! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Why do you want to beat me up? I haven’t done anything to you. I don’t even know what you are mad about. Can we talk about it? Mark , Thia is a good example on how to deal with angery people. Try this words on any one that is aggresive in a mild way while you try backing out. It works like miracle...smiles.

Responding to Rage

Today many youths might respond by displaying rage of their own. But doing so simply causes more pain. Furthermore, losing your own control would bring you down to the level of the one raging. Proverbs 26:4 says: “Do not answer anyone stupid according to his foolishness, that you yourself also may not become equal to him.” Young Jeremy learned the truth of these words the hard way. He recalls sitting at the lunch table in school: “There was a group of boys that would always make fun of one another and other people. Very often they would talk about me. I generally ignored their talk. However, when one of them started talking about my mother, I lost control and flew at him in a fit of anger.” The result? “He beat me up good,” says Jeremy.

The Bible gives this wise advice: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” (Proverbs 15:1) Yes, responding to anger with “a word causing pain” only aggravates the situation. However, a mild reply can often calm things down and defuse a tense situation.

Recall Mark, mentioned at the outset. He was able to talk the bully into explaining why he was angry. It turned out that someone had stolen the bully’s lunch, and he was simply taking out his frustration on the first person who came his way. “Beating me up is not going to replace your lunch,” Mark reasoned. He then suggested that they both go over to the cafeteria. “Since I knew the clerk there,” recalls Mark, “I was able to replace his lunch. He shook my hand, and he was friendly to me after that.” Do you see how powerful mild words can be? As a proverb puts it, “a mild tongue itself can break a bone.”—Proverbs 25:15.

Mildness—Weakness or Strength?

Granted, the idea of having “a mild tongue” may not sound appealing. It may seem more tough or macho to fight anger with anger. You may even fear that if you are mild, others will think you are really weak. But just what does it mean to be mild? According to one reference work, to be mild means to be gentle. However, this same source adds: “Behind the gentleness there is the strength of steel.” Thus, far from being a sign of weakness, mildness can be a sign of strength. How so?

Well, for one thing, a mild-tempered person is in control and is not easily thrown off balance. On the other hand, a person who lacks mildness seems insecure, frustrated, or even desperate. He also lacks self-control. Unable to control his emotions, he is likely to find himself being repeatedly drawn into conflicts. Yes, “as a city broken through, without a wall, is the man that has no restraint for his spirit.” Really, then, it is the mild-tempered person who is strong!

Bible Examples of Mildness

Consider Jesus Christ. He described himself as “mild-tempered and lowly in heart.” (Matthew 11:29) He never became harsh or unreasonable, paying back injury for injury. In fact, the apostle Peter, a personal friend of Jesus’, reported: “When [Jesus] was being reviled, he did not go reviling in return. When he was suffering, he did not go threatening, but kept on committing himself to the one who judges righteously.” (1 Peter 2:23) Remember, though, that this same Jesus “entered into the temple and threw out all those selling and buying.” (Matthew 21:12) And had the need ever arisen for divine backing, Jesus could have called on “more than twelve legions of angels”! (Matthew 26:53) No, he was hardly a weakling.
Consider also the example that Judge Gideon set, as recorded in the Bible at Judges 8:1-3. After a great military victory, some soldiers from the tribe of Ephraim were offended because they felt that they had not been given a chance to share in the glory of battle. “What sort of thing is this that you have done to us in not calling us when you went to fight against Midian?” they challenged. “And they vehemently tried to pick a quarrel with him.” Now Gideon was a “valiant, mighty one.” (Judges 6:12) He could easily have responded to their provocation with violence. Instead, he gave a mild response that totally disarmed those hotheads. “What now have I done in comparison with you?” asked Gideon. The result of this modest response? “Their spirit calmed down toward him.”

Finally, consider the Bible’s account of a woman named Abigail. David was hiding as a fugitive from his enemy Saul, the king of Israel. Though suffering exile, David’s men often guarded and protected their fellow Israelites. One man whom they helped was Abigail’s husband, Nabal, a very wealthy man. However, Nabal was “harsh and bad in his practices.” When David’s men needed provisions, they asked Nabal for some food. Instead of expressing appreciation for the free protection given him by David’s band, Nabal “screamed rebukes” at David’s messengers and sent them away empty-handed.—1 Samuel 25:2-11, 14.

On hearing of this, David became angry and ordered his men: “Gird on every one his sword!” David and his men were on their way to kill Nabal and all the innocent male members of his household when Abigail intervened. She greeted David with a generous gift of food and drink. She apologized for her husband’s inexcusable conduct and begged David to spare innocent lives.—1 Samuel 25:13, 18-31.

Abigail’s humble pleas turned back David’s anger. Indeed, realizing how dangerous his anger had become, David said: “Blessed be Jehovah the God of Israel, who has sent you this day to meet me! And blessed be your sensibleness, and blessed be you who have restrained me this day from entering into bloodguilt and having my own hand come to my salvation.” (1 Samuel 25:32-35) Yes, in many cases ‘an answer when mild’ can turn away the rage of others. However, what if your mild answer does not have that effect?

