How you can Build your Self-Esteem to Date any One

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Is self-esteem a crucial ingredient for a happy, healthy long-term relationship? To answer simply, yes! For a more in-depth reason as to why, let's take look at what self-esteem actually means.

Self-esteem is a feeling of pride in yourself. It is feeling worthy of your own AND another's respect. In a relationship, no other trait has more value concerning the way we perceive each other's actions. If your sense of self-esteem is off, you are more prone to see things incorrectly and judgmentally. If you're always worried that people will see you for the worthless thing you feel you are, then chances are your perspectives on situations will slant towards the negative.

People who are truly comfortable with themselves are naturally going to be comfortable with other people. It doesn't stop there. A healthy dose of self-esteem does more than just make you feel good. It makes you an actual, equal partner in a relationship. Therefore, if you've been grappling with issues of insecurity and self-doubt you will find the following six golden rules to a healthy self-esteem of immense value to you. Read through these ideals and discover ways you can integrate them into your life. They may be just the right amount of insight for you to finally find the happiness you deserve.

#1: Only Make Commitments You Know You Can Meet
One only has to become burdened down with overwhelming, hopeless tasks to understand this principle fully. Do not agree to do more than you are capable of. Doing so just makes everything you attempt feel like a failure. Soon or later, those feelings are going to start making you doubt yourself. To correct this path of self-doubt, first finish everything you've started. Then, take a look at new projects you'd like to tackle…one-at-a-time. If taking on too much is a problem area for you, try using this system. Most people can expect to do two undertakings extremely well. When you start adding on a third, a fourth or even more, each activity or undertaking suffers to the degree you are overburdened. A perfect example of this is the person who is attending college and working full-time. If they choose to do extremely well in both of these endeavors, you will usually find their social, family or other life areas lacking.

#2: Let Your Creativity Rule
The only way to know how well you do something is to actually do it. Creativity plays a large part in the level of self-esteem we each contain. If you allow your creativity to direct you to new experiences without invalidating it, you may discover a new and more resourceful you. Creativity also plays a practical role, in addition to its naturally whimsical nature. For instance, instead of focusing on the problems of your life, learn to trust your instincts and your creative attributes to find the perfect solutions. To fully develop this characteristic, take one creative idea a week and actually do it. It could be anything from a desire to learn a new hobby or to finding a simple way of doing an old task. Just make sure you do something!

#3: Look At The Bright Side of Things
It is extremely difficult to find respect in others or ourselves if we continually focus on the negative things that are happening around us. No matter where we are, or what is going on around us there will always be unpleasantness in our world. Dwelling on it isn't going to make those things disappear. No one is asking for you to live your life with blinders on, but rather to realize that true living is actually living moment-to-moment. It shouldn't be spent focusing on how things may hurt us, or who's done what to us, or even why things have happened. The only occurrence you can hope to achieve by this is a life that has fallen short of your expectations. Instead, take time to notice one positive aspect about everything that happens in your life. If you can learn to trust in yourself fully, you will realize that circumstances enter your life for a reason. Maybe, you need to learn a valuable lesson or you are being steered away from something that would have been harmful for you. Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking.

#4: Be Honest With Yourself And Others
The quickest way to losing your self-esteem is through dishonesty. How can you ever hope to feel confident in yourself if you are always worried about what someone may find out? Being dishonest, even holding back a truth, opens the door to nagging self-doubt and insecurities. Do yourself a huge favor AND save a lot of needless worrying by just staying true to yourself and others.

#5: Acknowledge Yourself
I feel a rather large and undeserved amount of time is spent on getting other people to acknowledge us. While a "Hey, you did great!" feels wonderful, we shouldn't get in the habit of expecting it from people. No one needs someone else to tell him or her that what they've done is valid or true. Deep down we all know if it is. Whatever you do, learn to feel confident and trusting about your own abilities, without the opinion of a third party.

#6: Never Devalue Yourself
If you want people to learn to respect you and your wishes, you have to learn to respect yourself first. If you are being asked to do something, or you'd like to try something new, don't belittle yourself to the point of not attempting it. How do you know if you'll have talent in an area or not? Every time you think something negative about yourself, outweigh it with a more positive self-thought.

Thoughts To Ponder:
"He who sets a very high value upon himself has the less need to be esteemed by others." -Samuel Butler

"Tackling a job that seems worth doing, and doing it in a competent manner, is…the best way for a person to gain self-esteem." -John Holt

"Self-control and self-esteem vary directly: The more self-esteem a person has, the greater, as a rule, is his desire, and his ability, to control himself. The desire to control others and self-esteem vary inversely: the less self-esteem a person has, the greater, as a rule, is his desire and his ability, to control others." -Thomas S. Szasz

HOMEWORK: Gaining self-esteem is often found by gaining a thorough knowledge of one's self. This week make learning more about your habits, your abilities and your thought processes a priority. On a piece of paper make three columns. In one column, write down everything that you can do extremely well. In the other column, list the things you feel you are average at. In the third column, write down the things you feel you are really terrible at. Choose one thing from each column to devote more time to. When you feel you have adequately tackled these endeavors to the best of your ability, chose another set of things to do, and so on. In addition to this, keep a "feelings journal." Use it to record your feelings about certain occurrences that have happened, and to log how you're feeling each day. After a while, go back and read through it to see what things happened on the days you were happiest and the days you weren't. Keeping this type of journal is an excellent way of discovering patterns of behavior we weren't aware of doing.

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