Sewing Machine

ACCURATE!! STEPS FOR BREAKING UP IN ANY RELATIONSHIP.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Just the words, break up, indicate a situation riddled with impending pain and loss. Even if both parties involved agree it is in their best interests to part romantic ways, there is still a certain amount of loss attached. The best way to approach a break up is to offer the person, to the best of your ability, a clean and clear separation. While there is no definitive way to do this, hear are a few guidelines that may help you.

#1 - Specific Reasons
Don't let them wonder what went wrong. Give them the exact specific reason why you want to break up. It will give them an opportunity to really evaluate what they've done to contribute to the demise of the relationship, and hopefully apply their knowledge to their next one.

#2 - Where To Do It
If you think they will be terribly upset, try a public place that will afford you some privacy, but will deter your partner from possibly "acting up." If at all possible, try to do it some place you can be alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain happy memories from your relationship. You don't want to spoil them.

#3 - How To Do It
While following guideline #1 is important, you also want to make sure you are not damaging their ego either. Make it clear to them that the relationship isn't working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship, or that you've reached a line that you don't feel you can cross back over. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie.

#4 - After The Break Up
Your first meetings after a break up can be strained, at best. If you don't feel you'll be comfortable being around them until your emotions are more under control, try a cold turkey break up. Agree neither of you will have contact with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure you agree on the set amount of time during the break up process, or the ideal of remaining friends after may diminish.

Your other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain things like wishing you were back together, or whether you are seeing anyone new, etc.

If you must remain in contact with them because of school, work or family it is important to remain mature about the situation. Don't run out and date everyone. Allow your partner some breathing room and time to digest their newly found situation. Also, avoid gossiping about what went wrong. It just makes everything ugly.

#5 - Trial Separation
If you are unsure about wanting a permanent break up, try a trial one instead. To signify your commitment to trying to work things out, arrange an agreed upon dating schedule with your partner, maybe once a week. Arrange for the exact dates and times when you are asking for the separation!
Remember, no matter how you do it, or what you say, if you are completely honest with yourself and your partner you both will be able to move on and grow from your experience. Like the common phrase says, "If it was meant to be, it will be."

WHEN SHOULD A RELATIONSHIP BE OVER?

There are few things in life that are harder on a person than the time when they realize that the love they have worked so hard at, and spent so much time on, is finally over. For some, this realization is a complete shock and for others, they have seen the writing on the wall for some time now.

Breakup signs are often very difficult to spot, primarily because the people involved often do not want to admit that the relationship has failed. And unless something comes along and hits them in the face, telling them it's over; the natural tendency is to try to work through the problems. This happens more so when the couple have been together for a while.

The question that remains, therefore, is at what point do you really know that it's over?

First lets start with the glaring signs that the relationship is over:

1. You catch your partner in the act of having an unforgivable affair.

2. Your partner uses physical violence against you.

3. You argue non-stop about everything. You can't agree on anything.

The above are obvious, any of the three things occurring above, ESPECIALLY NUMBER TWO, are sure signs that the relationship is coming to an, often abrupt, end.

There are however some other signs to look out for. Sometimes it is necessary to accept the painful fact that the relationship you are in is just not good for you. While I am usually the staunchest advocate for the "you can make it through anything as long as you have love" club, even I have to admit that there are situations where one or both of the partners are just better off apart.

The most common instance of this is when one partner is INTENTIALLY holding the other partner back. When two people have separate dreams and goals, friction can occur, especially if neither of them are willing to compromise. In some instances, however, jealousy leads one of the partner's to be excessively controlling of the other. In these situations, if they are UNRESOLVABLE, it is better to leave than stay.

Other reasons to leave include:

1. You realize that you don't love your partner.

2. You find yourself thinking more and more about how good single life was.

3. You realize that your partner doesn't love you, but is with you because they don't want to hurt you.

4. You have no common interests or goals.

5. You find that you cannot stand their annoying little habits, and they won't change.

6. You find it impossible to be yourself around your partner.

7. Your partner cuts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, and constantly devalues your goals and ideas.

Under no circumstances should anyone stay in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they feel that being in a relationship, even a bad one, is better than being alone.

Lorem Ipsum

 

Most Reading

Tags