“Take Your Leave”

You can avoid adding fuel to a raging fire by simply walking away. “Where there is no wood the fire goes out,” the Bible says. It also advises: “Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.”  A popular boy in school came up to me and wanted to talk. He told me that I was pretty.
Before I knew it, his girlfriend came up to me raging mad. She accused me of flirting with her boyfriend and wanted to fight me! I tried to explain what happened, but she wouldn’t listen. After school she returned with some other girls to beat me up! I quickly got the security guard, and I explained to the angry girl that I do not fight and that it was her boyfriend who had come up to me. After that I walked away.” Merissa did not give in to her emotions. She not only walked away from a fight but also took steps to protect herself. As Proverbs 17:27 says, “anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge, and a man of discernment is cool of spirit.”

"Be Quick To Apologize"

What, though, if you are really to blame for having provoked someone to anger—perhaps unintentionally? Apologize, and do it quickly! This may be all that it takes to turn away the rage of the other person. These are pressure-filled times, and many people are quick-tempered. But if you apply Bible principles in your dealings, you can likely avoid becoming a victim of someone’s rage.
Remember an answer, when mild, turns away rage.

5 Simple Ways To Find A Good Roommate

Sunday, October 4, 2015

WHEN young ones leave home, they are often shocked to find out just how much it costs to live in the ‘real world.’ For many, a way to cope with the high cost of living is to share expenses with one or more roommates.
Room mates

The Danger of Bad Association

Many young adults turn to bulletin boards, classified ads in newspapers, and the Internet to find potential roommates. But for young Christians, such sources have serious pitfalls. They will likely lead to your meeting individuals who do not share your faith, morals, or standards. Is it narrow-minded or antisocial to want to room only with someone of the same faith? No, it is the course of wisdom. The Bible itself warns: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.”—1 Corinthians 15:33.

Finding Suitable Roommates

It is advisable to look for roommates who are morally inclined, who hold moral standard in high esteem. Word of mouth can also be a powerful tool. The more people you let know of your need, the more likely you are to get results. (Ecclesiastes 11:6) Above all, ask Jehovah for help in finding a roommate, and look to him to bless your efforts.

Checking Things Out

Having found a potential roommate, you may be eager to get together soon. But it is wise to do some checking first. Is that person “well reported on by the brothers” in his or her congregation? (Acts 16:1, 2) Perhaps you and your parents can speak directly with spiritually qualified individuals who know him or her. You might ask: ‘What reputation does this one have? Is this person stable emotionally and spiritually? Does he or she share in preaching to others and in commenting at meetings? Is this person known for upright conduct?

Talking Things Out

Next, get together in person and discuss matters. Such conversations can help you determine if your personalities are compatible. Interestingly, a study reported on in the journal Communication Research Reports revealed that roommates who are similar in their communication traits “reported the highest roommate satisfaction and liking.” So if you are the open, sociable, expressive type, you may run into problems rooming with someone who is reserved, quiet, or inclined to be a loner.

Also worthwhile to discuss may be such things as hobbies, preferences, and tastes in music. “I’d like to room with somebody who likes the same kind of things that I do, who has a similar personality, who likes to do the same things,” says Mark. Of course, having different tastes doesn’t necessarily rule out rooming together. The real issue is, How flexible are both of you? Are you willing to tolerate differences and make adjustments to accommodate each other?  You should also ask what the other person expects out of the arrangement.

Decently and by Arrangement

Another helpful principle is found at Luke 14:28, where it says: “Calculate the expense.” Yes, try to figure out what your living expenses will be. How much will have to go for rent? Food? Utilities? Will you share a telephone? If so, how will you split the bill? “I would definitely make sure that a girl can handle her share of the expenses before taking her as a roommate,” says Lynn. The on-line magazine The Next Step rightly observes: “Roommates who don’t kick in for rent or food . . . or incur high utility bills give you stress that no one needs.”

Being careful and prudent increases the likelihood of your finding a roommate who will be a blessing to you and not a source of distress. However, what if problems and personality conflicts develop? A future article will discuss these situations.

What To Do When You Are Angry

Friday, August 28, 2015

I  woke up this morning with a slap on my face  like 3 times, my girl friend woke me up saying who was the girl named push it on my phone, i told her it was a female name, she said you have been seeing that girl again with another slap on my face and was hurting me with her fingers as i had blooding running off my body and face from the flesh peeling. She was crying profusely with tears all over her eyes. She wanted me to beat her so people can see how much have hurt her physically. You know what i did to control my anger? Though i was so angry and threatened to beat her, i mistakenly gave her one slap back . Immediately i knew i was wrong cos it was the first time have ever slapped her. The following were what i did to control my anger.

1. I took a deep breath for about five times:  taking a deep breath help you control your level of consciousnesses.
2. Thought About The Aftereffect: I thought about the after effect of everything, i asked myself questions like what if i hit her and she fall real sick, or we fought and she stabbed me or broke my head as well. 
3. God's view About Fight: I know God will never be happy with me if i had a fight with her, so that helped me control my anger.
4, Emotional Breakdown: She will feel traumatized after the incident  and will be emotionally unstable.
5. Love : I thought about how much  love her and how much she meant to me, I just had to reduce my anger.

Essential Dating Rules You Must follow !!!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Confidence can do a lot for a person. 

If you are not confident, what is causing you to have doubts in your self? Do you think you are a failure, unattractive, stupid?  
All of this can be overcome with confidence. Honestly, girls (girls we want to date) don't care a lot about these things. Of course, if you are really over weight and you have bad teeth and you dress like a hobo, change yourself.  
They act like they are good looking and they are rich, they act in ways that make men and women naturally attracted to them.  
A happy go lucky guy who smiles a lot will get x10 the amount of attention as a sad sack sitting in the corner no matter how hot or rich he is.  
Be happy with yourself, but if there is something holding you back from being a more outgoing person, fix it.  
If you have something that bothers you, something like acne or weird mole. You can either realize that it does not bother anyone else or simply fix it. Because if you are self-conscious all the time, you will not act in an attractive way to a woman.  
Those people that do fix their “flaws” notice a big difference, but not in their physical their confidence level.    

Be Calm   

Especially on the first date, be cool. Don't be nervous, don't get all excited and act like a goof.  
Don't act desperate around women, just be yourself and not worry about the outcome, dating should be fun!  

Be Fun!  

Men are so scared to be themselves around women that they act all uptight and nervous and are not sure what to say.  
Don't worry about. Most men by nature are not big mouth arrogant SOB's, so just say what's on your mind.  
Talking about sex and other taboo subjects is FINE. Teasing a girl lightly is fine, as long as it's funny and a little bit cocky.  
Be the fun guy to hang around, make dating fun for you and her.   

Don’t Show your Emotions  

This rule IS SO IMPORTANT when you start dating someone more seriously. I made this mistake a couple of times early on and the relationships ended pretty soon after.   
If a woman says something to you that makes you feel nervous, angry, upset and you feel like you're going to get overly emotional and say something you will regret, FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR SANITY, Don't say anything.  
It's a lot easier to say nothing then it is to take something stupid back. Think before you speak. Women will always do this. Women will blame you for things that are not your fault, things will happen in their lives that make them emotional, you're job is to stay calm.  
I'll give you a personal example. I started dating a girl I REALLY liked, but a couple of weeks into the relationship, she told me she was pregnant and she wasn't sure who the father was, because before she started dating me, she was seeing two other guys.   
I freaked out, and you probably think, well rightly so, and it was probably for the best things ended, 
but, breaking up with someone is better when you're the one breaking up with the girl  
I know this sounds childish, but it's true. It's a mental thing. Being dumped is a horrible feeling and take's longer to get over.   

Be a Man  

Girls like a guy who will lead in the relationship. I don't mean bossy, I mean lead. It's a manly thing to do.  
When a woman asks what you want to do, don't reply back, "I dunno, what do you want to do", take the bull by the horn's and make a decision. I know it's a bit of a pain to be the one who does this all the time, but it really works.  
Also, when women throw things at you that you're not expecting, never over react, I touched on this just before, and I'm going to again.  
If a girl says she's going out with male friends, or seeing an ex boyfriend, don't flip your lid, this is the quickest way to push her away.   
Just say things like, "you do what you wanna do", "it's your life, I'm not your father, have fun". Saying things like this make you sound confident in yourself and don't really care what she does.  
Begging her not to go and doing all sorts of crazy things guys do will push her away for good.  

There’s Plenty of Fish in the Sea  

Always keep busy! Never make too much time for a girl when you first start dating. All the other rules will fall into place if you just follow this one.  
I know it can be hard, but just try and resist temptation by keeping yourself busy.  
When you're sitting at home with nothing to do, you will be tempted to want to call any girl you're dating too much and you will become too available.  
If she's says lets make plans for Tuesday, say no you're busy, how about Wednesday.   
Get a hobby, play a sport, go out more with your friends and if you don't have any friends, make some!   
Keep your mind busy and everything else will fall into place because you will be too busy with your life to care what she is doing. She will be just a nice little extra in your life, not your whole life!   

Be Mysterious  

If a girl goes on one or two dates with you and already feels that she knows absolutely everything about you, you are in big trouble. Because there will be nothing else for her to look forward to, nothing else to unravel.  
Again, this goes with keeping busy. Never see a girl more then twice a week for at least the first 10 to 20 dates. Seriously. I know you will want to spend all your time with someone if you think she's the one. But, you need to build the attraction, not force it.  
This way is best for both of you. I feel most guys will settle for a girl because she wants a relationship, even though she might not be the girl for him.  
Take your time, have fun, date multiple women, its ok.  

Let Things Go  

Everyone has a past and most women have done things in the past that you may not like. But the past is the past, you should focus more on the present and future.  
You have to accept people for who they are, if you really like someone, leave the past where it belongs, in the past.  

Don’t Write Desperate Letters  

What is it with guys and writing sappy letters or emails when they feel like they are losing the girl or have lost the girl.  
If a girl breaks up with you, let it go, move on with your life, start dating again and you will find this will bring back love quicker then a sappy email professing your undying love for the girl.  Think before you speak, think before you type!  

Know What You Want Out of Life  

I don't know what it is, but when your talking about something your passionate about, people are naturally attracted to you.  
Passion and desire are always a turn on, even if the passion or desire is about something, not someone.  
Constantly apologizing when you have done nothing wrong is a real turn off for women. So don’t be “sorry” for almost everything you do.  
If you step on a girls shoe, you can say sorry. But saying sorry when you are 5 minutes late is absolutely NOT necessary.   
Women see this as a sign of weakness. If a girl is doing something or saying something you don't like, tell her that. If she's acting bratty, tell her that.  
Don't put up with moody behavior just because she thinks you deserve to be treated that way, you don't.  

Relax on Your first Date  

Act like you would act if you were with your friends. Just because you are with a girl it does not mean you have to try and be what you think she wants you to be. Be your self, that is what she wants you to be.   

Dress Well  

I know that not caring can be a turn on for women, but you should care what you look like. Because looks do count and when you look good and you know you look good, it shows.

7 Rules of Life

Can A Man Love Two Women At The Same Degree?

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Have you ever been so much in love with someone who wasn't your first girlfriend or boy friend? It all was a story of my life. I fall in love with a woman who never had my interest at heart, i was still loving and having sex with her while she was following as many men as she could, although then i never loved her, it was all about a sex relationship.  As time went on i was taking care of her and falling head over heel for her. It affected my relationship with my girlfriend cause i was no longer chanced to talk to my girl friend like i use to, however my girlfriend become very busy as she was always working never had much time herself.

The lady am falling for left her boyfriend due to the fact that he was lying to her, at this point in time i was the only guy left in her life. She managed to love me but this time with a lot of condition, she told me i had to leave my girl friend for her. ( I have been dating my girl friend for more than 5 years).  She promised never to have anything to do with me again, or she will get another boy friend as well. I just can't stand her having another boyfriend, because i get really jealous whenever she talks to anyone.  This is a girl i have done so much for financially because i was loving her because she was a girl with a big ass exactly my type of woman. Now i have love her beyond her ass, she got upset and now we haven't talked for days not even on the phone. Most people cant even imagine it possible to be torn between two people you really love or are in love with. Individuals who have never been in this plight will say you are been selfish, or the feeling you have is infatuation. But you cant really understand until you there.


 Please can someone help me or tell me if am under a spell? She is always on my  mind every seconds then and i just can't seems to imagine life without her.  What would you do if you were in my shoes? How do i take my heart off this girl have been falling for? She seems to occupy my mind this period than my girlfriend, each time she talks to another man i get really jealous. This is affecting me tremendously, giving me enormous stress. There are a few things to bear in mind which could help in this situation.

What is Important: Ask yourself questions like what are those sacrifices my first girl friend have made for me? Do you love her more than the second lady? If you do then make a choice that will not make you regret in the future. Let your love grow deeper for your girl friend or wife to be than for your sexual partner. Discuss how much you value the time you spend with your girlfriend more . Tell her you need more of her time and Attention.

Draw the line: In this era we live in most people are looking for husband or wife, let every woman or man you meet know you are not looking for a serious relationship (If truly you are not) , just a friend with benefit because a time will come when he or she will tell you i want you to have a baby with me. Always draw the line especially if you live your wife or husband.

Seek Advice from God: Always listen to God instruction to follow only one woman and never mislead another woman, put the woman in your shoes maybe she is getting old and need to settle down, or she needs a baby and want to be married. Let her know from the beginning though some women will never agree to that. Just be wise, think before you talk.

You are a fool "Said my girl friend"

Saturday, May 2, 2015

It was in the late hours of the night after an hectic day at work, i dropped by at my girl friend's place just to get a few kiss and hugs. Astonished by the way she talked to her little house help. I couldn't control myself and told her it was wrong to do that. In anger i told her when we get married we are not going to be needing the help of any house maid. 

Few minutes after she got angry and told me why would i talk to her in that manner, she asked if i was trying to create enmity between her and the little girl?  and that i was a fool and she hate me for my attitude. Without much talk in anger i stood up and got into the car and drove off. She was so upset and told me it was wrong i went home without settling the quarrels we had. Please what would you have done differently?

9 Ways To Deal With Anxiety

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Steps On how to Deal with Anxiety
  1. Eliminate anxiety-inducing food and/or drink from your diet. It sounds simple, but changing what you ingest daily can have a huge impact on your anxiety levels. Rethink your consumption of the following common anxiety provokers. Food like Coffee, Alcohol, Sugar and starch.
  2.  Incorporate mood-enhancing foods into your diet. Keeping yourself healthy with a balanced diet can go a long way toward stabilizing your mood. If you’re getting the rigaht nutrients, your body will be better able to ward off anxiety during stressful situations
  3.  Try exercises that relieve anxiety. Studies have shown that regular exercise relieves symptoms of everyday anxiety and also helps to treat anxiety disorders. It improves feelings of well-being both in the moment and for hours afterward.
  4. Use deep breathing exercises. Breathing deeply and slowly has immediate effects on your stress level. Most people practice shallow chest breathing, drawing breath into their lungs and exhaling at a rapid rate. When we’re feeling stressed, we tend to breathe even more quickly, which stresses us out even more. Instead, focus on breathing from your diaphragm or belly. Your stomach should balloon up. This gives more air than breathing through the lungs and also helps decrease your blood pressure, relax your muscles, and calm you down.
  5. Do something you love. Often times anxiety builds up when you don't get a chance to detox from life's problems. Take at least ten minutes during your day to practice a hobby or past time which brings you peace. This may be reading, sports, playing music, art, anything really. Giving yourself an outlet will help to remove the anxiety from your mind both immediately and in the long run.
  6.  Induce relaxation at home. When you're at home you should be totally anxiety free; your home should be your sanctuary. When you are dealing with a lot of anxiety, take some time and relax at home. Take a hot bath, listen to calming music, and avoid anything that might worsen your anxiety. Make sure that you give yourself ample time to enjoy these things throughout your day or week.
  7.  Don't overwhelm yourself. If you keep a busy schedule, bring work back with you from the office, and stress about perfecting your school papers, you're likely often overwhelming yourself and creating more anxiety than is necessary. Keep a schedule of your necessary activities and cut everything else out for a bit. Giving yourself alone time to deal with your anxiety will help you to overcome it in the long run.
  8. Get lots of sleep. Lack of sleep prevents your body from clearing out excess cortisol from your system. Cortisol is a hormone, which in high levels, is responsible for causing anxiety and stress. Make sure that you're getting between 8-9 hours of good sleep every night.

Anxiety Mental Control

  • Confront sources of anxiety you can control. There are many different situations that induce anxiety, and it’s helpful to pinpoint exactly what might be making you anxious and take steps to confront it. If you’re behind on doing your taxes, for example, you may feel like you’ve got a yoke around your shoulders until the chore is finally done.

  •  Avoid sources of anxiety you can’t control. If a certain type of situation makes you feel anxious, it’s OK to simply avoid it. If you hate flying, and don’t feel this fear is ever going to abate, it’s OK to drive. Know your limits, and practice self preservation.

  • Try visualization. This is a process of clearing your mind of anxiety-inducing thoughts and images and replacing them with peaceful thoughts and pictures. Try using guided imagery to picture a place that you feel relaxed and safe in. As you picture the scene, focus on the details so that your mind is fully immersed in the place of your imagination. Forcing your thoughts away from your anxiety will calm both your body and your mind, and prepare your for dealing with whatever is causing you your anxiety.

Ten Ways To Choose Between Two Girl Friends.

Monday, March 30, 2015

When you are seeing two girl friends at the same time, you are left with no choice but to be confused over the one you should choose,  especially in a situation where the both of them want something serious with you. The tips below will help you make the right decision.

  1. Consider your decision carefully, make sure you don't rush to your decision.
  2. Pick the one you feel more comfortable around.
  3. Be ready to live with your decision, if you choose one, you probably will never get the chance to go out with the other if you chose wrong. Think long and hard.
  4. Don't choose both girls. You will become entangled.
  5. If you aren't satisfied with the steps above, pick whichever girl you have the most in common with.
  6. Let the other girl down easy. Talk to her and explain the predicament. The worst thing you can do is ignore her or bottle the feelings.
  7. If you've chosen already and believe you have chosen wrongly, go back and fix your mistakes. It'll take some time and some bonding, but you'll be better for it.
  8. Not all girls are the same, some may fall for stupid silly tricks, some may not.
  9. When you go to sleep, think of them and try to remember them smiling. Choose the one you were thinking of before you fell asleep. If you cant remember just try again.
  10. You should choose the girl that will make you feel better in the long run.

Six Ways To End An Affair

Saturday, March 28, 2015

When one partner cheats on another, it can be very difficult to move forward with either the old relationship or the affair. In many cases, ending the affair is a delicate process that requires a great deal of emotional strength and care. Whether you committed the affair and want to move on, or your partner cheated, learning how to end the affair and start the process of moving on is possible with the right guidance.

1. Assess both relationships privately. If you've been seeing someone on the side, you might be experiencing a great deal of confusion and grief over the process that awaits. It's likely that a degree of trust has been broken with your committed partner, while you also need to take the other party's feelings into account. Every relationship will be different, and it's important to evaluate both separately before planning a course of action.
Consider whether or not you should talk to your committed partner, or the new partner first. Does your affair know that you're in a committed relationship? If you made promises that you'd end your marriage for your new partner, or that you were committed to both people, you need to take special care to let the affair partner down easy.
Under no circumstances should you bring all parties together and try to hash it out as a group. Even if one or the other partner wants to make this happen, it's a situation that's best avoided

2. Decide whether or not you want to stay with your committed partner. If you're settled on ending a relationship with the person you had an affair with, you also need to decide whether or not you want to stay with your committed partner, and how you choose to address the affair together.[2]
If you want to stay together, you need to decide how much of the affair you want to reveal to your partner. If you're feeling extremely guilty and think coming clean would assuage that guilt, then do so as soon as possible. If you feel confident that it will never happen again, consider working on your relationship without revealing the affair.
Why did you feel the need to start a new relationship? Was this a momentary lapse of commitment, or are you dissatisfied in your relationship? Would you be happier to break it off permanently? It's not just up to your partner to decide whether or not to "take you back."

3. End your affair the same way you end traditional relationships. Just because affairs might be somewhat outside the purview of traditional relationships doesn't mean you don't owe your affair partner the same courtesy and respect as a more formal relationship. If you choose to end it, do so respectfully, honestly, and in person.
If your affair partner knows that you're in a committed relationship, it can be heartbreaking to have not "been chosen," even if that's not the way you're looking at the relationship. If you want to end a relationship with a person you committed an affair with, discuss it in terms of what doesn't work about that relationship, not in terms of your other marriage or committed relationship.

4. Don't leave the door open. Don't look for an easy way out of a relationship by leaving the door open with the possibility of getting back together. Don't try and suggest that you "might get together" if your marriage doesn't work out or that you'll "see what happens." If a relationship is over and it's worth ending, end it for good.[3]
If you're only ending an affair because you got caught, give serious thought to the health of your committed relationship. If you're sneaking around cheating guilt-free because you're dissatisfied, it might be better to end both relationships.

5. Get screened for sexually transmitted diseases. If you were sexually active with two different partners at the same time, it's very important that you get screened for sexually transmitted infections as soon as possible. For the safety of yourself and both partners, get tested.
If you didn't practice safe sex during an affair, it's important that you tell your committed partner. Even if you're not experiencing symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases, it's still possible to pass STDs on to your partner. You owe it to your partner to come clean for the sake of their health.

6. Eliminate online photos and correspondence. Even if you're going to come clean, make sure that your partner doesn't accidentally come across racy photos, emails, or other social networking correspondence between you and the person involved in the affair. If you're going to work on reforging your relationship, these can be unnecessary little road-bumps that will keep that from happening.

What’s So Bad About Sneaking Out?

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

“We’d sneak out at midnight and go to the coffee shop to be with some guys. Then we started hanging out at the hill. The kids all smoked, although I never did. We’d sit around and talk about whatever, listening to heavy metal music. Then we’d go home at 5:00 a.m. before my parents woke up.”—Lux.*

“When my dad left for work and my mom was asleep, I’d sneak out the front door. I’d leave it open so that she couldn’t hear me close it—it was a metal door. I’d hang out with my friends all night. Then in the morning when the sun came up, I’d try to sneak back in. Sometimes she discovered I was gone and would lock me out.”—Joe.

SNEAKING OUT—it sounds exciting and fun. It’s a chance to experience life on your own for a few hours, a chance to do what you want and be with whom you want without answering to anyone. Besides, you’ve probably heard your peers brag about the things that they do and the fun that they have when they sneak out at night. So it may be very tempting for you to try to join them.
In a survey of 110 junior and senior high school students in North America, 55 admitted to sneaking out at least once. Most of them first did so at the age of 14. The problem is so serious that some experts have recommended that parents install electronic alarm systems in their homes to prevent their children from leaving unannounced. Why are so many youths risking their parents’ wrath by sneaking out?

Why Some Sneak Out

Sometimes youths sneak out simply because they are bored and want to have some fun with their friends. The book Adolescents and Youth explains that youths might sneak out “because of some restriction, say over an early evening curfew or grounding that kept them from going to some social event. The youth would go anyhow and sometimes manage to return without having been discovered.” One 16-year-old explained her reasons for sneaking out. “I feel as though I’m a baby and that I don’t have a life,” she said. “My curfew is a lot earlier than anyone else’s. And my parents won’t let me go to the places my friends do . . . So of course I go anyway and lie.” Joseph, mentioned at the outset, began sneaking out at age 14 when he went to a rap concert that his parents had forbidden him to attend.
True, most youths do not have sinister motives for sneaking out. Tara, one of the youths quoted at the outset, said: “The first thing on our mind was not ‘Let’s go commit some bad sin.’ I just wanted to be with my sister, and she wanted to go out and have fun with her friends.” Joseph said: “We just hung out. I wanted to talk and be with my friends.” But while hanging out with one’s friends may rarely lead to major crimes, many youths do get into serious trouble.

The Risks

Mental-health professional Dr. Lynn E. Ponton argues: “It’s normal for teens to take risks.” Dr. Ponton goes on to explain that it’s normal and perhaps even healthy for youths to want to become independent, to try new things, to be in new and interesting situations. It’s part of growing up. But many youths take risk taking beyond all reasonable limits—especially when they are far away from their parents’ scrutiny. Says Teen magazine: “A formula of peer pressure, boredom, unchanneled energy and perhaps some other catalyst like a beer . . . can lead teens to take the wrong risk—and pay with their lives.” One survey listed some of these risky teen activities, including speeding, vandalism, driving while drunk, and stealing.
Once you have dabbled in disobedience, it is easy to move on to more serious wrongs. It is as Jesus said at Luke 16:10: “The person unrighteous in what is least is unrighteous also in much.” Not surprisingly, then, sneaking out with friends can lead to gross sins. Tara committed fornication. Joseph began selling drugs, got arrested, and went to prison. A Christian youth named John began abusing drugs and stealing cars. Sadly, many youths also reap the physical consequences of such behavior—unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, or addiction to alcohol or drugs.

The Damage

Far more devastating than the damage to your body can be the damage to your emotions. A troubled conscience can be very painful. Joseph says: “There’s a saying that you don’t know what you have until you lose it. Sometimes I reflect back and can’t believe that I was so blind.”

Also not to be overlooked is the possible damage to your reputation. Says Ecclesiastes 10:1: “Dead flies are what cause the oil of the ointment maker to stink, to bubble forth. So a little foolishness does to one who is precious for wisdom and glory.” In ancient times a valuable ointment or perfume could be ruined by something as tiny as a dead fly. Similarly, your hard-earned reputation could be ruined by just “a little foolishness.” And if you are a Christian, such misconduct would no doubt hold you back from privileges in the congregation. After all, how can you encourage others to follow Bible principles when others know that you have not done so yourself?
Finally, consider the pain your absence can cause your parents when it is discovered. One parent discusses the horror of discovering that her 15-year-old daughter was not in the house. She describes herself and her husband as being ‘beside themselves with worry’ because of not knowing where their daughter had gone. Do you want to cause such pain and grief to your parents?

Getting More Freedom

Understandably, it can be frustrating if your parents seem to be overly strict. But is sneaking out really the answer? Almost invariably, you will eventually get caught. Even if you are clever enough to fool your parents, Jehovah God sees your deeds, even those that are done under the cover of night. So sooner or later you will be exposed, likely damaging whatever trust your parents had in you before that. The result? You will lose much of the very thing you wanted—freedom!
Remember: To enjoy freedom, you need to earn your parents’ trust. And the best way to do that is simply to be obedient to them.  If you feel that your parents are being unreasonable in some way, talk frankly—and respectfully—with them. They may very well consider what you say. On the other hand, you may find that they have good reasons for restricting you somewhat. Even if you don’t agree, never forget that they love you and have your best interests at heart. Keep building on the trust that they have in you, and in due time you will get the freedom that you desire.

‘Do Not Go With Them’

Back in ancient times, God-fearing youths were often tempted to join their peers in wild behavior. Solomon thus urged youths: “My son, if sinners try to seduce you, do not consent. . . . Do not go in the way with them.”  Heed that counsel when so-called friends try to talk you into sneaking out. Solomon further warns: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”
If you have already begun sneaking out, stop! You are only damaging yourself in the long run. Let your parents know what you have been doing, and face up to any punishment or restrictions they might impose. If necessary, choose new friends—friends that will be a good influence on you.  Seek out more wholesome and less risky ways of enjoying yourself.

Most important, work on your spirituality by reading the Bible and attending Christian meetings. “How will a young man cleanse his path?” asked the psalmist. He answers: “By keeping on guard according to [God’s] word.” As you gradually make your mind over to do what is right, you will conclude that while sneaking out may be fun and exciting, it just isn't worth the risks.

Why Don’t My Parents Trust Me?

I wish my parents would let me venture out a little. It’s not that I want to go explore the world. I’d just like to be able to visit my aunt, for example, without my mom worrying that I’m thinking about leaving home."

“I’m always asking my parents why they don’t trust me when I want to go out with a group of friends. Often they tell me: ‘We trust you. We just don’t trust your friends.’ It really bothers me when they say that!”

TRUST is a lot like money. Earning it is hard, losing it is easy, and no matter how much you’re given, it never seems to be enough. “Whenever I want to go out,” says 16-year-old Tracy, “my parents bombard me with questions about where I’m going, the people I’m going with, what I’ll be doing, and when I’ll be back. I know they’re my parents, but it irritates me when they question me like that!”
Do you feel at times that your parents could trust you more? If so, what can you do about it? First, let’s look at why trust is such a hot-button topic between many parents and youths.

Growing Pains

The Bible acknowledges that “a man will leave his father and his mother.”  Of course, the same can be said of a woman. Whether you’re a boy or a girl, a vital objective of adolescence is to prepare you for adulthood—the time when you’ll be equipped to leave home and perhaps raise a family of your own.

However, the transition to adulthood isn't like a door that you simply walk through when you reach a certain age. It’s more like a stairway that you climb, step by step, throughout your adolescence. Granted, you and your parents may have conflicting opinions as to just how far you've progressed up that stairway. “I’m 20 years old, and this is still an issue,” says Maria, who feels that she’s not trusted when it comes to her choice of friends. “My parents think that I wouldn't have the strength to walk away from a bad situation. I’ve tried telling them that I have already walked away from bad situations, but that’s not good enough for them!”

As Maria’s comments reveal, the issue of trust can be a source of considerable tension between youths and parents. Is that true in your family? If so, how can you earn greater trust from your parents? And if you’ve lost their trust because of some unwise actions on your part, what can you do to repair the damage?

Prove Yourself Trustworthy

The apostle Paul wrote to first-century Christians: “Keep proving what you yourselves are.” True, he wasn't primarily addressing adolescents. Still, the principle applies. The degree to which you’re accorded trust often matches the degree to which you prove yourself trustworthy. Not that you have to be perfect. After all, everyone makes mistakes. Overall, though, does your pattern of behavior give your parents reason to withhold their trust?
For example, Paul wrote: “We wish to conduct ourselves honestly in all things.” Ask yourself, ‘What kind of track record do I have when it comes to being up front with my parents about my whereabouts and activities?’ Consider the comments of a few youths who have had to take a hard look at themselves in this regard.
Lori: “I was secretly e-mailing a boy I liked. My parents found out about it and told me to stop. I promised that I would, but I didn't. This went on for a year. I’d e-mail the boy, my parents would find out, I’d apologize and promise to stop, but then I’d do it again. It got to the point that my parents couldn't trust me with anything!”
Why, do you think, did Lori’s parents withhold their trust, and how could Lori have behaved more responsibly after her parents first talked to her about the problem? Write your answer below.
Beverly: “My parents didn't trust me when it came to boys, but now I can understand why. I was flirting with a couple of them who were two years older than I was. I was also spending long hours on the phone with them, and at gatherings I’d talk to them and almost no one else. My parents took away my phone for a month, and they wouldn't let me go places where those boys would be.”
Why, do you think, did Beverly’s parents withhold their trust for a time, and what could she have done to repair the damage?
Annette: “When I was in middle school, a friend and I each took a beer home from a gathering—although we knew that our parents would not approve—and decided to drink it later just for fun. My friend’s beer can was discovered by her mother. Then it came out that I had one too. The worst part of it was the look of disappointment on my mother’s face!”
If Annette were your younger sister, what advice would you give her so that she could regain the trust of your mom?
Regaining Trust

What if, like the youths quoted above, your actions have contributed to your parents’ lack of trust? Even if that’s the case, be assured that you can turn the tide. But how?
Likely your parents will accord you greater trust as you build up a record of responsible behavior. To illustrate: Imagine a man who owes money to a bank. If he makes payments regularly, he’ll earn the bank’s trust and the bank may even extend more credit to him in the future. It’s similar at home. If you prove trustworthy—even in small things—your parents are likely to trust you more in the future.

Annette came to understand that fact. “When you’re younger,” she says, “you don’t fully appreciate the importance of being trusted. Now I feel more responsible, and I feel compelled to act in a way that will help me retain my parents’ trust.” The lesson? Rather than complain about your parents’ lack of trust in you, focus on building up a record of trustworthy behavior.

For example, are you dependable in the areas listed below? Check the box next to any traits you need to work on.
□ Keeping my curfew
□ Being punctual
□ Finishing chores
□ Keeping my room clean
□ Using the phone
□ Following through on my promises
□ Being financially responsible
□ Getting out of bed without prodding
□ Speaking the truth
□ Admitting mistakes and apologizing
□ Other ․․․․․

Why not make a personal resolve to prove yourself trustworthy in the areas you checked off? Follow the admonition found in the Bible: “Put away the old personality which conforms to your former course of conduct.”  “Let your Yes mean Yes.” “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor.”  “Be obedient to your parents in everything.” 
In time, your advancement will be manifest to others, including your parents.

But what if you feel that despite your best efforts, your parents aren't giving you the trust you deserve? Why not talk over the matter with them? Instead of complaining that they need to be more trusting, respectfully ask them what they think you need to do to earn their trust. Explain your goals clearly in this regard.
Don’t expect your parents to make concessions immediately. No doubt they’ll want to make sure that you’ll make good on your promises. Use this opportunity to prove yourself trustworthy. In time, your parents may well accord you greater trust. That was the case with Beverly, quoted earlier. “It’s much harder to gain trust than it is to lose it,” she says, adding, “I’m gaining trust right now, and it feels good!”


Monday, January 12, 2015

Surgical penis enlargement usually takes the form of implants for increasing girth or severing of the ligament that attaches the base of the penis to the pelvis for added length. This is major surgery done on an in-patient basis with general anesthesia. As any surgery, this is risky. The results are not always what people expect. A common side effect of the ligament severing is inability to control direction of the penis. Sometimes during surgery nerves can be severed and all sensation in the penis can be lost completely. 

Generally, doctors will only do this in cases of severe deformity or trauma. 

Non-surgical enlargement methods are various forms of stretching by hand, mechanical device or attachment of weights and the use of vacuum pumps. All of these carry the risk of severe trauma and potential loss of sexual function if done improperly or excessively. The inner tissues of penis, the corpora cavernosa, are fairly delicate and can be damaged. The gains are seldom dramatic. 

Hand stretching, also called jelquing, is probably the most harmless, as a person will likely stop before hurting himself. However, there is no medical evidence that it is effective for anything beyond pleasuring oneself. 

Traction by use of weights or mechanical devices can add some length, but it is not a permanent effect and will reverse if the practice is discontinued. Excessive traction can tear penile tissue which may negatively affect the ability to achieve erections and deform the penis. Also, if the attachment is too tight it can impair blood circulation. This can lead to scarring, loss of sensation, and, in extreme cases, necrosis of tissue, which requires surgery to treat. Untreated, it can be life-threatening. 

Vacuum pumps do not produce a permanent enlargement effect either. They are really just sex toys. They can, however, cause permanent deformation of the penis due to scarring if the suction is strong enough to break blood vessels. 

There are no pills, creams, powders, or drops that will make a penis grow larger or longer. The emails offering these are scams and the advertisements are lies. These "medicines" are usually not tested for safety, either. At best, there will be no effect whatsoever. At worst, you can develop an allergic reaction or get poisoned with substandard ingredients. 

There are no "miracle foods" that affect penis size. Vegetables are good for you, but for completely unrelated reasons. 

Other considerations 
It should be noted that one thing that affects perceived penis size is excess body weight. Having "extra padding" will conceal some of the length of a penis. Getting some exercise and improving your general physical fitness is the best way to improve your sexual performance and length. A healthy diet would definitely be helpful in this. 

Masturbation is very harmful for overall health. 

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